第十四章 情绪探索：多自我实践方法

第14章 探索情感：多重自我练习 同情聚焦治疗（CFT）的一个主要目标是帮助来访对其情感体验产生同情。我们已经讨论过不同的情感和动机如何以多种方式组织来访的体验，并提出了同情自我工作作为培养一个适应性强、温暖且自信的自我版本的框架。在本章中，我们将介绍一个椅子练习，该练习将所有这些内容结合在一起：多重自我练习（Kolts, 2012）。

多重自我版本

在由Paul Gilbert开发的多重自我练习中，来访被引导探索各种情感和动机是如何塑造他们的体验的。我们会提示来访识别一个他们正在挣扎的情境，并帮助他们从不同情绪状态下的感受、想法和动机出发来探索他们对该情境的反应，引导来访进入并退出这些不同的情绪“自我”。多重自我练习通常关注愤怒（“愤怒自我”）、焦虑（“焦虑自我”）和悲伤（“悲伤自我”），但根据来访的具体问题，可以替换为其他“自我”。在探索了这些不同自我的观点后，来访会被引导转变为同情自我的视角，并从这个同情的视角来考虑情境和其他情绪自我的观点。这个练习非常适合用椅子来进行，每个情绪自我使用不同的椅子，但来访也可以将其作为家庭作业以书面形式完成，或者在小组环境中使用一张分成四部分的纸——每部分代表一个自我。 尽管多重自我练习看起来相对简单，但它包含了丰富的内容。我的朋友和同事Tobyn Bell正在进行有关多重自我练习的研究，他强调了一些我们可以记住的潜在目标——这里只是其中的一部分（私人通信，2015）：

• 增加对可能被回避的威胁情绪的认识和暴露
• 探索不同情绪视角如何影响心智和身体
• 提供一个窗口，了解自我批评中的情绪动态（例如，“你的愤怒自我如何看待你的焦虑自我？”）
• 学习如何在不同情绪体验和视角之间切换，并建立对此的信心
• 对这些不同的情绪自我发展并表达同情
• 实践行动中的同情：将同情自我置于主导地位
• 对于那些被回避的自我方面发展容忍和同情，从而将其整合进积极的自我认同中

探索自我

在探索不同情绪自我的视角时，治疗师首先会提示来访“邀请”这一方面的自我进来，允许自己深入探索她可能常常避免的情绪。这可能具有挑战性，因为来访可能已经学会了某些情绪不应该被承认，更不用说去体验了。有些来访可能需要多次参与这项练习才能与被回避的自我方面建立联系。以下是一些促进练习的技巧：

• 提供保证，你将在整个练习过程中引导来访进出。
• 首先提示来访连接情绪在身体中的感觉，并指导她想象这些感觉在她体内逐渐增强。
• 然后提示她考虑与情绪相关的精神体验：想法、意象和动机。如果这种情绪可以说话，它会说什么？它想做什么？如果（愤怒/焦虑/悲伤）自我拥有完全控制权和无限力量，它会做什么？这个情绪自我想要什么？
• 可能从一种更容易连接的情绪开始，然后继续到不太熟悉的情绪。
• 在从一个自我转移到另一个自我时，让来访做一些舒缓节奏呼吸。我有时也喜欢提供一个心理上的“调色板清洁剂”，抛出几个随机的——通常是愚蠢的——事物让来访可视化或思考，以帮助从情绪中转移出来，并稍微减轻体验。
• 让来访知道，如果他们发现某种情绪很“黏”，难以从中转移出来，这是可以接受的。向他们保证这是正常的，并鼓励他们尊重这一方面，继续前进。

船长

多重自我练习的一个目的是帮助来访以同情的态度对待各种基于威胁的情绪自我。这种方法旨在将他们对自己情绪的看法从“我有问题”转变为对感知到的威胁的正常反应。我们的进化过程中形成的威胁情绪本身并不是坏事；它们只是不总是最适合应对现代生活中的压力。 我发现，如果通过使用一个比喻来引入练习，来访通常会更容易以同情的态度对待这些基于威胁的情绪自我。我称这个比喻为“船长”（Kolts & Chodron, 2013）。在这个比喻中，我们让来访想象一艘航行在大海上的船，船上载有各种乘客，代表不同的情绪自我。当船只最终遇到风暴（正如我们在生活中也会遇到情绪“风暴”）时，这些情绪乘客们会有不同的反应：愤怒自我会发怒并批评；焦虑自我会担忧并退缩；悲伤自我会变得沮丧并哀伤。然后我们将同情自我设定为船长的角色。这位船长善良、智慧且充满信心，他理解风暴是航海的一部分，并且拥有引导船只安全渡过风暴的智慧和经验。船长也明白，这样的风暴对乘客来说可能是非常可怕的，因此他不仅不会责备他们，反而会安慰他们，使他们感到安心，并主动提供帮助。

这个比喻为来访以同情的态度对待由各种威胁情绪引发的合理反应提供了基础，同时也强调了我们不应让这些情绪自我掌控局面。相反，我们应该将同情自我视为自我的核心部分，并以此视角来处理情境及其引起的情绪。 下面是一个例子，展示这种练习在一次会谈中可能会如何进行：

治疗师：Josh，我们已经花了一些时间讨论你的愤怒，但在进行案例构建时，听起来可能还有一些其他的情绪值得探讨。我想知道你是否愿意尝试另一个椅子练习来探索这些不同的情绪。

Josh：我不太明白这有什么意义。愤怒才是真正的问题。

治疗师：有趣的是，愤怒有时可以作为一种次级情绪——这意味着它可能是对其他感受的反应。如果我们深入观察我们的愤怒，我们常常会发现背后有其他更脆弱的感受——比如恐惧、悲伤或焦虑。有时我们甚至可以用愤怒来试图避免那些感受。 这说得通吗？

