第十二章 实践同情心：CFT中的椅子技巧

第十二章

体现同情心：CFT中的椅子工作法

在帮助来访以同情心处理困难情绪时，CFT力求尽可能地使体验具体化。实现这一目标的一个有力方法是通过椅子工作法，包括空椅、双椅和多椅练习。椅子工作法带来了即时性和强度，使来访能够实时以同情心处理困难情绪。

CFT大量借鉴了现代椅子工作法的先驱莱斯利·格林伯格（Leslie Greenberg）的工作，他与同事们一起将椅子工作法作为情感聚焦治疗（EFT）的核心组成部分，并广泛应用于自我批判的患者（Greenberg, Rice, & Elliot, 1993；Greenberg & Watson, 2006；Pos & Greenberg, 2012）。最近的一项初步研究证明，这种椅子工作法对于增加自我同情和自我安慰，减少自我批判以及焦虑和抑郁症状的自我批判来访非常有用（Shahar et al., 2012）。

CFT中的椅子工作法

CFT在EFT对椅子工作法的方法基础上，强调同情自我的角色。在CFT中，重点放在同情自我的持续发展及其在处理困难情绪和自我批判方面的应用（Gilbert, 2010）。在本章中，我将介绍几种如何在治疗中应用以同情心为中心的椅子工作法的变化形式。

空椅工作法

当与那些难以从同情的角度看待自己困境的自我批判来访工作时，空椅工作法是一个很好的开始方式。在介绍了同情自我实践之后不久，可以将空椅工作引入治疗，以帮助来访更深入地连接这种同情视角，特别是将其应用于自身。在这个练习中，我们引入另一个椅子，放置在来访椅子的对面。首先进行一个同情自我练习，让来访想象另一个人，可能是来访关心的人，坐在对面的椅子上。我们让来访想象这个人正面临一个与来访经历的挑战非常相似的问题，而围绕这个问题，来访曾经批评过自己。我们让来访想象自己会如何从同情自我的角度——一种善良、明智、自信的视角——感受并互动于这位亲爱的人。让我们考虑一下这个练习可能会是什么样子：

治疗师：Josh，我们一直在谈你对愤怒的挣扎，以及因此产生的羞耻感。 Josh：是的……这让我觉得自己一无是处。虽然这些方法有帮助，但有时下班回家后，我只是想和妻子孩子好好相处。然而，一些小事就会激怒我——比如孩子们抱怨作业——我会对他们大喊大叫。我能看到他们紧张的样子，他们都用一种好像我是问题所在的眼神看着我。他们在我面前小心翼翼的，这让我很不舒服。我正在努力改正，但还是不断重蹈覆辙。我是个糟糕的丈夫和父亲。 治疗师：这听起来确实很痛苦。 Josh：是的，但这都是我自己的错。 治疗师：我想知道你是否愿意尝试一个练习，帮助我们为这种情况带来一些同情心。这是一个加强我们一直在培养的同情自我的练习，帮助你处理愤怒？ Josh：我想在这个时候我愿意尝试任何事情。 治疗师：这将是一个“空椅”练习，所以我需要把这张椅子移到你对面，好吗？ Josh：好的……（有些怀疑） 治疗师：（微笑。）相信我……椅子是有原因的。当我第一次了解椅子技术时，我也觉得有点奇怪。但现在我已经完全接受了。 Josh：好吧。 治疗师：让我们从上一次介绍的同情自我练习开始。我们将先做一些舒缓节奏的呼吸，集中注意力，放慢身体和心灵。 Josh：（坐直，闭上眼睛，放慢呼吸。） 治疗师：（等了一分钟左右。）现在让我们转向那种善良、明智、自信的同情自我视角。想象你充满了希望帮助他人和自己的善意。（等待三十秒。）充满深刻的智慧，能够从多个角度看问题。（等待三十秒。）以及深刻而勇敢的信心，知道无论发生什么，我都能应对。（等待三十秒。）当你准备好时，慢慢睁开眼睛，带着这种同情的视角回到房间。 Josh：（等了一会儿，然后慢慢睁开眼睛。） 治疗师：Josh，我想让你想象在这张椅子上坐着一个你喜欢和关心的人……也许是一个你经常在一起的好朋友，你会想帮助他。你有这样的人吗？ Josh：有。我的朋友Nathan就是这样的人。我们经常在一起看体育比赛，还经常聊天——他是唯一一个我谈论这些问题的人。 治疗师：很高兴听到你有可以倾诉的人。听起来你们关系很好。 Josh：Nathan理解我。他就像我的兄弟。 治疗师：太好了。Josh，让我们想象Nathan就坐在这张椅子上，他刚刚非常坦诚地告诉你，他一生都在与愤怒作斗争，尽管他非常努力地控制，但似乎没有任何效果。他告诉你，尽管他尽了最大努力，有时还是会向妻子和孩子大声吼叫，他知道他们在他的面前小心翼翼。他甚至已经开始接受治疗，这对他来说非常困难。他告诉你，他觉得自己是一个糟糕的丈夫和父亲，感到非常羞愧。 Josh：我觉得我知道你要说什么了…… 治疗师：我想你是对的。但让我们继续这个想象，好吗？如果Nathan坐在这张椅子上，他刚刚告诉了你他在愤怒上的所有挣扎，你会怎么看待他？你会谴责他吗？ Josh：谴责他？不会。我会告诉他我理解他的感受。 治疗师：看到他在愤怒中挣扎，看到这一切对他有多难，你会有什么感觉？ Josh：我会为他感到难过。而且我猜我会因为他如此坦诚地面对问题，并且寻求帮助而尊敬他。这很难做到。 治疗师：确实很难。从这个同情的角度来看——看到他的挣扎并想要帮助他——你希望他明白什么？你会怎么安慰他？ Josh：我希望他明白他不是唯一一个……有时我也会有这种感觉。我会告诉他我们讨论过的一些事情——他学会生气并不是他的错，但他可以学习一些可以帮助他的东西。我会告诉他，他关心自己作为一个丈夫和父亲的表现，这可能意味着他是一个很好的丈夫和父亲，而且我知道他绝对是一个好朋友。去接受治疗——这很难。 治疗师：Josh，这太棒了。你的同情自我有很多话要对Nathan说。你觉得他听到这些会有什么感觉？ Josh：他会感觉好一些。我知道当他对我说这些话时，我也感觉好很多。 治疗师：所以他以前也这样鼓励过你？ Josh：是的。就像我说的，他就像我的兄弟。 治疗师：我注意到你对Nathan说的话，以及他对你说的话，与你在愤怒挣扎时自我批判的方式非常不同。哪种说话方式更有帮助——同情的安慰和鼓励，还是自我谴责？哪种方式能帮助你从愤怒、受威胁的自我状态中走出来，成为你想要成为的那种人？ Josh：我想我明白了。自我责备只会让事情变得更糟。 治疗师：确实如此。但我们不仅仅是不自我责备。而是找到方法来同情地安慰自己，鼓励自己做得更好——就像你希望帮助一个你关心的人，如Nathan那样。或者像Nathan会帮助你那样。你觉得这比自我责备更有帮助吗？ Josh：可能更有帮助。 治疗师：当你晚上回家，只想事情顺利进行，而其中一个孩子开始哭闹时，你可以试着深呼吸几次，放慢节奏，想象那个同情的你可能会做什么。或者想象Nathan会说什么来帮助你避免生气。 Josh：我相信这会有帮助。我想我会试试。

这个例子改编自我多次使用椅子工作法与那些在愤怒管理上遇到困难的来访进行的会话。Josh能够识别出一个好朋友——Nathan——他很容易对Nathan产生和表达同情，这一点非常有帮助。此外，Josh和Nathan之间的友谊让他们实际谈论了许多事情，因此Josh更容易从一个同情、鼓励的角度看待愤怒。这并不总是如此，特别是对于那些在愤怒管理上遇到困难的人（或许男性更是如此），因此有时需要更多的工作来设置一个来访可能会以同情而非谴责的方式与之相关联的形象。这是我经常喜欢在团体中进行CFT愤怒治疗的原因之一。在团体中，我们可以创造一种共同的同舟共济和同情的理解，成员们都知道这有多难，可以互相展示类似Nathan在上述例子中向Josh展示的那种同情的理解和鼓励。

双椅工作法

希望当我们进行椅子工作时，之前的治疗层（治疗关系、关于进化大脑和社会塑造自我的理解、同情自我工作）已经为自我同情奠定了基础。如果是这样，我们可以通过双椅工作法加深来访对自我同情的体验，将其直接带入当前时刻。设置这种方法有不同的方式。首先，我们将探索将同情自我放在一把椅子上，将脆弱自我（如焦虑、抑郁、愤怒等）放在另一把椅子上，并促进它们之间的对话。第二种情况是，我们可以通过促进同情自我和自我批判自我之间的对话来帮助来访处理自我批判。在CFT中，所有这些工作都集中在发展和加强同情自我的善良、明智、勇敢的视角，以便来访能够更好地在生活中应用这些品质。

促进同情自我和脆弱自我之间的对话

在这个练习中，设置两把椅子，治疗师协助来访在代表她正在挣扎的情绪（如焦虑、抑郁或愤怒）的自我版本和她的明智、善良、自信的同情自我之间进行对话。通常，我们会让来访从脆弱的椅子开始，邀请那个自我版本发言——真正释放恐惧、悲伤或愤怒。有时来访会表现出多种情绪，在这种情况下，我们可以使用第14章介绍的多重自我练习。 一旦威胁性自我说完，来访被提示转移到同情的椅子上，此时治疗师引导她转换到同情自我的视角。从这个视角出发，来访然后以同情的方式回应脆弱的自我，提供验证、理解、善良和鼓励（如有需要，治疗师会给予指导）。如果来访发现自己从同情自我的视角转移到了威胁性语言，这没有问题——治疗师只需提示她换椅子，直到脆弱的自我说完为止。让我们考虑一下这可能会是什么样子：