Josh：非常有道理。我就是这样做的。

治疗师：你能告诉我更多关于这一点吗？

Josh：我感到愤怒，这样我就不用去感受那些东西了。我不去那里。

治疗师：啊……我经常听到这样的话。我们很多人倾向于以这种方式使用愤怒。你觉得如果有我在旁边帮助，你愿意去面对那些感受吗？

Josh：（勉强地）我想是吧。

治疗师：还记得我们谈到同情就是要有勇气面对让我们害怕的事情吗？这正是我们所谈论的。在这个练习中，我们将考虑一个最近触发你愤怒的情境，并探索不同情绪与该情境的关系。我们会访问你的愤怒自我、焦虑自我和悲伤自我的视角，最后以你熟悉的同情自我结束。

Josh：嗯哼。

治疗师：在我布置椅子的时候，你能回想一下最近一次你因愤怒而挣扎的情况吗？（起身并安排四把椅子，每把椅子相距几英尺，形成一个正方形，面向内侧。）

Josh：那很容易。昨晚我和妻子吵了一架。

治疗师：（坐回原位）你能多说一点那次的情况吗？

Josh：当然。我下班回家，一进门她就开始责备我。几周前，我们的割草机坏了。我告诉她我会尽快修好——尽管我不知道出了什么问题。好吧，我计划周末试着修好它，但我们忙于其他事情。昨晚，我一进门，她就指出割草机还没修好——（用一种唠叨的声音）“割草机修好了吗？”她明明知道没修好！我立刻对她发火了，告诉她如果她想修好那该死的东西，也许她应该自己修。之后，她就不理我了。她和孩子们整晚都躲着我，我整个晚上都在生闷气。感觉我总是那个问题……我是说，我才刚下班回家。但我对此感到很糟糕。我以为我在这件事上做得更好了……

治疗师：这听起来是一个非常适合这个练习的经历，Josh。听起来你对这种情况有很多感受。准备好开始了吗？

Josh：我想是吧。

治疗师：很好。首先，你能不能移到这把椅子上？（指向椅子。）

Josh：（移动到椅子上坐下。）

治疗师：这是你的愤怒自我将要坐的地方。记得我们讨论过不同的情绪可以以不同的方式组织我们的思维和身体吗？我们的注意力、想法、感受——诸如此类。我们将探索这一点。我希望你邀请你的愤怒自我进入房间。想到这个情况；允许你感受到的任何愤怒浮现出来。如果你感到愤怒在体内上升，你会在身体的哪个部位感受到？

Josh：我感到紧张——在我的下巴、额头、胃部。我全身都紧绷起来。

治疗师：想象这种紧张感充满你的身体，不断增强……你的愤怒自我完全控制。想象自己被愤怒完全占据。我们希望给这个愤怒的你一个声音——听听它要说些什么。想象自己充满了愤怒，你感觉如何？

Josh：怒不可遏！对她怒不可遏，也对自己怒不可遏。

治疗师：你做得很好。从你愤怒自我的角度来看，你在想什么？这个愤怒的你有什么要说的？

Josh：她根本不感激我所做的任何事。我才刚下班回家！我只想放松一下，她就开始唠叨割草机的事。为什么她不自己修那该死的割草机？为什么总是我要做所有的事情？她总是说，“我们需要做这个……”或“我们需要做那个……”我知道那意味着——我需要去做！我受够了，你知道吗？

治疗师：听起来你的愤怒自我有很多话要说。如果在这种情况中，你的愤怒自我完全控制，他会想做什么？你会做什么？

Josh：我确切知道我会做什么。我会告诉她可以把她的割草机塞哪里。我会告诉她我受够了被当作理所当然，然后我会收拾我的东西，开车离开，再也不回来。（开始呼吸加快，摇头。）

治疗师：Josh，你提到对Karen感到愤怒，但同时也对自己感到愤怒。你能从愤怒自我的角度谈谈这个吗？你的愤怒自我对你有什么感觉？

Josh：我的愤怒自我恨我。为什么我总是搞砸？到底有什么问题？然后，在那之后……我想向她道歉，试着和她谈谈，但我做不到。到底有什么问题？

治疗师：所以听起来你对自己处理事情的方式感到愤怒，无论是当时还是事后，但也可能有其他感受——比如一些让你无法道歉的恐惧或焦虑，或者对自己的失望。

Josh： （点头，低头看着地面。）

治疗师：这似乎是个转换到另一把椅子的好时机。在我们这样做之前，你的愤怒自我还有什么要说的吗？

Josh： （摇头表示“没有”。）

治疗师：那么，你能不能移到这把椅子上？（指向旁边的椅子。）

Josh： （移动到另一把椅子上坐下。）

治疗师：在我们继续之前，让我们先做一些舒缓节奏的呼吸——放慢呼吸……放松身体……平静心灵。（等待三十秒到一分钟。）

Josh： （放慢了他的呼吸。）

治疗师：现在请看向愤怒的椅子，让我们感谢你的愤怒自我与我们分享了他的视角。他帮助我们更好地理解了你愤怒的情绪。

Josh： （面无表情地看着愤怒的椅子。）

治疗师：接下来，让我们做一些心理上的“清零”活动。我会说几件事情，你试着去想想它们，好吗？

Josh： 好的。

治疗师：土豆泥！（等待五秒。）跳舞的大熊猫！（等待五秒。）你最喜欢的运动队！（等待五秒。）顺便问一下，你最喜欢的运动队是哪个？

Josh： 我喜欢奥克兰突袭者队。

治疗师：哦，这解释了你的愤怒。（微笑。）开个玩笑——我是闪电队的粉丝。

Josh： （微笑。）我懂了。可惜他们从未赢得过超级碗。

治疗师：哎呀，反击得不错！这样做是为了让我们的注意力暂时转移，从愤怒的情绪中走出来。有时候一点幽默可以帮助我们。准备好继续了吗？

Josh： 为什么不呢？

治疗师：很好。我们现在坐的这把椅子是“焦虑椅子”。在这把椅子上，我们将邀请你的焦虑、恐惧的自我来分享他的感受。提起昨晚与Karen的情况，有没有出现任何焦虑或恐惧？对发生的事情有任何担忧吗？

Josh： 是的。是的，有。

治疗师：就像我们之前做的那样，让我们给你的焦虑自我一个机会。想象焦虑在你体内逐渐增加。你会在身体的哪些部位感受到它？

Josh： 感到不安和紧张，好像无法放松。胃里有一种不舒服的感觉……有点恶心。

治疗师：想象这种焦虑不断累积，你的焦虑自我在这种情况下感觉如何？

Josh： 感到害怕和担心。

治疗师：害怕？

Josh： 害怕自己永远不够好。害怕即使我继续参加这些疗程，但什么都不会改变。担心他们会最终厌倦这一切，并离开我。害怕我会把他们推开，然后我会孤独一人。天哪，我甚至担心我修不好割草机，而Karen会认为我什么都做不好。

治疗师：听起来在愤怒的背后隐藏着很多焦虑。如果这个焦虑版本的你完全控制了局面，他会做什么？从你焦虑自我的角度来看，你会做什么？

Josh： 基本上就是我昨晚做的——什么都不做。只是坐在那里一遍又一遍地想着，害怕采取行动。（停顿，变得泪眼汪汪，低头看着地面，然后抬头看治疗师。）我想道歉，你知道。我想告诉她我对她大喊大叫很抱歉，我本来打算修割草机但不确定怎么做。但我害怕她不会在意——她会说我如果真的感到抱歉，就不会那样对她说话。也许她是正确的。我害怕她不再爱我了，孩子们只把我看作是一个疯狂的人。

治疗师：听起来你的焦虑自我真的很害怕事情无法好转，也许觉得无法控制自己的愤怒并修复与家人的关系。

Josh： （低头。）是的。

治疗师：听起来这种情况还引发了你的一些真实的悲伤情绪。与其抗拒它，不如我们邀请你的悲伤自我进入房间？你介意移到这把椅子上吗？（指向右边的下一把椅子。）

Josh： （安静地移动到下一把椅子。）

治疗师：这是“悲伤自我”的椅子。在我看来，你身上有一些关于这种情况的悲伤正在浮现。是这样吗？

Josh： （点头。）

治疗师：那么，让我们跟随这种悲伤……邀请你的悲伤自我分享他的感受。这种悲伤在你身体里是什么感觉？

Josh： 沉重，像一种下沉的感觉，就在这里。（手势指向他的胃部。）

治疗师：想象这种悲伤、沉重、下沉的感觉在你体内不断积累。会有哪些感受浮现出来？

Josh： 这是最糟糕的。我不愿意面对。

治疗师：我在帮你，Josh。你可以做到的。那个悲伤的你是怎么感觉的？

Josh： （哭泣）我只是感到绝望。看看我，坐在这里像个孩子一样哭。我感到无助，好像什么也做不了。

治疗师：这里面有很多悲伤，不是吗？悲伤，以及绝望的感觉。你的悲伤自我对这一切是怎么想的？有哪些想法浮现出来？

Josh： （哭泣）我觉得我在失去我的家庭，而且是我的错。他们不再爱我，没有我会更好。我的女儿和儿子以我为耻。

治疗师：（静静地点头）嗯哼。

Josh： 我觉得自己是个糟糕的父亲。我教给他们所有错误的东西。他们以我为耻，不愿和我在一起。

治疗师：如果这个悲伤的自我完全控制了局面，他会想要做什么？他会做什么？

Josh： 放弃。躺下等死。也许那样他们就可以忘记我，继续他们的生活。

治疗师：（停顿了一下。）

Josh： （停顿了一会儿，擦了擦眼睛，叹了口气。）

治疗师：你做到了，Josh。你让自己体验到了那份情感。

Josh： 不管怎样……

治疗师：我觉得这非常宝贵。这需要很大的勇气。这就是我们一直在谈的——同情的勇气。（停顿了一下。）你可以移到最后一张椅子上吗？（做了个手势。）

Josh： 当然可以。

治疗师：这张椅子代表着你的善良、智慧、勇敢、富有同情心的自我。等下我们会放慢呼吸，邀请这个富有同情心的自我加入我们的对话。但在那之前，让我们先来看看这些其他的情绪自我（做手势）——愤怒的自我、焦虑的自我、悲伤的自我——感谢他们分享了自己的感受。他们在帮助我们理解你的愤怒、焦虑和悲伤方面做得很好。（停顿了一下。）

Josh： （放慢了呼吸；环顾四周的椅子。）

治疗师：现在这个自我应该会比较熟悉，因为在之前的练习和家庭作业中我们已经有所接触。让我们花点时间来做一些舒缓节奏的呼吸——放慢一切，为同情心的涌现铺平道路。（停顿了一分钟。）

Josh： （闭上了眼睛；放慢了呼吸。）

治疗师：现在让你自己感受到那些正在你体内升起的同情品质……那种与痛苦共处、帮助自己和他人的善意动机……（停顿。）深刻洞察并从不同角度理解事物的智慧……（停顿。）无论面对什么情况都能保持冷静和自信……（停顿。）当你准备好时，睁开眼睛，带着这些同情品质。

Josh： （睁开了眼睛。）

治疗师：现在，我们要听听富有同情心的自我，但我希望先设定一下情境。我们每个人都有这些不同的情感面向——愤怒的、焦虑的、悲伤的——但我们能够选择让哪一个自我来主导。想象我们在一艘航行于大海上的船上。想象一场大风暴来临——就像生活中难免会遇到的困境一样——有雷电、暴雨，还有海水涌上甲板。这些情绪自我（指向椅子）就像是船上的乘客。非常吓人，他们惊慌失措——只能做出他们唯一知道的反应。你的愤怒自我在咆哮和指责。你的焦虑自我在颤抖和忧虑。你的悲伤自我则缩在角落里，感到绝望。他们在尽力而为，但他们没有能力带领我们安全渡过难关。而你在这里——那个富有同情心的自我。想象那个富有同情心的自我——这个善良、智慧、自信的你——是船长。你已经在船上待了很久，你知道有时候风暴是无法避免的。更重要的是，你知道该如何应对。你知道如何安全地穿过风暴，以及在需要时依靠你的船员。这位富有同情心的船长也非常善良。你能理解这对乘客来说是多么恐惧（做手势），他们正在尽最大努力。