治疗师：Jenny，我们一直在探讨如何通过同情自我练习和同情信件等方式将同情带到你的恐惧中。我觉得这些对你有帮助。是这样的吗？ Jenny：确实有帮助。从那个角度来看待事情真的很不错。信件真的帮了大忙——我读了很多遍，它鼓励我去做一些通常不会做的事情。 治疗师：那太好了。正如我们所讨论的，以同情的方式应对焦虑的一个重要部分是帮助你面对恐惧——即使你害怕也要去做这些事情，这样你才能学会你能够做到。 Jenny：是的，我一直在做更多这样的事情。似乎有帮助，虽然并不愉快。 治疗师：我想象得到——面对我们害怕的事情确实很艰难，但你做得很好。今天我想介绍另一种练习，可以帮助深化这项工作，并将同情和鼓励带给你焦虑的那一面。你觉得怎么样？ Jenny：我愿意尝试。 治疗师：太好了！这是一个双椅练习，所以你需要稍微移动一下。（站起来在房间中间设置两把面对面的椅子。）这把椅子是“焦虑椅”。（指向椅子。）我们会把焦虑的Jenny放在这个椅子上，让她表达所有的恐惧。 Jenny：（点头。）好的。 治疗师：（指向另一把椅子。）在这把椅子上，我们会放上同情的Jenny，她会倾听焦虑的Jenny，对她感到同情，并提供同情、理解和鼓励。这明白了吗？ Jenny：我明白了。不过感觉有点奇怪。 治疗师：一开始可能会觉得有点奇怪。没关系——我会在这里引导你。我会给你一些思考和行动的提示，告诉你何时换椅子，等等。如果你准备好了，现在请坐到焦虑的椅子上。 Jenny：好的。（走到焦虑的椅子上坐下。） 治疗师：在这把椅子上，我们会给焦虑的Jenny麦克风，这样我们就能真正听到她的观点。你有很多事情要做——这个小组项目、想多参加社交活动，甚至开始约会。焦虑的Jenny对这些事情有什么要说的吗？ Jenny：她确实有很多要说的。 治疗师：那么，这是她的机会。花几分钟时间让自己感受到这些你想做的事情的恐惧和焦虑。注意这些焦虑在你身体里的感觉。想象自己在小组项目中工作、和朋友们外出、去约会。有哪些恐惧或焦虑出现了？实时描述你的感受。 Jenny：（闭上眼睛一会儿，然后睁开。）有很多事情我想做，但我非常害怕去做。 治疗师：你害怕什么？ Jenny：我害怕我把自己展现出来，他们会讨厌我。我会说错话，显得很愚蠢。我害怕当我开始感到自在时，他们会嘲笑我，排斥我。（流泪。） 治疗师：你做得很好，Jenny。让这些恐惧浮现吧。 Jenny：如果他们真正了解我，真正了解我，他们不会喜欢我。我不像他们，他们会看出来的。（公开哭泣。）这就像以前一样。我到底哪里不对？为什么他们不喜欢我？ 治疗师：（亲切地靠过来；沉默地等待。）焦虑的Jenny还有其他要说的吗？ Jenny：（擦干眼泪，微微一笑。）没有了，我觉得差不多了。 治疗师：你觉得准备好换椅子了吗？ Jenny：我觉得可以。（站起来换到另一把椅子。） 治疗师：放慢呼吸。（等待三十秒。）唤起同情自我的善良、明智、勇敢的视角。再次想象自己充满了这些品质：帮助自己和他人的善意，从多个角度深入看待事物的智慧，面对可怕事情的勇气。想象自己充满了同情。 Jenny：（闭上眼睛，缓慢安静地呼吸。） 治疗师：当你准备好时，睁开眼睛，看看坐在那里的焦虑的Jenny，她正在与我们分享她的恐惧。她只是想被接受——参与活动，交朋友，约会。她尽了最大的努力，但由于过去发生的事情，她很害怕。从这个同情的视角——充满善意——你对她的感受如何？ Jenny：我为她感到难过。这对她来说太难了。她只是想融入，想让别人喜欢她。她非常害怕再次受伤。 治疗师：她有这样的感受是合乎情理的，不是吗？ Jenny：确实合乎情理，经历了那些事之后。 治疗师：从这个同情的视角，我希望你和Jenny交谈——肯定她，鼓励她——提供任何可能有帮助的东西。就像她现在就坐在那把椅子上一样，和她交谈。 Jenny：（停顿，思考。）Jenny，你已经害怕了很久，试图把自己封闭起来，以免再次受伤。但发生在你身上的事情不是你的错。（停顿。）我不知道那些女孩为什么会那样做，但那与你无关。那是很久以前的事了。从那以后，你遇到了很多人，他们对你很好，喜欢你。（停顿。） 治疗师：很好，Jenny。你能鼓励她吗？你希望她明白什么？ Jenny：Jenny，你害怕是合乎情理的，但你一直在努力，而且已经有了成效。小组的其他成员喜欢你。楼上的女生邀请你和她们一起出去，这意味着她们可能喜欢你。是时候开始多冒险了。 治疗师：Jenny，（指向另一把椅子）她害怕如果他们真正了解她，会排斥她。你希望她知道什么？ Jenny：（看着另一把椅子。）你是一个好人。你善良，总是先考虑别人。你尽了最大的努力。（停顿。）你没有任何问题。（眼睛湿润。） 治疗师：Jenny，你能再说一遍吗？ Jenny：你没有任何问题。（哭泣，温柔地微笑。）

正如我们在上面看到的，双椅工作的力量在于它能够将同情自我的理解转化为真实的情感体验。这些时刻在治疗中非常有力，因为来访学会了真正地感受和表达对自己的善意和同情。治疗师为交流铺垫，并通过苏格拉底式对话来促进这一过程，但同时也留出空间，让对话直接来自来访——仅在需要时提供帮助，帮助来访连接情感自我，并表达同情。 当在前几章中描述的方法已经打下基础时，这项工作会更容易（并且往往更顺利）。

促进同情自我、脆弱自我和自我批判自我之间的对话

双椅工作的另一种方式是帮助促进同情自我、脆弱自我和自我批判者之间的对话。这类似于情感聚焦治疗中使用的椅子工作，目的是帮助来访面对自我批判者（Greenberg, Rice, & Elliot, 1993; Greenberg & Watson, 2006; Pos & Greenberg, 2012）。正如我们上面讨论的，区别在于CFT强调同情自我的发展和应用，以理解、关联和安抚脆弱自我和自我批判者。 这可以根据内化自我批判者的动机以不同的方式展开。我们可以通过提出苏格拉底式的问题来探究这一点，比如：“你的自我批判者想要什么？”“他的动机是什么？”“如果你的自我批判者停止说话，你害怕会发生什么？” 对于一些来访，自我批判主要发挥行为功能，只是他们用来激励自己的学习策略。正如我们从Jenny的例子中看到的，尽管有缺点，但它似乎有时有效（“你真没用。别人都能做到。赶快行动！”）。对于其他来访，自我批判者可能出于恐惧而存在——设计成让他们保持一致，阻止他们从事可能有风险的行为（“你会搞砸的。根本没必要尝试。”）。 然而，对于其他来访，自我批判根植于深刻的自我厌恶或自我仇恨，通常是通过虐待经历、创伤或违背自己价值观的行为获得的。在这种情况下，批评者可能是内化的施虐者的声音，或者出于伤害和惩罚自己的欲望（Gilbert, 2010）。事先了解这一点是有用的，因为它触及了自我批判者的潜在动机——是为了帮助还是为了伤害。对于使用自我批判来激励自己的来访，我们可以围绕同情自我承认自我批判者只是试图帮助，并通过承担自我激励者的角色来提供帮助。椅子工作还可以帮助探索自我批判背后的动机，确定它是否是内化的施虐者声音，并建立对自我批判内在声音情感影响的正念意识。这项练习还可以帮助来访在面对自我批判时学会忍受痛苦，并在批判、脆弱和同情自我之间转换视角。让我们来看一个临床案例，其中体现了上述许多自我批判的动力：