Josh： （点了点头。）

治疗师：看着其他乘客——在这场暴风雨中的其他版本的你——他们惊慌失措是有道理的吧？

Josh： 的确如此。

治疗师：你对他们有什么感觉？

Josh： 我为他们感到难过。他们害怕，不知道该怎么办——他们知道的方法并不能解决问题。

治疗师：那么作为这个善良、智慧、勇敢的船长，你会怎么做？你怎么安抚他们？你会说些什么？

Josh： 我会告诉他们一切都会好起来的。我会告诉他们不用担心——我会处理好这一切。

治疗师：你觉得他们会怎么感受，听到这样的话？

Josh： 可能会稍微安心一些。

治疗师：现在让我们来谈谈你目前的情况。你和Karen发生了争执。你的愤怒自我对她和你自己都很生气——想要逃避。你的焦虑自我想道歉，但害怕这样做，也害怕如果道歉会被拒绝。你的悲伤自我准备放弃，觉得自己是个糟糕的丈夫和父亲，认为一切都无济于事。你对他们有什么要说的？你怎么安抚他们？

Josh： 我会告诉他们这不是世界末日。在我内心深处，我知道我想和Karen、Chloe和Aiden在一起，他们也想和我在一起——他们告诉过我。虽然我们偶尔还会争吵，但这比以前少了。甚至昨晚，我也选择了不再纠缠。Karen知道我在努力，她对此表示感激。上周她还告诉我，她为我参加这些疗程并坚持下去感到骄傲。

治疗师：所以你会安慰他们说一切还没有失去，事情正在变好？

Josh： （点点头。）它们确实在变好。我们度过了一个非常美好的周末——去了湖边，游泳和钓鱼。那是我们很久以来最愉快的一次，我没有生气一次。

治疗师：你通常会在湖边生气吗？

Josh： 嗯，Aiden还是个小孩子，所以他总是把自己的鱼线缠在一起，或者丢失鱼饵。过去我会变得烦躁，教训他要更加小心，这总是让气氛变得紧张。这次，我一点也不介意。我提醒自己，即使我自己也会打结，他只是个孩子。他不是故意的。

治疗师：太好了，Josh。这就是同情的样子——尝试从对方的角度理解情况，并提供帮助。

Josh： 嗯，这比生气好多了。

治疗师：如果你能回到昨晚的情况，并以富有同情心的自我视角去处理，你会做些什么不同的事情吗？

Josh： 我会的。首先，我会尽量不一开始就激动，试着提醒自己她并不是故意批评我——她可能只是注意到草越来越长，想知道什么时候能割草。

治疗师：如果你们已经发生了冲突，你的富有同情心的自我会在事后处理得不同吗？

Josh： 是的。我会道歉，告诉她我会尽快解决，并请求她对我耐心些。我认为只要她看到我真的在努力，她是能做到的。

上面的段落描绘了“多重自我”疗法的一个例子。在这项练习中，治疗师先是引导患者关注身体上的感受，然后鼓励他们探索伴随这些感受而来的思想、情感和动机。通过呼吸练习来帮助放松，并借助聊足球等轻松话题缓和氛围，从而实现不同情感状态之间的平稳过渡。尽管有一次使用了类似于心理“调适”的技术，但治疗师主要还是依靠谈话内容的自然变化，巧妙地促进了情感自我之间的转换。

有时候，患者可能会对探索某些特定的情绪自我感到不安或抵触，特别是那些让人感到威胁或陌生的情绪。例如，当Josh不愿意去体会他的悲伤自我时，治疗师给予了鼓励和支持，让他知道有人陪伴。之后，治疗师又对Josh勇于面对脆弱的一面给予了肯定，并将这与整体治疗目标结合起来（称作“同情的勇气”）。同时，治疗师还开始探讨自我批评背后的动力，通过询问不同自我之间的关系来进行（例如：“你的愤怒自我是如何看待你的？”），这有助于更深层次的理解个人的心理动态。

为了让患者更容易接触到自己的同情自我，治疗师采用了“船长”这样一个形象化的比喻，并提出了很多开放性的问题（如：“你能理解他们的恐惧吗？你会怎么安慰他们？”）。根据患者以往的治疗经历，治疗师在引导同情自我时采取了适当的方法，目的是启发而不是直接告知答案。如果进展顺利，那么到了讨论实际问题的时候，患者就能以一种同情的心态来看待自己的处境，就像Josh一样，既能对自己当前的情况表示理解，也能思考未来如何更正面地应对类似情形。此外，治疗师还可以尝试让患者的同情自我直接与其他自我对话，以此作为增强治疗效果的一种方式。

练习后的回顾

对于本练习（以及其他类似练习），结束后的回顾十分重要。我们要了解来访者在这次体验中的真实感受，以及他们从中得到了什么启示。如果来访者在尝试接触某个特定的情感自我时感到困难，或者遇到其他问题，我们应该给予认可和支持——要知道这样做其实非常不容易！此时，治疗师应当展现出自己同情的一面，对来访者所面临的挑战表示理解和同情，并思考如何最有效地帮助他们解读这次经历。这里有一些有助于回顾的问题：

• 你在这次体验中有什么样的感受？
• 你是否能够与那些情感自我产生连接？哪些比较容易，哪些又比较困难？
• 你觉得自己能否顺利地从一个自我转换到另一个自我？过程中遇到了什么挑战？
• 从同情自我的角度来看待这些情绪，感觉如何？
• 你是否能够理解每种反应背后的原因？
• 我们从这次活动中可以学到什么，以便将其应用于未来的治疗中？

关于同情自我这部分内容，我们要着重强调的是强化来访者的努力——既要认可他们所面对的挑战，也要肯定他们的进步。关键是帮助来访者学会如何同时对自己内心的感受和当前的情境展现出同情。

总结

我之所以将“多重自我”练习放在书的最后部分，是因为它可以很好地整合贯穿整个CFT（同情聚焦疗法）课程的核心理念。这种方法鼓励人们不要逃避那些让人感到不适的情绪或情境，而是以温暖而非评判的态度勇敢面对这些令人生畏的经历，从而真正理解它们。通过这种做法，参与者不仅能学会感知各种情绪而不被其束缚，还能认识到这些情绪产生的合理性。此外，还可以深入探讨情绪间的相互影响，比如人们可能会因为想避开悲伤而变得愤怒，或者在面对自己的愤怒、悲伤或恐惧时感到焦虑。通过这一过程，人们开始学会接受这些情绪作为自身的重要组成部分，尽管它们可能不适合“掌舵”。总的来说，这项练习有助于提升个体同情自我的能力，使其成为有效处理复杂情绪及相应情境的强大工具。

本章知识点阐述

知识点阐述

CFT中的多重自我练习

同情聚焦治疗（Compassion-Focused Therapy, CFT）是一种心理治疗方法，旨在通过培养同情心来帮助个体应对负面情绪和心理问题。多重自我练习是CFT中的一种重要技术，它通过引导来访探索不同情绪状态下的自我，帮助他们理解和接纳自己的多面性。以下是多重自我练习的一些关键知识点：

1. 多重自我的概念

• 不同情绪自我：多重自我练习帮助来访识别和探索不同的情绪自我，如愤怒自我、焦虑自我、悲伤自我等。
• 同情自我：最终目标是引导来访进入同情自我的视角，从这个角度理解并接纳其他情绪自我。

2. 练习的目标

• 增加意识：提高来访对被回避的威胁情绪的认识和暴露。
• 探索情绪视角：了解不同情绪视角如何影响心智和身体。
• 自我批评的洞察：提供一个窗口，了解自我批评中的情绪动态。
• 情绪转换：学习在不同情绪体验和视角之间切换，并建立信心。
• 同情表达：对不同的情绪自我发展并表达同情。
• 行动中的同情：将同情自我置于主导地位，实践同情行为。
• 整合自我：对被回避的自我方面发展容忍和同情，促进积极的自我认同。

3. 实施技巧

• 逐步引导：治疗师通过逐步引导来访进入和退出不同的情绪自我。
• 身体感知：提示来访注意情绪在身体中的感觉，并想象这些感觉逐渐增强。
• 精神体验：引导来访考虑与情绪相关的想法、意象和动机。
• 情绪转换：在不同情绪自我之间转换时，使用舒缓节奏呼吸等技巧帮助来访放松。
• 心理调适：提供一些轻松的心理活动，帮助来访从情绪中转移出来。

通过这些步骤，多重自我练习不仅帮助来访更好地理解自己的情绪体验，还促进了他们对自己多面性的接纳和同情，从而促进心理健康和个人成长。这种方法强调了同情心在治疗过程中的重要性，帮助来访以更积极的态度面对挑战，提高生活质量。

知识点阐述

船长比喻在CFT中的应用

同情聚焦治疗（Compassion-Focused Therapy, CFT）中的“船长”比喻是一种强有力的工具，用于帮助来访以更健康的方式理解和管理他们的情绪。以下是该比喻的一些关键知识点：

1. 比喻的意义

• 船与乘客：船代表个体的整体自我，乘客代表不同的情绪自我，如愤怒自我、焦虑自我、悲伤自我等。
• 船长：船长代表同情自我，即那个能够以善良、智慧和自信的态度引导整个系统的自我。

2. 情感的理解与接纳

• 正常反应：通过比喻，来访可以理解他们的各种情绪反应是对外界威胁的正常反应，而不是个人缺陷。
• 同情而非指责：船长（同情自我）不会因为乘客（情绪自我）的反应而指责他们，而是会安慰和支持他们。

3. 情绪管理

• 保持控制：船长负责引导船只安全度过风暴，这意味着同情自我需要成为情绪管理的核心。
• 安抚与支持：船长会安抚乘客，提供安全感，帮助他们度过难关，这体现了同情自我在情绪管理中的作用。

4. 实践技巧

• 情景模拟：通过具体的场景模拟，帮助来访体验和理解不同情绪自我在特定情境下的反应。
• 角色扮演：来访可以扮演船长的角色，学习如何以同情的态度处理情绪，从而增强情绪调节能力。

通过这种比喻，来访不仅能更好地理解自己的情绪，还能学会以更加健康和同情的方式管理这些情绪。这种方法强调了同情心在情绪管理和心理治疗中的重要性，有助于促进来访的心理健康和个人成长。

知识点阐述

多重自我练习中的情绪探索

多重自我练习是一种心理治疗方法，旨在通过探索不同的情绪自我来帮助来访更好地理解和管理他们的情绪。以下是该练习的一些关键知识点：

1. 次级情绪的概念

• 次级情绪：愤怒等情绪有时是作为次级情绪出现的，是对其他更深层情绪（如恐惧、悲伤或焦虑）的反应。
• 情绪回避：来访可能会用愤怒来避免面对这些更脆弱的情绪。

2. 情绪的物理体验

• 身体感知：情绪不仅影响心理状态，还会影响身体感受。例如，愤怒可能导致身体紧张，集中在特定部位如下巴、额头或胃部。
• 情绪识别：通过身体感知，来访可以更准确地识别和命名他们的情绪。

3. 情感表达与探索

• 给予声音：让来访以愤怒自我的身份表达他们的感受和想法，可以帮助他们更好地理解自己的情绪。
• 行为意图：探索愤怒自我在特定情境下的行为意图，有助于揭示潜在的动机和需求。

4. 自我对话与反思

• 内在冲突：来访可能同时对他人和自己感到愤怒，这反映了内心的冲突和自我批评。
• 自我接纳：通过同情自我，来访可以学会接受自己的不足，并寻找建设性的解决方案。

5. 实践技巧

• 椅子练习：使用椅子代表不同的自我，帮助来访在不同情绪之间切换，从而更全面地理解自己的情绪体验。
• 逐步引导：治疗师通过逐步引导，帮助来访安全地探索和表达他们的情绪。

通过这些步骤，多重自我练习不仅帮助来访更好地理解自己的情绪，还促进了他们对自己多面性的接纳和同情，从而促进心理健康和个人成长。这种方法强调了同情心在情绪管理和心理治疗中的重要性，帮助来访以更积极的态度面对挑战，提高生活质量。