治疗师：Josh，上周的椅子练习你做得很好。当你想象你的朋友Nathan在愤怒中挣扎时，你似乎能够与你的同情自我联系，理解和对待他。 Josh：是的，看起来效果不错。 治疗师：听上去你在练习中以同情的方式对待Nathan，与你平时对自己说话的方式非常不同。比如上次你称自己为“一个糟糕的父亲”。听上去你的内在自我批判有时会非常强烈。 Josh：是的。我厌恶自己。我一直试图整理好自己的事情，似乎有一段时间会有效，但随后我又搞砸了。 治疗师：听上去你的自我批判有很多话要说。既然你已经体验过智慧、善良、同情的自己是如何对待Nathan的，我想知道我们能否再做一个椅子练习，探索自我批判和同情在处理这些感受时的不同视角。你愿意试一试吗？ Josh：当然可以。不过我真的不知道你希望我做什么。 治疗师：好的，让我们弄清楚。我要把这些三把椅子摆在这里。（把三把椅子摆成三角形，每把椅子都朝向其他椅子。）这把椅子（指）是给你的自我批判的。任何时候你对自己有任何批判的话，只要坐在这个椅子上就可以说出来。这把椅子（指第二把椅子）是给你的脆弱自我——被批判者攻击的部分。这是你感受到批评影响的部分。这边（指第三把椅子）是给你的同情自我的。这是智慧、善良、勇敢的你，希望帮助这两个部分——帮助被批判的自我感到安全并管理情绪，帮助平息自我批判，使他不必如此攻击。这样讲清楚了吗？ Josh：（有些怀疑地看着）我觉得是的…… 治疗师：太好了。你坐在这个椅子上（指脆弱自我椅子），告诉我最近一次你与愤怒斗争的经历。 Josh：好的。（移到椅子上。）前天晚上我把狗放到后院。我的女儿Chloe和她的朋友们在外面玩，留下了开着的门。所以狗穿过敞开的门跑到了邻居家。我当时非常生气。我不得不追它，一边追一边骂它，最后把它带回了家。回到家后，我只是把它放下，然后冲Chloe发火，因为她没有关上门。她和她妈妈看着我好像我是怪物一样，她们整晚都避开我。 治疗师：那对你来说是什么样的体验？ Josh：当时我非常生气——对狗，对Chloe。我在邻居家追狗的样子像个白痴。为什么她就不能关上该死的门呢？但后来我通过大喊和发火让情况变得更糟。我总是把事情搞砸。 治疗师：听上去你的自我批判对此有很多话要说。你想换到这个椅子上吗？（指批判椅子。） Josh：（换椅子。）好的。 治疗师：那么在这个椅子上，你可以尽情发表批评。回头看这个椅子（指Josh刚才坐过的椅子），看到那个版本的自己——那个生气、追狗、大喊、放下狗、冲Chloe发火的自己。你说的那个总是把事情搞砸的自己。你的自我批判对他有什么要说的？想象你是在直接对他说，就像上周一样。 Josh：你把一切都搞砸了。（看着治疗师。）像这样？ 治疗师：（点头，指回被批判的自我椅子。）就是这样。 Josh：（回头看椅子。）你是个白痴。你是个糟糕的父亲和丈夫。你到底有什么毛病，把每件事都搞成大事？如果她们有点脑子，早就离开你了！你为什么总是要把每件事都搞砸？你让我恶心！（摇头，低头。） 治疗师：（沉默等待大约三十秒。）还有什么要说的吗？ Josh：我觉得差不多了。 治疗师：那么让我们回到这个椅子上……（指脆弱自我椅子。） Josh：（换椅子。） 治疗师：让你自己接收所有自我批判说的话。（指自我批判椅子。）他称你为糟糕的父亲和丈夫，指责你总是把事情搞砸……听到这些话是什么感觉？ Josh：（缩进椅子，低头。）感觉糟透了。感觉像是真的。我想做得更好，但似乎总是把事情搞砸。 治疗师：看看他。（指自我批判椅子。）你对他的感觉如何？ Josh：我害怕他。他听起来就像我的爸爸。我只是希望他能放过我。

治疗师：你父亲过去常常这样批评你。 乔什： 是的，一直这样。我做什么都不对。 治疗师：我觉得这体现了慈悲的智慧——找到自我批评的声音和你内心愤怒的根源。我们来试试慈悲椅怎么样？（指向慈悲自我椅。） 乔什： 好的。（换到慈悲自我椅。） 治疗师：让我们花点时间放松呼吸，感受一下慈悲自我的特质。（等待十秒。）想象自己充满了帮助这两个部分的愿望（指向两个空椅子）……洞察深层真相、多角度看问题的智慧……以及面对困难的勇气。 乔什： （静静坐着。） 治疗师：从这个智慧而慈悲的角度，我们怎样理解这两个部分？我们先来看看这个。（指向脆弱自我椅。）他坐在那里，对自己的行为感到羞愧，听到这些批评。他感觉如何？ 乔什： 他感觉糟透了。绝望。他只想一个人待着。 治疗师：他觉得总是把事情搞砸？ 乔什： 是的，他确实总是把事情搞砸。 治疗师：这听起来像是你的自我批评又出现了。要不要换到另一个椅子上去？（指向批评椅。） 乔什： 不用，我还能应对。 治疗师：从这种温暖而慈悲的角度来看这位（指向脆弱自我），你对他有什么理解？他是故意把事情搞砸的吗？这是他的本意吗？ 乔什： 不是。他并不想搞砸。他对自己做的事感到非常内疚。他并不是故意的。 治疗师：所以他的初衷其实是想做得更好，只是对他来说太难了？ 乔什： 是的。他想做得更好，但不知道该怎么做。 治疗师：（指向自我批评椅。）那么他呢？他的故事是什么？ 乔什： 他只是希望那个家伙（指向脆弱自我椅）不要再这么失败了。他已经受够了。 治疗师：他确实很严厉……你说过他听起来像你父亲以前的样子？ 乔什： 是的。这是我父亲过去常对我说的话。 治疗师：所以我们能理解自我批评为什么会形成这样的性格了吧？ 乔什： 是的…… 治疗师：那么当你的自我批评攻击他（指向被批评的自我椅）时，有帮助吗？这能让他表现得更好吗？ 乔什： （停顿了一会儿。）没有。这只会让他更糟。 治疗师：这听起来像是慈悲的理解。你明白了自我批评之所以如此严厉——是因为受到了你父亲的影响——但你也意识到严厉并没有带来积极的效果。你从这个慈悲和理解的角度，想对他说些什么？（指向自我批评。） 乔什： （转向自我批评椅。）我明白。你累了。我们都很累。但是攻击和贬低他并不能解决问题。这只会让你更生气，也让他更难应对。（指向被批评的自我。）你不想变成像父亲那样的人。（低下头。） 治疗师：乔什，你做得非常好。这是一个非常敏感的过程。我们换回之前的椅子怎么样？（指向脆弱自我椅。） 乔什： （换椅子。） 治疗师：听起来你内心有一部分非常害怕自己最终会变成像你父亲一样的人。 乔什： 是的……虽然他是个了不起的人，但在我成长的过程中，我很多时候都非常害怕他。他对任何小事都会发脾气。只要有机会，我就会尽量避开他。我不想让我的孩子对我有同样的感受。我不想让他们从我这里学到这些负面的东西，就像我从他那里学到的一样。 治疗师：你希望孩子们对你有什么样的感觉，乔什？ 乔什： （含泪）我希望他们爱我，也希望他们知道我爱他们。但我总是不断地犯错。我必须做得更好。 治疗师：这就是你来这里的原因，对吧？因为你想要做得更好？你一直在为此而努力，不是吗？ 乔什： 是的。我只是希望这一切能快点见效。 治疗师：乔什，你愿意再回到这个椅子上吗？（指向慈悲自我椅。） 乔什： 当然可以。（移动。） 治疗师：从这个慈悲的角度来看，看看这里的乔什。（指向脆弱自我椅。）他在这里接受治疗，努力学习如何做得更好，成为孩子的榜样。这对他来说并不容易，对吧？ 乔什： 是的，真的很难。 治疗师：你对他有什么感觉？ 乔什： 我为他感到难过，你知道吗？ 治疗师：你想要帮助他吗？ 乔什： 我想要。我是说，如果我可以的话。 治疗师：嗯，你已经看到了他的努力。他有所进步吗？ 乔什： 我想他已经有所进步。这周有几次，我——我是说他——开始生气，但后来就平静了下来。我不知道别人是否注意到，但我注意到了。在以往，我可能会因此而激动，但这次我只是深呼吸了一段时间。我还按照我们的讨论，花了更多时间和孩子们一起玩。

治疗师：你已经看到他的努力有所回报了。但当他坐在那里，感到绝望，对自己的状态非常不满——担心他会让孩子感受到他对父亲的那种感觉。你想对他说些什么？你希望他明白什么？（指向易受伤的自我椅。） Josh：（看向椅子。）你不是父亲，至少不是那个糟糕的部分。他从未认为那是个问题，也完全不在意我们的看法。而你在乎，你也正在努力变得更好。 治疗师：你打算怎样鼓励他继续前进？ Josh：你一直在努力，而且确实有所成效。当然，偶尔还是会出错，但你不能要求自己做到完美。 治疗师：很好，继续说下去，告诉他你看到了他的哪些进步。 Josh：你成功地让自己冷静下来，还抽时间和孩子们一起踢足球。他们玩得很开心。（转头看向治疗师。）真的，那次确实很开心。 治疗师：听上去确实不错。你觉得你的同情心自我会建议多和孩子们进行这样的活动吗？ Josh：当然会。 治疗师：我们回到易受伤的自我椅上结束这次谈话吧？（指向易受伤的自我椅。） Josh：（换到另一把椅子上。） 治疗师：让我们花一点时间，让同情心Josh的话语深入心中——感受你为变得更好所付出的努力，你已经取得的成绩，以及鼓励你继续前行的力量。这样的感觉如何？ Josh：感觉很好，不过有点不习惯。 治疗师：有点不习惯…… Josh：是的，我从没这样和自己对话过。 治疗师：但这感觉不错？ Josh：是的……不再那么绝望了，反而感到鼓舞。 治疗师：那么，在帮助你管理愤怒和改善家庭关系方面，哪一种声音对你来说更有帮助呢？（指向空椅子。） Josh：那个。（指向同情心自我椅。） 治疗师：看来，当你真正倾听同情心Josh的话时，你的自我批评就没什么可说的了。 Josh：是的，它确实没什么可说的了。

总结：在这个章节里，我们探讨了使用椅子工作法来强化体验性的焦点，特别是针对同情心自我，探索并应用同情心于自我批评的动力学之中。我们越能将同情转化为当下时刻的感受、想法和行为，效果就会越好。在下一章中，我们将探索案例构建在组织我们对来访及其挑战的理解中的作用。

总结：在这个章节里，我们探讨了使用椅子工作法来强化体验性的焦点，特别是针对同情心自我，探索并应用同情心于自我批评的动力学之中。我们越能将同情转化为当下时刻的感受、想法和行为，效果就会越好。在下一章中，我们将探索案例构建在组织我们对来访及其挑战的理解中的作用。