知识点阐述

情绪转换与多重自我练习中的应用

多重自我练习是一种心理治疗方法，旨在通过探索不同的情绪自我来帮助来访更好地理解和管理他们的情绪。以下是该练习的一些关键知识点：

1. 情绪转换

• 舒缓节奏的呼吸：通过引导来访进行缓慢的呼吸，帮助他们从强烈的情绪状态中平复下来，为后续的情绪探索做好准备。
• 心理“清零”：使用轻松的话题或幽默来转移来访的注意力，帮助他们在不同情绪之间顺利过渡。

2. 情绪识别与表达

• 具体化情绪：通过特定的身体部位来描述情绪体验，如紧张感集中在下巴、额头或胃部，有助于来访更清晰地识别和表达自己的情绪。
• 情绪角色扮演：让来访以不同情绪自我的身份表达感受和想法，帮助他们全面理解自己的情绪反应。

3. 情绪背后的原因

• 深层情感：通过深入探讨，发现表面情绪（如愤怒）背后的深层情感（如恐惧、悲伤），帮助来访认识到情绪的复杂性。
• 潜在动机：探索情绪自我的行为意图，揭示潜在的动机和需求，从而找到更有效的应对策略。

4. 自我对话与反思

• 内在冲突：来访可能同时经历多种情绪，如愤怒、焦虑和悲伤，这反映了内心的冲突和自我批评。
• 自我接纳：通过同情自我，来访可以学会接受自己的不足，并寻找建设性的解决方案。

5. 实践技巧

• 椅子练习：使用椅子代表不同的自我，帮助来访在不同情绪之间切换，从而更全面地理解自己的情绪体验。
• 逐步引导：治疗师通过逐步引导，帮助来访安全地探索和表达他们的情绪，促进情绪的释放和处理。

通过这些步骤，多重自我练习不仅帮助来访更好地理解自己的情绪，还促进了他们对自己多面性的接纳和同情，从而促进心理健康和个人成长。这种方法强调了同情心在情绪管理和心理治疗中的重要性，帮助来访以更积极的态度面对挑战，提高生活质量。

知识点阐述

同情心在情绪管理中的应用

1. 情绪接纳

• 允许情绪存在：通过让Josh接受他的各种情绪，包括愤怒、焦虑和悲伤，治疗师鼓励他认识到所有情绪都是人性的一部分，而不是要去抑制或否定的。
• 情绪表达：通过具体的情境描述，如“愤怒的椅子”、“焦虑的椅子”、“悲伤的椅子”，帮助Josh将抽象的情绪具象化，从而更好地理解和表达这些情绪。

2. 培养同情心

• 内在同情：通过练习，Josh学会了对自己产生同情，理解自己的情绪反应是合理的，而不是自我批评。
• 外在同情：通过角色扮演和情景模拟，Josh学习了如何对他人的处境产生同情，比如对家人和朋友的理解和支持。

3. 情绪调节技巧

• 呼吸练习：深呼吸和其他放松技巧被用来帮助Josh平静下来，减少情绪的强烈程度，为接下来的情绪探索和处理创造条件。
• 正念冥想：通过正念冥想，Josh学会在当下保持意识，专注于当下的感受，而不是被过去或未来的担忧所困扰。

4. 自我对话

• 积极自我对话：通过富有同情心的自我对话，Josh学会了用更积极、支持性的语言来对待自己，而不是用负面和批评的语言。
• 重构认知：通过重新评估和重构他对事件的认知，Josh能够看到更多积极的方面，并找到解决问题的新方法。

5. 实践应用

• 日常生活中的应用：Josh学会了如何在日常生活中应用这些技巧，比如在与家人的互动中使用同情心，以更建设性的方式处理冲突。
• 持续练习：通过定期练习，Josh能够加强这些技能，逐渐建立起一种更健康的情绪管理模式。

通过这种结构化的治疗方法，Josh不仅学会了如何更好地管理自己的情绪，还增强了自我同情和对他人的同情，这对于建立和谐的人际关系和提高生活质量至关重要。这种方法强调了情绪管理不仅仅是控制情绪，而是理解和接纳情绪，同时发展出更健康的情感反应模式。

知识点阐述

1. 多重自我理论：该理论认为个体内部存在多个不同的“自我”，每个自我都有其独特的情感、需求和观点。在心理治疗中，识别并理解这些不同的自我可以帮助个体解决内心的冲突，提高自我意识。
2. 情感调节技巧：包括呼吸练习在内的多种方法被用来帮助个体管理情绪，促进从一个情感状态到另一个情感状态的平滑过渡。
3. 建立安全环境：治疗师通过提供支持和鼓励，帮助患者克服对探索未知或负面情绪的恐惧，这是进行深度治疗的前提条件之一。
4. 自我同情：培养自我同情是治疗的重要组成部分，它涉及到学习如何用理解和宽容的态度对待自己的痛苦和弱点。
5. 角色扮演：通过模拟不同自我之间的对话，可以帮助患者更好地理解自身复杂的情绪结构，同时也是一种有效的沟通训练方式。
6. 治疗师的角色：治疗师在治疗过程中扮演着引导者和支持者的角色，既要提供必要的指导，又要避免过度干预，以促进患者自主发现解决问题的方法。

知识点阐述

1. 练习后的反馈：在心理治疗中，练习后的反馈是一个关键步骤，它帮助来访者反思经历，加深理解，并为下一步的治疗提供依据。
2. 情感连接：通过询问来访者与不同情感自我之间的连接情况，治疗师可以评估来访者对自身情感状态的认识程度，促进更深的自我探索。
3. 情感转移：讨论来访者在不同情感自我间转换的能力，可以帮助识别任何潜在的心理障碍，并找到改善的方法。
4. 同情视角：从同情的角度看待情感经历，有助于培养来访者的同理心，减少自我批评，增强内在的支持感。
5. 情绪合理性：让来访者认识到每种情绪都有其存在的理由，有助于消除对负面情绪的偏见，促进情绪的健康表达。
6. 持续学习：每次练习都提供了宝贵的经验教训，可用于未来治疗和个人成长，帮助来访者不断进步。
7. 同情自我强化：通过强化同情自我的作用，治疗师帮助来访者发展一种积极的自我关系模式，这对于处理未来的挑战至关重要。
8. CFT的核心理念：CFT（同情聚焦疗法）强调不回避痛苦，而是以温和和非评判的方式面对，以此来促进个人的成长和治愈。
9. 情绪间的关系：理解不同情绪之间的关联，可以帮助来访者更好地管理情绪，减少不必要的心理负担。
10. 情绪的接纳：学会接纳所有情绪，包括那些通常被视为消极的情绪，是心理健康的一个重要标志，也是CFT中的一个重要目标。