本章知识点阐述

知识点阐述

同情焦点疗法（Compassion Focused Therapy, CFT）

同情焦点疗法是一种心理治疗方法，旨在帮助个体培养对自己和他人的同情心。这种方法特别适用于那些经历过长期自我批判或情感困扰的人群。CFT基于以下核心理念：

• 情感调节：通过培养同情心，个体可以更好地管理和调节自己的情绪。
• 认知重构：帮助个体重新评估自我批判的思维模式，发展出更加积极和支持性的内心对话。
• 行为改变：鼓励个体采取同情的行为，改善人际关系，提升生活质量。

椅子工作法

椅子工作法是CFT中的一种重要技术，源于情感聚焦治疗（Emotion-Focused Therapy, EFT），由心理学家莱斯利·格林伯格等人开发。这种方法通过让来访在想象中与他人对话（即使这些“他人”可能是他们自己），来促进情感的探索和解决。主要特点包括：

• 情感探索：帮助来访深入了解和表达自己的情感。
• 情感转化：通过对话和互动，促进情感从消极到积极的转变。
• 即时体验：椅子工作法提供了即时的、具体的体验，使来访能够在治疗过程中直接处理困难情绪。

空椅工作法

空椅工作法特别适合那些难以从同情的角度看待自己问题的个体。通过设想一个爱的人坐在对面的椅子上，并面对着与自己相似的挑战，来访可以从一个更加同情的角度来反思自己的问题。具体步骤如下：

1. 准备阶段：引入另一个椅子，放置在来访椅子的对面。
2. 同情自我练习：引导来访进行同情自我练习，帮助他们进入一种善良、明智、自信的状态。
3. 想象对话：让来访想象一个他们关心的人坐在对面的椅子上，面对与自己相似的挑战。
4. 情感互动：引导来访从同情自我的角度，想象自己会如何与这个爱的人互动，表达关心和支持。
5. 反思与整合：帮助来访将这种同情的态度应用到自己身上，减少自我批判，增强自我同情。

通过这些练习，CFT不仅提供了一种处理负面情绪的有效工具，还促进了个体的心理成长和个人发展。这种方法有助于来访建立更健康的自我形象，减少负面情绪的影响，提高整体的心理健康水平。

知识点阐述

同情焦点疗法（Compassion Focused Therapy, CFT）

同情焦点疗法是一种心理治疗方法，旨在帮助个体培养对自己和他人的同情心。这种方法特别适用于那些经历过长期自我批判或情感困扰的人群。CFT基于以下核心理念：

• 情感调节：通过培养同情心，个体可以更好地管理和调节自己的情绪。
• 认知重构：帮助个体重新评估自我批判的思维模式，发展出更加积极和支持性的内心对话。
• 行为改变：鼓励个体采取同情的行为，改善人际关系，提升生活质量。

椅子工作法

椅子工作法是CFT中的一种重要技术，源于情感聚焦治疗（Emotion-Focused Therapy, EFT），由心理学家莱斯利·格林伯格等人开发。这种方法通过让来访在想象中与他人对话（即使这些“他人”可能是他们自己），来促进情感的探索和解决。主要特点包括：

• 情感探索：帮助来访深入了解和表达自己的情感。
• 情感转化：通过对话和互动，促进情感从消极到积极的转变。
• 即时体验：椅子工作法提供了即时的、具体的体验，使来访能够在治疗过程中直接处理困难情绪。

空椅工作法

空椅工作法特别适合那些难以从同情的角度看待自己问题的个体。通过设想一个爱的人坐在对面的椅子上，并面对着与自己相似的挑战，来访可以从一个更加同情的角度来反思自己的问题。具体步骤如下：

1. 准备阶段：引入另一个椅子，放置在来访椅子的对面。
2. 同情自我练习：引导来访进行同情自我练习，帮助他们进入一种善良、明智、自信的状态。
3. 想象对话：让来访想象一个他们关心的人坐在对面的椅子上，面对与自己相似的挑战。
4. 情感互动：引导来访从同情自我的角度，想象自己会如何与这个爱的人互动，表达关心和支持。
5. 反思与整合：帮助来访将这种同情的态度应用到自己身上，减少自我批判，增强自我同情。

案例分析

在这个案例中，Josh在愤怒管理方面遇到了困难，并因此感到羞耻。治疗师通过空椅工作法，帮助Josh从一个更同情的角度看待自己的问题。通过想象一个他关心的朋友Nathan在同样的情况下，Josh能够更客观地看待自己的问题，并从中获得新的视角和解决方案。这种方法不仅有助于减轻Josh的自我批判，还增强了他的自我同情，使他能够更有效地应对日常生活中的挑战。

通过这些练习，CFT不仅提供了一种处理负面情绪的有效工具，还促进了个体的心理成长和个人发展。这种方法有助于来访建立更健康的自我形象，减少负面情绪的影响，提高整体的心理健康水平。

知识点阐述

同情焦点疗法（Compassion Focused Therapy, CFT）

同情焦点疗法是一种心理治疗方法，旨在帮助个体培养对自己和他人的同情心。这种方法特别适用于那些经历过长期自我批判或情感困扰的人群。CFT基于以下核心理念：

• 情感调节：通过培养同情心，个体可以更好地管理和调节自己的情绪。
• 认知重构：帮助个体重新评估自我批判的思维模式，发展出更加积极和支持性的内心对话。
• 行为改变：鼓励个体采取同情的行为，改善人际关系，提升生活质量。

椅子工作法

椅子工作法是CFT中的一种重要技术，源于情感聚焦治疗（Emotion-Focused Therapy, EFT），由心理学家莱斯利·格林伯格等人开发。这种方法通过让来访在想象中与他人对话（即使这些“他人”可能是他们自己），来促进情感的探索和解决。主要特点包括：

• 情感探索：帮助来访深入了解和表达自己的情感。
• 情感转化：通过对话和互动，促进情感从消极到积极的转变。
• 即时体验：椅子工作法提供了即时的、具体的体验，使来访能够在治疗过程中直接处理困难情绪。

双椅工作法

双椅工作法是在CFT中常用的一种技术，旨在通过促进来访内部不同自我之间的对话来加深其对自我同情的体验。具体步骤如下：

1. 设置椅子：设置两把椅子，分别代表同情自我和脆弱自我（如焦虑、抑郁、愤怒等）。
2. 对话开始：让来访从脆弱的椅子开始，邀请那个自我版本发言，真正释放恐惧、悲伤或愤怒。
3. 转换视角：一旦脆弱自我说完，来访被提示转移到同情的椅子上，治疗师引导其转换到同情自我的视角。
4. 同情回应：从同情自我的视角出发，来访以同情的方式回应脆弱的自我，提供验证、理解、善良和鼓励。
5. 反复练习：如果来访发现自己从同情自我的视角转移到了威胁性语言，治疗师会提示其换椅子，直到脆弱的自我说完为止。

案例分析

在这个案例中，Josh能够识别出一个好朋友Nathan，他很容易对Nathan产生和表达同情。这有助于Josh从一个更同情的角度看待自己的问题。治疗师通过空椅工作法，帮助Josh从一个更同情的角度看待自己的问题，从而减轻了他的自我批判，增强了他的自我同情。这种方法不仅有助于减轻Josh的负面情绪，还促进了他心理的成长和个人发展。

通过这些练习，CFT不仅提供了一种处理负面情绪的有效工具，还促进了个体的心理成长和个人发展。这种方法有助于来访建立更健康的自我形象，减少负面情绪的影响，提高整体的心理健康水平。

知识点阐述

同情焦点疗法（Compassion Focused Therapy, CFT）

同情焦点疗法是一种心理治疗方法，旨在帮助个体培养对自己和他人的同情心。这种方法特别适用于那些经历过长期自我批判或情感困扰的人群。CFT基于以下核心理念：

• 情感调节：通过培养同情心，个体可以更好地管理和调节自己的情绪。
• 认知重构：帮助个体重新评估自我批判的思维模式，发展出更加积极和支持性的内心对话。
• 行为改变：鼓励个体采取同情的行为，改善人际关系，提升生活质量。

双椅工作法

双椅工作法是CFT中常用的一种技术，旨在通过促进来访内部不同自我之间的对话来加深其对自我同情的体验。具体步骤如下：

1. 设置椅子：设置两把椅子，分别代表同情自我和脆弱自我（如焦虑、抑郁、愤怒等）。
2. 对话开始：让来访从脆弱的椅子开始，邀请那个自我版本发言，真正释放恐惧、悲伤或愤怒。
3. 转换视角：一旦脆弱自我说完，来访被提示转移到同情的椅子上，治疗师引导其转换到同情自我的视角。
4. 同情回应：从同情自我的视角出发，来访以同情的方式回应脆弱的自我，提供验证、理解、善良和鼓励。
5. 反复练习：如果来访发现自己从同情自我的视角转移到了威胁性语言，治疗师会提示其换椅子，直到脆弱的自我说完为止。

案例分析

在这个案例中，Jenny在面对焦虑和恐惧时，通过双椅工作法得到了显著的帮助。治疗师首先引导Jenny在焦虑的椅子上表达她的恐惧和不安，让她充分感受到这些情绪。然后，Jenny被引导到同情的椅子上，从一个充满同情的视角回应自己的焦虑，提供支持和鼓励。这一过程不仅帮助Jenny更好地理解和接受自己的恐惧，还增强了她的自我同情，减少了自我批判。通过这种方式，Jenny能够更有效地面对生活中的挑战，逐渐克服她的焦虑。

通过这些练习，CFT不仅提供了一种处理负面情绪的有效工具，还促进了个体的心理成长和个人发展。这种方法有助于来访建立更健康的自我形象，减少负面情绪的影响，提高整体的心理健康水平。

知识点阐述

双椅工作法的力量

双椅工作法是一种强大的心理治疗技术，其核心在于将同情自我的理解转化为真实的情感体验。以下是双椅工作法的几个关键点：

• 情感体验：通过双椅工作，来访可以更深刻地感受到和表达对自己的善意和同情。
• 治疗师的角色：治疗师通过苏格拉底式对话来引导和促进来访的自我对话，同时留出空间让对话直接来自来访，仅在必要时提供帮助。
• 前期准备：当在前几章中描述的方法已经打下基础时，这项工作会更容易且更顺利。这包括建立治疗关系、理解进化大脑和社会塑造自我的概念，以及发展同情自我。

促进同情自我、脆弱自我和自我批判自我之间的对话

双椅工作法的另一种应用是帮助促进同情自我、脆弱自我和自我批判者之间的对话。这种方法在情感聚焦治疗中也有类似的使用，目的是帮助来访面对自我批判者。以下是具体步骤和注意事项：

1. 设置椅子：设置三把椅子，分别代表同情自我、脆弱自我和自我批判者。
2. 探索动机：通过苏格拉底式提问，探索自我批判者的动机，例如：“你的自我批判者想要什么？”“他的动机是什么？”“如果你的自我批判者停止说话，你害怕会发生什么？”
3. 不同类型的自我批判：
   • 行为功能型：自我批判作为激励机制，尽管有负面影响，但有时有效。
   • 恐惧驱动型：自我批判出于恐惧，防止来访从事可能有风险的行为。
   • 深层自我厌恶型：自我批判根植于深刻的自我厌恶或自我仇恨，可能源于虐待经历、创伤或违背价值观的行为。
4. 具体操作：
   • 同情自我：帮助来访从同情自我的视角理解、关联和安抚脆弱自我和自我批判者。
   • 探索动机：确定自我批判者的动机，是否是内化的施虐者声音。
   • 正念意识：建立对自我批判内在声音情感影响的正念意识。
   • 视角转换：帮助来访在批判、脆弱和同情自我之间转换视角，学会在面对自我批判时忍受痛苦。

案例分析

在一个临床案例中，来访可能表现出上述多种自我批判的动力。通过双椅工作法，治疗师可以帮助来访：

• 识别和表达脆弱自我：让来访在脆弱的椅子上表达自己的恐惧和不安。
• 探索自我批判者的动机：通过苏格拉底式提问，帮助来访理解自我批判者的动机。
• 建立同情自我：引导来访从同情自我的视角回应脆弱自我和自我批判者，提供支持和鼓励。
• 视角转换：帮助来访在批判、脆弱和同情自我之间转换视角，学会在面对自我批判时忍受痛苦。

通过这些练习，来访不仅能够更好地理解和接受自己的恐惧和不安，还能增强自我同情，减少自我批判，从而更有效地应对生活中的挑战，提高心理健康水平。

知识点阐述

自我批判与同情自我

自我批判是指个体对自己产生负面评价和责备的过程，这种批判可能源自过去的经历、社会压力或个人价值观。自我批判在某些情况下可能具有一定的功能性，如激励个体改进行为，但在大多数情况下，过度的自我批判会导致情绪困扰和心理问题。同情自我则是指个体能够以一种善良、理解和关怀的态度对待自己，帮助自己缓解负面情绪，增强自我接纳和自我效能感。

双椅工作法的应用

双椅工作法是一种心理治疗技术，通过设置不同的椅子来代表个体内心的多个自我，帮助个体在不同自我之间进行对话，从而达到理解和调和的目的。具体步骤如下：

1. 设置椅子：设置三把椅子，分别代表自我批判、脆弱自我和同情自我。
2. 探索脆弱自我：让来访坐在脆弱自我椅子上，讲述最近一次与负面情绪斗争的经历，如Josh在愤怒中对女儿发火。
3. 表达自我批判：来访换到自我批判椅子上，表达对脆弱自我的批判，如Josh对自己的愤怒和行为进行了严厉的自我批评。
4. 接收批判：来访回到脆弱自我椅子上，接收自我批判所说的话，感受这些话带来的影响。
5. 同情自我介入：来访换到同情自我椅子上，从同情的角度回应脆弱自我和自我批判，提供支持和安慰。

案例分析

在这个案例中，Josh通过双椅工作法逐步探索了自己的内心世界：

• 脆弱自我：Josh在脆弱自我椅子上讲述了自己因女儿未关门导致狗逃跑而发火的经历，表达了他对自己的愤怒和失望。
• 自我批判：Josh在自我批判椅子上对自己进行了严厉的批评，认为自己是个糟糕的父亲和丈夫，总是把事情搞砸。
• 同情自我：Josh在同情自我椅子上从同情的角度回应了脆弱自我和自我批判，表达了对脆弱自我的理解和安慰，以及对自我批判的质疑和调和。

通过这些练习，Josh不仅能够更深刻地理解自己的内心冲突，还能够在同情自我的帮助下，逐步减轻自我批判带来的负面影响，增强自我接纳和自我效能感。这种方法有助于来访在面对负面情绪时，学会更加温和和理智地对待自己，从而提高心理健康水平。

进一步阐述的知识点

这段对话展示了心理治疗中使用的一种技术，称为“空椅技术”或“角色扮演技术”。这项技术源自格式塔疗法，是一种帮助个体识别、表达和整合内在冲突的情感和技术。通过将不同的自我部分置于不同的椅子上，治疗师引导患者探索内心的多个方面，包括自我批评、脆弱的自我和慈悲的自我。

1. 自我批评：乔什的自我批评部分反映了他童年时期受到父亲严厉批评的影响。这种批评不仅影响了他的自我评价，还可能导致他在成年后继续以同样的方式对待自己。治疗师通过引导乔什认识到自我批评的起源，并鼓励他从一个更慈悲的角度来看待自己，帮助他减少自我攻击。

2. 脆弱的自我：乔什的脆弱部分代表了他在面对批评和失败时的无助感和绝望感。这部分的自我通常会感到羞愧、孤独，甚至认为自己无能。通过与这一部分建立联系，乔什能够更好地理解自己的情感需求，从而开始治愈过程。

3. 慈悲的自我：慈悲的部分代表了乔什内心深处希望给予自己关爱和支持的一面。通过培养慈悲的自我，乔什学会了用更加温和、理解和接纳的态度对待自己。这种转变对于改善他的自我形象和心理健康至关重要。

4. 情感整合：整个对话过程中，治疗师引导乔什在不同的自我部分之间切换，目的是促进情感的整合。通过这种方式，乔什不仅能够认识到每个部分的存在，还能学会如何在这些部分之间建立健康的互动，最终实现内心的和谐与平衡。

5. 成长与改变：乔什表示他已经意识到自己的进步，即使这些变化微小且不易被他人察觉。这种自我认知是个人成长的重要标志，表明他正在逐步克服过去的负面影响，建立起更加健康的生活模式。

通过这种治疗方法，乔什不仅能够在治疗过程中获得支持，还能在日常生活中运用这些技巧，更好地管理自己的情绪，提高生活质量。

这段对话展示了心理治疗中的一种技术，即“椅子工作法”，通过物理上的换位思考来帮助个体更好地理解自我批评和同情心之间的关系。这种方法不仅有助于个体识别和处理内心的冲突，还能促进更加积极、健康的自我对话模式的形成。通过这种方式，Josh能够从不同的角度看待自己的行为和感受，尤其是当他扮演“同情心自我”时，能够给予自己更多的理解和鼓励，这对于管理和减少自我批评，建立更健康的人际关系具有重要意义。此外，这种方法强调的不是与自我批评斗争，而是通过培养同情心来自我接纳和支持，从而达到心理成长的目的。

这段对话展示了心理治疗中使用的一种称为“空椅技术”的方法，通过角色扮演来帮助个体识别和整合内心的冲突情感。以下是几个关键点：

• 自我批判：Josh的自我批判部分反映了他在面对错误时的苛刻态度，这部分深受其童年时期父亲严厉批评的影响。
• 脆弱的自我：这部分代表了Josh在面对批评和失败时的无助感和绝望感，他感到羞愧并且害怕重蹈覆辙。
• 慈悲的自我：这是Josh内心深处希望给予自己关爱和支持的一面，通过培养这一部分，他学会了用更加温和的态度对待自己。
• 情感整合：整个过程旨在促进情感的整合，让Josh能够认识到每个部分的存在，并学会如何在这些部分之间建立健康的互动，从而实现内心的和谐与平衡。
• 成长与改变：Josh表示他已经意识到自己的进步，即使变化微小且不易被他人察觉。这种自我认知是个人成长的重要标志，表明他正逐步克服过去的负面影响，建立起更加健康的生活模式。

通过这种方法，Josh不仅能够在治疗过程中获得支持，还能在日常生活中运用这些技巧，更好地管理自己的情绪，提高生活质量。

C H A P T E R 12 Embodying Compassion: Chair Work in CFT In helping clients work compassionately with difficult emotions, CFT seeks to make things as expe- riential as possible. A powerful way to accomplish this is through chair work, including empty-­ chair, two-­chair, and multiple-­chair exercises. Chair work brings an immediacy and intensity that allow clients to work compassionately with difficult emotions in real time. CFT draws heavily from the work of a pioneer of modern chair work, Leslie Greenberg, who along with his colleagues has placed chair work as a central component of emotion-focused therapy (EFT) and applied it extensively with self-­critical patients (Greenberg, Rice, & Elliot, 1993; Greenberg & Watson, 2006; Pos & Greenberg, 2012). A recent pilot study demonstrated the useful- ness of such chair work for increasing self-­compassion and self-­reassurance in self-­critical clients, in addition to decreasing self-­criticism and symptoms of anxiety and depression (Shahar et al., 2012).