C H A P T E R 14 Exploring Affect: The Multiple Selves Practice A primary goal of CFT involves helping clients bring compassion to their emotional experiences. We’ve discussed how different affects and motivations can organize our clients’ experience in very different ways, and we’ve proposed Compassionate Self work as an organizing framework for devel- oping an adaptive, warm, confident version of the self. In this chapter, we’ll introduce a chair exer- cise that will tie all of this together: the Multiple Selves practice (Kolts, 2012).

MULTIPLE VERSIONS OF THE SELF In the Multiple Selves practice, developed by Paul Gilbert, clients are guided through an explora- tion of how various affects and motives shape their experience. We’ll prompt clients to identify a situation they’ve been struggling with, and help them explore their response to the situation in terms of the feelings, thoughts, and motivations associated with different emotional states, guiding clients into and back out of these different emotional “selves.” The Multiple Selves exercise com- monly focuses on anger (“angry self”), anxiety (“anxious self”) and sadness (“sad self”), but differ- ent “selves” can be substituted, depending upon a client’s presenting concerns. After exploring the perspectives of these different selves, the client is guided to shift into the perspective of the com- passionate self, and prompted to consider both the situation and the perspective of the other emo- tional selves from this compassionate perspective. This works well as a chair exercise, in which a different chair is used for each emotional self, but clients can also complete the exercise in writing as homework, or even in group settings, using a piece of paper divided into four sections—­one for each self. While the Multiple Selves exercise is fairly straightforward, there is a lot going on. My friend and colleague Tobyn Bell, who is conducting research on the Multiple Selves exercise, highlights a number of potential objectives we can keep in mind for the practice—­these are just a few (personal communication, 2015): • Increasing awareness of, and exposure to, threat emotions that may be avoided • Exploring how different emotional perspectives organize the mind and body • Providing a window into the emotional dynamics of self-­criticism (“What does your angry self think about your anxious self?”) • Learning to shift in and out of different emotional experiences and perspectives, and developing confidence around being able to do this • Developing and expressing compassion for these different emotional selves • Compassion-­in-­action: practice putting the compassionate self in the driver’s seat • Developing tolerance and compassion for avoided aspects of the self, so that they can be integrated into a positive self-­identity

Exploring the Selves In exploring the perspectives of different emotional selves, the therapist begins by prompting the client to “invite in” this aspect of the self, giving herself permission to dive deeply into emo- tions she may commonly tend to avoid. This can be challenging, as clients may have learned that certain emotions shouldn’t even be acknowledged, much less experienced. Some clients may need to engage in the exercise multiple times before they can connect with avoided aspects of the self. Here are some tips for facilitating the practice: • Provide reassurance that you’ll be there to guide the client into and out of the exercise. • Start by prompting the client to connect with how the emotion is felt in the body, and instruct her to imagine these sensations building within her. • Then prompt her to consider the mental experiences associated with the emotion: thoughts, imagery, and motivation. If this emotion could speak, what would it say? What would it want to do? If the (angry/anxious/sad) self had complete control and unlimited power, what would it do? What does this emotional self want? • Perhaps begin with an emotion to which the client has an easier time connecting, then proceed to less familiar emotions. • When shifting from one self to another, have the client do some soothing rhythm breathing. I also sometimes like to offer a mental “palate cleanser,” tossing out a few random—­often silly—­things for the client to visualize or think about, to aid the shift out of an emotion and to lighten the experience a bit. • Let clients know that it is all right if they find an emotion to be “sticky” and have trouble shifting out of it. Reassure them that this is normal, and encourage them to honor this aspect of themselves, and to keep going.