CHAIR WORK IN CFT CFT builds upon the EFT approach to chair work by emphasizing the role of the compassionate self. In CFT, the focus is on the continued development of the compassionate self and the applica- tion of this aspect of the self in working with difficult emotions and self-­criticism (Gilbert, 2010). In this chapter, I’ll present a few variations of how compassion-­focused chair work can be applied in therapy.

Empty-­Chair Work When working with self-­critical clients who may have a hard time viewing their difficulties from a compassionate perspective, empty-­chair work can be a good way to start. Empty-­chair work can be brought into the therapy shortly after introducing the Compassionate Self practice as a way to help clients more deeply connect with this compassionate perspective, especially as it applies to themselves. In this practice, we bring in another chair, positioned across from the client’s chair. Beginning with a Compassionate Self exercise, we have the client imagine another person, perhaps someone the client cares about, sitting in the chair opposite him. We have him imagine that this person is presenting with a challenge that is very similar to the one the client has been experienc- ing, and around which he has criticized himself. We have the client imagine how he would feel about and interact with this beloved person from the kind, wise, confident perspective of the com- passionate self. Let’s consider how this exercise might look: Therapist: Josh, we’ve been talking about your struggles with anger, and how you feel a lot of shame around that. Josh: Yeah…it makes me feel like a piece of shit. This stuff has been helping, but sometimes I come home from work and I just want to have a good time with my wife and the kids. Then some small thing sets me off—­the kids whining about their homework or something—­and I find myself raising my voice to them instead. You can see them tense up, and they all look at me like I’m the problem. I see them walking on eggshells around me. It makes me sick. I’m trying to get my shit together, but I just keep doing it. I’m a terrible husband and father. Therapist: That sounds like it feels awful. Josh: Yeah, but it’s my own damn fault. Therapist: I’m wondering if you’d be willing to try an exercise that would help us bring some compassion to this situation. Something to strengthen that compassionate self we’ve been building up to help you work with your anger? Josh: I guess I’m willing to try anything at this point. Therapist: That’s the sort of courage that’s really going to help as we go through this process. This is going to be an “empty-­chair” exercise, so I’m going to move this chair right here opposite yours, okay? Josh: Okay… (somewhat dubiously) Therapist: (Smiles.) Trust me…there’s a reason for the chair. When I first learned about chair techniques, I thought it was a little weird, too. But I’m sold on it, now. Josh: All right. Therapist: Let’s begin with the Compassionate Self practice we introduced last session. We’ll start by doing some soothing rhythm breathing, focusing our attention on slowing down the body, slowing down the mind. Josh: (Straightens, closes his eyes, and slows his breathing.) Therapist: (Waits one minute or so.) Now let’s shift into the kind, wise, confident perspective of the compassionate self. Imagining that you’re filled with the kind wish to benefit others and yourself. (Waits thirty seconds.) Filled with a deep wisdom and the ability to see things from many perspectives. (Waits thirty seconds.) And a deep, courageous confidence, knowing that whatever arises, I can work with this, too. (Waits thirty seconds.) When you’re ready, slowly open your eyes, bringing this compassionate perspective with you into the room. Josh: (Waits a bit, then slowly opens his eyes.) Therapist: Josh, I’d like you to imagine that in this chair is someone you like and care about…maybe a good friend you enjoy hanging out with and would want to help. Do you have someone like that? Josh: Yeah. My buddy Nathan is like that. We hang out all the time, watching sports and things like that. We also talk a lot—­he’s about the only person I talk about this stuff with. Therapist: It’s great to hear that you have someone you can talk with. It sounds like you guys are pretty close. Josh: Nathan gets it. He’s like a brother. Therapist: Perfect. Josh, let’s imagine that Nathan is sitting here in this chair, and that he’s just been really vulnerable. He’s told you that he’s struggled with anger his whole life, that he’s worked really hard to control it but it seems like nothing works. He’s told you that despite his best efforts, he sometimes raises his voice to his wife and kids, and he knows they walk on eggshells around him. He’s even getting therapy to try and help with it, which was really difficult for him to do. He tells you he feels like a terrible husband and father. He’s really feeling ashamed. Josh: I think I see where you’re going with this… Therapist: I bet you do. But let’s see if we can go with it, shall we? If Nathan were here in this chair, and he had just told you all of this about his struggles with anger, how would you feel about him? Would you condemn him? Josh: Condemn him? No. I’d tell him I know what it is like. Therapist: Seeing him struggle with this anger, seeing how hard this is for him, what would you feel? Josh: I’d feel terrible for him. And I guess I’d look up to him for being so honest about it, and for getting help. That’s hard to do. Therapist: It sure is. From this place of compassion—­seeing his struggle and wanting to help—­what would you want him to understand? How might you reassure him? Josh: I’d want him to understand that he isn’t the only one…that I feel like that too, sometimes. I’d tell him some of what we’ve talked about—­that it isn’t his fault that he learned to get angry, and that he can learn things that will help. I’d tell him the fact that he’s concerned about what kind of husband and father he is probably means he’s a pretty good one, and that I know for sure he’s a damn good friend. And going to therapy—­that’s tough. Therapist: Josh, that’s wonderful. Your compassionate self has a lot to say to Nathan. How do you think he’d feel if he heard that? Josh: I think he’d feel better. I know I’ve felt better when he’s said that kind of stuff to me. Therapist: So he’s encouraged you like this in the past? Josh: Yeah. Like I said, he’s like a brother to me. Therapist: I’ve noticed that the things you would say to Nathan—­and the things he says to you—­are very different from the condemning way your self-­critic talks to you when you’ve struggled with anger. Which ways of talking seem to be more helpful—­the compassionate reassurance and encouragement, or the condemning self-­criticism? Which way of talking to yourself will help you shift out of the angry, threatened self and into the man you want to be? Josh: I think I get it. Beating myself up only makes it worse. Therapist: True. But we’re not just talking about refraining from beating yourself up. It’s about finding ways to compassionately reassure yourself and encourage yourself to do better—­to help yourself the way you would want to help someone you cared about, like Nathan. Or the way Nathan would help you. Do you think that would be more helpful than beating yourself up? Josh: It probably would. Therapist: When you’re home at the end of the day, just wanting things to go well, and one of the kids starts whining, you might even try to take a few breaths, slow things down, and imagine what that compassionate version of you might do. Or even imagine what Nathan might say to help you keep from getting angry. Josh: I believe that might help. I think I’ll try that. This example is adapted from numerous sessions in which I’ve used chair work with clients who struggle with anger. It was very helpful that Josh was able to identify a good friend—­Nathan—­for whom it was easy for Josh to feel and direct compassion. It also helped that Josh and Nathan had a friendship in which they actually talked about things, so it was easier for Josh to connect with a compassionate, encouraging perspective around the anger. This isn’t always the case, particularly for people who struggle with anger (and perhaps even more so with men), so sometimes more work is required to set up the imagery of someone the client is likely to relate to in a compassionate versus condemning manner. This is one reason that I often like to do CFT for anger treatment in groups. In groups, we can create a shared camaraderie and compassionate understanding among members who know how hard it is, and can model the sort of compassionate understanding and encouragement to one another that Nathan modeled to Josh in the example above. Two-­Chair Work The hope is that by the time we get to chair work, previous layers of therapy (the therapeutic relationship, understandings about the evolved brain and social shaping of the self, Compassionate Self work) will have laid the groundwork for self-­compassion. If so, we can use two-­chair work to deepen the client’s experience of self-­compassion, bringing it directly into the present moment. There are different ways to set this up. First, we’ll explore putting the compassionate self in one chair, and the vulnerable self (anxious, depressed, angry, and so on) in the other, and facilitating a dialogue between them. In the second case, we can assist the client in working with self-­criticism by facilitating a dialogue between the compassionate self and the self-­critical self. In CFT, all of this work is focused on developing and strengthening the kind, wise, courageous perspective of the compassionate self so that clients can get better and better at applying these qualities in their lives.

FACILITATING DIALOGUE BETWEEN THE COMPASSIONATE AND VULNERABLE SELVES In this practice, two chairs are set up, and the therapist assists the client in having a dialogue between a version of herself that represents the emotion with which she is struggling (such as anxiety, depression, or anger) and her wise, kind, confident compassionate self. Typically, we’ll have the client begin in the vulnerable chair, inviting that version of the self to speak its piece—­to really let the fear, sadness, or anger flow. Sometimes more than one of these emotions will show up for the client, in which case we can use the Multiple Selves exercise introduced in chapter 14. Once the threat-­based self has had its say, the client is prompted to shift into the compassionate chair, at which point the therapist guides her in shifting into the perspective of the compassionate self. From this perspective, the client then compassionately addresses the vulnerable self, offering validation, understanding, kindness, and encouragement (with guidance from the therapist if needed). Should the client find herself shifting out of the perspective of the compassionate self and back into threat-­based language, it’s no problem—­the therapist just prompts her to switch chairs until the vulnerable self has had her say. Let’s consider how this might look: Therapist: Jenny, we’ve been exploring how you can bring compassion to your fears with the Compassionate Self practice and things like the compassionate letter. It’s my sense that these have been helpful. Is that right? Jenny: They really have. It’s been nice to see things from that perspective. The letter has really helped—­I’ve read it a lot, and it’s helped encourage me to do things that I usually don’t. Therapist: That’s great. As we’ve discussed, a big part of working compassionately with anxiety is to help you to face your fears—­to be able to do things, even when you’re scared of them, so that you can learn that you can do it. Jenny: Yeah, I’ve been doing more of that. It seems to be helping, although it isn’t fun. Therapist: I would imagine not—­it’s tough to face the things that scare us, and you’re doing a great job. Today I’d like to introduce another practice we can use to deepen that work and bring compassion and encouragement to that anxious part of you. How does that sound? Jenny: I’d be up for that. Therapist: Great! This is a two-­chair exercise, so I’ll have you moving around a bit. (Gets up to set up two chairs facing one another in the middle of the room.) This chair is the “anxious chair.” (Gestures toward the chair.) We’ll put Anxious Jenny in this chair, and let her express all of her fears. Jenny: (Nods.) Okay. Therapist: (Gestures toward the other chair.) In this chair, we’ll put Compassionate Jenny, who’ll be listening to Anxious Jenny, feeling compassion for her, and offering her compassion, understanding, and encouragement. Does that make sense? Jenny: I think so. It seems a little weird, though. Therapist: Initially it can seem a little weird. No worries—­I’m here to facilitate things. I’ll give you prompts for what to think about and do, instructions on when to change chairs, and things like that. If you’re ready, how about you sit down over here in the anxious chair? Jenny: Okay. (Moves to the anxious chair.) Therapist: In this chair, we’ll give Anxious Jenny the mic, so that we can really hear her perspective. You’ve got a lot of things you’re working on—­this group project, wanting to do more social activities, even to start dating. Does Anxious Jenny have much to say about that stuff? Jenny: She sure does. Therapist: Well, here’s her chance. Take a few minutes to allow yourself to feel the fears and anxiety about these things you want to do. Notice how the anxiety feels in your body. Imagine yourself working in the group project, going out with friends, going on dates. What fears or anxieties come up? Talk about how you’re feeling in real time. Jenny: (Closes her eyes for a bit, then opens them.) There are all these things I want to do, but I’m terrified of doing them. Therapist: What are you afraid of? Jenny: I’m afraid that I’ll put myself out there, and they’ll all hate me. I’ll say the wrong thing, and look stupid. I’m afraid that just when I start feeling comfortable, they’ll make fun of me, and reject me. (Becomes tearful.) Therapist: You’re doing great, Jenny. Let the fears come. Jenny: If they get to know me, really get to know me, they won’t like me. I’m not like them, and they’ll see that. (Cries openly.) It’ll be just like it was before. What’s wrong with me? Why won’t they like me? Therapist: (Leans in kindly; waits silently.) Does Anxious Jenny have anything more she needs to say? Jenny: (Dabs her tears and gently smiles.) No, I think that’s about it. Therapist: Think you’re ready to switch chairs? Jenny: I think so. (Gets up and switches chairs.) Therapist: Slowing down the breath. (Waits thirty seconds.) Bringing up the kind, wise, courageous perspective of the compassionate self. Once again, imagining yourself filled with these qualities: the kind wish to help yourself and others, the wisdom to see deeply from many perspectives, the courage to face the scary things. Imagine yourself filled with compassion. Jenny: (Closes her eyes and breathes slowly and quietly.) Therapist: When you’re ready, opening your eyes and looking at Anxious Jenny, sitting there, sharing her fears with us. She just wants to be accepted—­to participate, to have friends, to date. She’s doing her best, but she’s scared because of the things that have happened to her. From this compassionate perspective—­filled with kindness—how do you feel about her? Jenny: I feel terrible for her. It’s so hard for her. She just wants to fit in, wants people to like her. She’s so scared she’ll be hurt again. Therapist: It makes sense that she’d feel this way, doesn’t it? Jenny: It does make sense, after what happened to her. Therapist: From this compassionate perspective, I’d like you to talk with Jenny—­validate her, encourage her—­offering whatever might be helpful. Talk with Jenny like she’s sitting right there in this chair, right now. Jenny: (Pauses, thinking.) Jenny, you’ve been scared for a long time, and you’ve tried locking yourself away from the world so you don’t get hurt again. But what happened to you wasn’t your fault. (Pauses.) I don’t know why those girls did what they did, but it didn’t have anything to do with you. That was a long time ago. You’ve met lots of people since then who have been nice to you, and who like you. (Pauses.) Therapist: That’s great, Jenny. Can you encourage her? What do you want her to understand? Jenny: Jenny, it makes sense that you’re scared, but you’re working hard on this, and it’s paying off. The other members of your group like you. The girls on your floor invite you out with them, which means they probably like you. It’s time to start taking more chances. Therapist: Jenny, (gesturing toward the other chair) she’s afraid that if they really get to know her, they’ll reject her. What do you want her to know? Jenny: (Looks at the other chair.) You are a good person. You are kind, and you think of others before yourself. You do your best. (Pauses.) There’s nothing wrong with you. (Eyes redden.) Therapist: Jenny, could you say that again? Jenny: There’s nothing wrong with you. (Cries, smiling gently.) As we see above, the power of two-­chair work is its ability to translate the understandings of the compassionate self into felt experiential realizations. These can be powerful moments in therapy, as clients learn what it means to really feel and express kindness and compassion toward them- selves. The therapist sets the stage for the interchange and uses Socratic dialogue to facilitate it, but creates space so that the dialogue comes directly from the client—­helping only as needed to aid the client in connecting with the emotional selves, and to connect with and express compassion. This work is a lot easier (and tends to go more smoothly) when the groundwork has been laid in the ways described in previous chapters.

FACILITATING DIALOGUE BETWEEN THE COMPASSIONATE, VULNERABLE, AND SELF-­CRITICAL SELVES Another way to use two-­chair work is to help facilitate a dialogue between the compassionate self, the vulnerable self, and the self-­critic. This work is reminiscent of that seen in Emotion-­Focused Therapy, in which chair work is used to help the client come face-­to-­face with the self-­critic (Greenberg, Rice, & Elliot, 1993; Greenberg & Watson, 2006; Pos & Greenberg, 2012). As we dis- cussed above, the difference is that in CFT, a strong emphasis is on the development and applica- tion of the compassionate self in understanding, relating to, and soothing the vulnerable self and self-­critic. This can play out in different ways, depending upon the motivation of the internalized self-­ critic. We can get at this by asking Socratic questions like, “What does your self-­critic want?” “What is his motivation?” “What are you afraid might happen if your self-­critic stopped talking?” For some clients, self-­criticism plays a primarily behavioral function and is simply the learned strat- egy they use to motivate themselves. As we’ve seen with Jenny, it’s a tool that seems to work some- times, despite its drawbacks (You’re so pathetic. Everyone else can do this. Just get on with it!). In other clients, the self-­critic can be motivated by fear—­designed to keep them in line, shutting them down so that they don’t engage in behaviors that might be risky (You’re just going to screw this up. There’s no point in even trying.). For other clients, however, the self-­criticism is anchored in a deep sense of self-­loathing or self-­ hatred, often acquired through abusive experiences, trauma, or the experience of having done something that is antithetical to their values. In this case the critic can arise from the internalized voice of an abuser, or from a desire to harm and punish the self (Gilbert, 2010). It can be useful to have a sense of this beforehand, because it gets at the underlying motivation of the self-­critic—­to help, or to harm. For the client who uses self-­criticism to motivate herself, we can frame the dia- logue around the compassionate self acknowledging that the self-­critic is only trying to help, and stepping in to help by taking over the role of self-­motivator. Chair work can also help to explore the motivation behind the self-­critic, to identify whether it is an internalized voice of an abuser, and to build mindful awareness of the emotional impact of the self-­critical inner voice. The exercise can also help clients learn distress tolerance in the face of self-­criticism, as well as the ability to shift perspectives between the critical, vulnerable, and compassionate selves. Let’s consider a clinical example in which a number of the self-­critical dynamics mentioned above are manifested: Therapist: Josh, you did a great job with the chair exercise last week. When you imagined your friend Nathan struggling with anger, it seemed like you were able to connect with your compassionate self in understanding and relating to him. Josh: Yeah, that seemed to go pretty good. Therapist: It sounds like the compassionate way you related to Nathan in that exercise was very different from how you talk to yourself a lot of the time. Like last session when you called yourself “a terrible father.” It sounds like your internal self-­critic can get pretty loud sometimes. Josh: Yeah. I disgust myself. I keep trying to get my shit together, and it seems like it works for a while, and then I just fuck it up again. Therapist: Sounds like your self-­critic has a lot to say. Now that you’ve had some experience of how the wise, kind, compassionate version of you would relate to Nathan, I was wondering if we could do another chair exercise, in which we explore the different perspectives of self-­criticism and compassion in working with these feelings. Up for giving it a go? Josh: Sure. I don’t really know what you want me to do, though. Therapist: Well, let’s see if we can make that clear. I’m going to arrange these three chairs here. (Sets out three chairs in a triangle-­shaped pattern, with each chair pointed inward, toward the others.) This chair (pointing) will be for your self-­critic. Anytime you have anything critical to say about yourself, you can let it roll…as long as you’re sitting in this chair. This chair (pointing to the second chair) is for your vulnerable self—­the part of you that the critic is criticizing and attacking. This is the part of you that feels the effects of the criticism. Over here (pointing to the third chair) is for your compassionate self. This is the wise, kind, courageous part of you that wants to help both of these other parts of the self—­to help the criticized self feel safe and manage his emotions, and help calm the self-­critic so that he doesn’t have to be so attacking. That make sense so far? Josh: (looking a bit skeptical) I think so… Therapist: Great. How about you sit in this chair (pointing to vulnerable-­self chair), and tell me about a recent time when you struggled with anger? Josh: Okay. (Moves to the chair.) Two nights ago I let the dog out in our backyard. My daughter Chloe and her friends had been playing outside, and had left the gate open. So the dog takes off through the open gate and starts running around the neighborhood. I was so pissed. I had to chase him down, and I was yelling at him as I carried him back in the house. When I got back in, I just dropped him and snapped at Chloe for not closing the gate. She and her mother just looked at me like I was a monster, and they both avoided me the rest of the night. Therapist: What was that like for you? Josh: I was just so angry when it happened—­at the dog, at Chloe. I looked like an idiot chasing the dog around the neighborhood. Why can’t she just close the damn gate, you know? But then I made it worse by yelling and snapping at her. I always make it worse. Therapist: It sounds like your self-­critic has something to say about this. Want to shift into this chair over here? (Points to the critic chair.) Josh: (Switches chairs.) Okay. Therapist: So in this chair, you can let the criticism roll. Looking back at this chair (gesturing toward the chair Josh just vacated), see that version of yourself…the one that got angry, chased after the dog, yelled, dropped the dog, and snapped at Chloe. The one you said always makes it worse. What does your self-­critic have to say to him? Imagine that you’re speaking directly to him, just like last week. Josh: You’re screwing everything up. (Looks at the therapist.) Like that? Therapist: (Nods, gesturing back toward the criticized-­self chair.) Just like that. Josh: (Looks back to the chair.) You’re an idiot. You’re a terrible father and husband. What the fuck is wrong with you, making a huge deal out of everything? If they had any sense, they’d leave you! Why do you always have to fuck everything up? You disgust me! (Shakes his head and looks down.) Therapist: (Waits in silence for thirty seconds or so.) Anything else? Josh: I think that about covers it. Therapist: So let’s shift back to this chair… (Gestures toward the vulnerable-­self chair.) Josh: (Switches chairs.) Therapist: Let yourself receive all those things the self-­critic had to say. (Gestures toward the self-­critic chair.) He called you a terrible father and husband, accused you of always fucking everything up… What’s it feel like to hear those things? Josh: (Shrinks into the chair and looks down.) It feels terrible. It feels like it’s true. I want to do better, but it seems like I just keep screwing things up. Therapist: Look at him. (Gestures toward the self-­critic chair.) How do you feel about him? Josh: I’m scared of him. He sounds just like my dad. I just want him to leave me alone. Therapist: So your father used to criticize you like that. Josh: All the time. I could never do anything right. Therapist: That sounds like compassionate wisdom to me—­figuring out where part of that self-­critical voice and maybe some of the anger you struggle with comes from. How about we give the compassionate chair a try? (Gestures toward the compassionate-­self chair.) Josh: All right. (Switches to the compassionate-­self chair.) Therapist: So let’s take a few moments to slow down our breathing, and connect with those qualities of the compassionate self. (Waits ten seconds.) Imagine being filled with the kind desire to help both of these guys (gesturing toward the two empty chairs) …the wisdom to look deeply and see things from different perspectives…and the courage to work with the really difficult stuff. Josh: (Sits quietly.) Therapist: From this wise, compassionate perspective, how can we understand these two guys? Let’s start with this one. (Gestures toward the vulnerable-­self chair.) He’s sitting there, feeling ashamed about what he’s done, hearing all this criticism. How does he feel? Josh: He feels terrible. Hopeless. He just wants to be left alone. Therapist: He feels like he’s always screwing up? Josh: Well, he is always screwing up. Therapist: That sounds like your self-­critic showing back up. Should we switch chairs? (Gestures toward the critic chair.) Josh: No, I’m good. Therapist: So looking at this guy (pointing back to the vulnerable self) from this kind, compassionate perspective, what do you understand about him? Is he trying to screw everything up? Is that what he wants? Josh: No. He’s not trying to screw it up. He feels terrible about it. He’s not doing it on purpose. Therapist: So his motivation is actually to do better, but it’s hard for him? Josh: Yeah. He wants to do better, but he doesn’t know how. Therapist: (Gestures toward the self-­critic chair.) What about him? What’s his story? Josh: He just wants that guy (gesturing toward the vulnerable-­self chair) to quit being such a fuck-­up. He’s just sick of it. Therapist: He’s pretty harsh… You said he sounds like your father used to sound? Josh: Yeah. That’s just the kind of thing my father used to say to me. Therapist: So we can understand how the self-­critic learned to be this way? Josh: Oh yeah… Therapist: So when your self-­critic attacks him (gesturing toward the criticized-­self chair), does it help? Does it help him do better? Josh: (Pauses for a moment.) No. It just makes him feel bad. Therapist: That sounds like compassionate understanding to me. It sounds like you understand how the self-­critic learned to be so harsh—­from your father—­but you know that the harshness isn’t helpful. What would you like to say to him, from this compassionate, understanding perspective? (Gestures toward the self-­critic.) Josh: (Turns toward the self-­critic chair.) Look, I get it. You’re tired of it. We’re all tired of it. But the attacking and running him down doesn’t help. It just makes you mad and makes it harder on him. (Gestures toward the criticized self.) You don’t want to be like Dad. (Hangs his head.) Therapist: Josh, you’re doing really well. That feels really vulnerable. How about switching back to that chair? (Points to the vulnerable-­self chair.) Josh: (Switches chairs.) Therapist: It sounds like part of you is really scared of ending up like your father. Josh: Yeah… I mean, he was a great man. But growing up, I was scared of him a lot of the time. He got so angry at every little thing. I’d just avoid him whenever I could. I don’t want my kids to feel that way about me. I don’t want them to learn that stuff from me the way I learned it from him. Therapist: How do you want them to feel about you, Josh? Josh: (tearful) I want them to love me, you know. And to know that I love them. But I keep fucking it up. I need to do better. Therapist: That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Because you want to do better? You’ve been working hard at that, haven’t you? Josh: Yeah. I just wish it worked faster. Therapist: Josh, would you be willing to switch back to this chair? (Gestures toward the compassionate-­self chair.) Josh: Sure. (Moves.) Therapist: From this compassionate perspective, look at Josh here. (Gestures toward the vulnerable-­self chair.) He’s here in therapy, trying to learn to do better, to be a good model for the kids. It’s not easy for him, is it? Josh: No, it’s really hard. Therapist: How do you feel about him? Josh: I feel bad for him, you know? Therapist: Do you want to help him? Josh: I do. I mean, I would if I could. Therapist: Well, you’ve seen how hard he’s been working. Has he made any progress? Josh: I guess he has. A couple of times this week, I—­I mean, he—­started to get mad and then calmed down. I don’t know if anyone even noticed, but I did. It was one of those times when I would have gotten worked up, and I just breathed for a while instead. I’ve also been spending more fun time with the kids like we talked about. Therapist: So you’ve seen his efforts pay off a bit. But he’s sitting there, feeling hopeless and terrible about himself—­terrified that he’ll make his kids feel just like he felt about his father. What do you want to say to him? What do you want him to understand? (Gestures toward the vulnerable-­self chair.) Josh: (Looks at the chair.) You’re not Dad, at least not the bad parts. He never even saw it as a problem, and he sure as hell didn’t seem to care what we thought about it. You care, and you’re trying to do better. Therapist: How might you encourage him to keep going? Josh: You’re working hard, and it’s helping. Sure, you still screw up sometimes, but you can’t expect to be perfect. Therapist: That’s great…keep going…let him know you see what he’s doing right. Josh: You did a good job calming down and making time to play soccer with the kids. They had a lot of fun. (Turns to the therapist.) It really was fun. Therapist: Sounds like it. Would your compassionate self recommend more of those sorts of activities with the kids? Josh: Sure would. Therapist: How about we finish up back in this chair? (Gestures toward the vulnerable-­self chair.) Josh: (Switches chairs.) Therapist: Let’s take a moment to let those things that Compassionate Josh had to say sink in—­noticing how hard you’re working to do better, the successes you’ve had, encouraging you to keep going. How does that feel? Josh: It feels good. A little weird. Therapist: A little weird… Josh: Yeah, I’ve just never talked to myself like that before. Therapist: But it feels good? Josh: Yeah…not so hopeless. Encouraging, I guess. Therapist: So which of those voices seems more helpful in terms of helping you manage the anger and improve relationships with your family? (Gestures toward the empty chairs.) Josh: That one. (Points to the compassionate-­self chair.) Therapist: It sounds like once you let yourself really listen to Compassionate Josh, your self-­critic didn’t have as much to say. Josh: No, he didn’t, did he? In the vignette above, we see a number of things happening. The therapist elicits a dialogue between the self-­critic and the vulnerable self, to get a sense of the dynamics of Josh’s self-­criticism. The critic appears to be at least partially an internalized voice of Josh’s father, who modeled a lot of anger. The critic also has a flavor of disgust, as well as perhaps the misguided intention to get Josh to do better by attacking him. Note that when the therapist has Josh switch chairs, it’s often quickly followed by a prompt to connect him with the affective dynamics of the interaction: “How do you feel about him?” “How does it feel to hear that?” Compassionate understanding is brought to both the perspective of the vulnerable self—­who is trying but still struggles—­and the perspec- tive of the critic, who is playing out an angry, critical script learned from childhood experiences. Finally, the compassionate self is prompted to extend understanding, kindness, and encourage- ment to the vulnerable self (with help and encouragement from the therapist), and then a contrast is drawn between the impact of this compassionate interaction and the previous, critical ones. You’ll note that we aren’t trying to argue with or conquer the self-­critic. Rather, the focus is on the facilitation of compassionate understanding. Space permits only a small sample of what this exer- cise can involve—­consider how you might have continued to facilitate things to help Josh learn more about his internal dialogue, shift among these perspectives, and relate compassionately to different aspects of the self.

SUMMARY In this chapter, we explored the use of chair work to bring a strong experiential focus to the com- passionate self, and to explore and apply compassion to the dynamics of self-­criticism. The more we can translate compassion into felt experiences, thoughts, and behaviors in the present moment, the better. In the next chapter, we’ll explore the role of case formulation in organizing our understand- ing of our clients and their challenges.