The Captain of the Ship One goal of the Multiple Selves exercise is to help clients relate compassionately to the various threat-­based versions of the self. The idea is to shift their relationship with these emotions from something that is wrong with me to understandable responses to perceived threats. Our evolved threat emotions aren’t bad; they just aren’t always the most useful responses to modern stressors. I’ve found that clients often have an easier time relating compassionately to these threat-­based emotional selves if we set the stage for the exercise by using a metaphor, which I’ll call the “captain of the ship” (Kolts & Chodron, 2013). In this metaphor, we have the client imagine a ship at sea, with various passengers on board, including the various emotional selves. When the ship eventually encounters a storm (as we all will face emotional “storms” in life), we imagine the emotional pas- sengers doing what they always do: the angry self rages and criticizes; the anxious self worries and cowers; the sad self shrinks and becomes mournful. We then set up the compassionate self as the captain of the ship. Kind, wise, and confident, this captain understands that storms are just a part of sailing, and has the wisdom and experience to guide the ship to safety. The captain also under- stands that such storms can be very scary for the passengers, so instead of becoming upset with them, the captain comforts them, reassures them, and offers to take care of things. This metaphor sets the stage for clients to relate compassionately to the understandable reac- tions produced by various threat emotions, while understanding that we don’t want to give these emotional selves control of the ship. Instead, we set up the compassionate self as a superordinate aspect of the self and apply this perspective in working with both the situation and the emotions produced by it. Let’s consider an example of how this might play out in a session: Therapist: Josh, we’ve spent some time discussing your anger, but in doing the case formulation, it sounds like there might be some other emotions worth looking at as well. I was wondering if you’d be up to trying another chair exercise to explore these different feelings. Josh: I’m not sure I understand the point of it. The anger is really the problem. Therapist: Interestingly, anger can sometimes act as a secondary emotion—­this means that it can arise in response to other feelings. If we look deeply at our anger, we often find that there are other, more vulnerable feelings behind it—­like fear, sadness, or anxiety. Sometimes we can even use anger to try and avoid those feelings. Does that make sense? Josh: It makes a lot of sense. I do that. Therapist: Could you tell me more about that? Josh: I feel anger so I don’t have to feel that stuff. I don’t go there. Therapist: Ahh… I’ve heard that a lot. A lot of us tend to use anger in that way. Do you think you might be willing to go there if I were there to help? Josh: (reluctantly) I guess so. Therapist: Remember when we talked about compassion being about having the courage to face the stuff that scares us? This is exactly what we were talking about. In this practice, we’ll consider a recent situation that triggered your anger, and explore how different emotions relate to that situation. We’ll visit the perspective of your angry self, your anxious self, and your sad self, and finish up with the compassionate self, which you’re familiar with. Josh: Mmm-­hmm. Therapist: While I set up the chairs for the exercise, could you bring to mind a recent time when you struggled with anger? (Gets up and arranges four chairs positioned a few feet apart as corners of a square, pointed inward.) Josh: That’s easy. My wife and I got in a fight last night. Therapist: (sitting back down) Could you tell me a little more about that? Josh: 184 Sure. I got home from work, and the moment I walked in the house, she started in on me. A couple of weeks ago, our lawn mower had stopped working. I’d told her that I’d fix it as soon as I could—­even though I don’t know what’s wrong with it. Well, I’d planned to try and fix it over the weekend, but we got busy with other things. Last night, the moment I walked in the door, she points out that it’s still not working—­(in a nagging voice) “Is the lawn mower fixed yet?” She knew it wasn’t! I just blew up at her, and told her that if she wanted the damn thing fixed, maybe she should fix it herself. After that, she just shut down. She and the kids avoided me for the rest of the night, and I just spent the evening stewing over it. It’s like I’m always the problem…I mean, I’d just walked in the door from work. But I feel terrible about it. I thought I’d been doing better at this… Therapist: This sounds like a perfect experience for this exercise, Josh. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings about this situation. Ready to start? Josh: I guess so. Therapist: Great. To start, how about you move over into this chair? (Points to the chair.) Josh: (Moves to the chair and sits.) Therapist: This is where your angry self is going to sit. Remember when we discussed that different emotions can organize our minds and bodies in different ways? Our attention, thoughts, feelings—­that sort of thing? We’re going to explore that. I’d like you to invite your angry self into the room. Thinking of this situation; allow any anger you feel about it to come to the surface. If you were to feel that anger rising in you, how would you feel it in your body? Josh: I feel it as tension—­in my jaw, my forehead, my gut. I tighten up all over. Therapist: Imagine that tension filling your body, building and building…your angry self completely in control. Imagine being completely being taken over by the anger. We want to give that angry version of you a voice—­to hear what it has to say. Imagining yourself filled with anger, how do you feel? Josh: Furious! Furious at her, and furious at me. Therapist: You’re doing great. From this perspective of your angry self, what are you thinking? What does this angry version of you have to say? Josh: That she doesn’t appreciate any damn thing I do. I had just walked in from work! All I wanted was to relax and unwind a little bit, and she starts nagging me about the lawn mower. Why doesn’t she fix the fucking lawn mower? Why do I have to be the one that does everything? She always says, “We need to do this…” or “We need to do that…” Well, I know what that means—­that I need to do it! I get sick of it, you know? Therapist: It sounds like your angry self has a lot to say. If your angry self were in complete control in this situation, what would he want to do? What would you do? Josh: I know exactly what I’d do. I’d tell her where she could stick her lawn mower. I’d tell her that I’m sick of being taken for granted, and then I’d pack up my shit, get in my car, drive away, and never come back. (Begins breathing more quickly, and shakes his head back and forth.) Therapist: Josh, you mentioned feeling angry at Karen, but also at yourself. Could you talk about that, from the perspective of your angry self? How does your angry self feel about you? Josh: My angry self hates me. Why do I keep screwing it up? What the fuck is wrong with me? And then, after…I wanted to apologize to her, to try and talk to her, but I couldn’t do it. What the hell is wrong with me? Therapist: So it sounds like there is some anger with yourself for how you handled things, both during the situation and after, but also maybe some other feelings—­like some fear or anxiety that kept you from apologizing, or some disappointment with yourself. Josh: (Nods, hangs his head, and looks down.) Therapist: This seems like it might be a good time to shift to another chair. Before we do, does your angry self have anything else to say? Josh: (Shakes his head to indicate “no.”) Therapist: In that case, how about you move to this chair over here? (Points to the adjacent chair.) Josh: (Moves to other chair and sits.) Therapist: Before we move on, let’s do some soothing rhythm breathing—­slowing down the breath…slowing down the body…slowing down the mind. (Waits for thirty seconds to one minute.) Josh: (Slows his breathing.) Therapist: Looking over to the angry chair, let’s thank your angry self for sharing his perspective with us. He did a good job of helping us to understand the perspective of your anger. Josh: (Looks at the anger chair with a neutral expression on his face.) Therapist: Let’s have some mental “palate cleansers.” I’ll say a few things, and you think of them, okay? Josh: Okay. Therapist: Tater tots! (Waits five seconds.) Dancing pandas! (Waits five seconds.) Your favorite sports team! (Waits five seconds.) What is your favorite sports team, anyway? Josh: 186 I like the Oakland Raiders. Therapist: Well, that explains the anger. (Smiles.) Just joking—­I’m a Chargers fan. Josh: (Smiles.) I get you. Too bad they’ve never won a Super Bowl. Therapist: Ouch—­well played! That was just a way to focus our attention on something else, to transition from the anger. I find a little silliness can sometimes help with that. Ready to keep going? Josh: Why not? Therapist: Good. This chair we’re in now is the “anxious chair.” In this chair, we’re going to invite your anxious, fearful self to share his perspective. Bringing up the situation last night with Karen, is there any anxiety or fear that comes up? Any worries about how things happened? Josh: Yeah. Yeah, there are. Therapist: Like we did before, let’s give your anxious self the floor. Imagine the anxiety building in your body. How would you feel it in your body? Josh: Restless, and jittery, like I can’t relax. And an unsettled feeling in my stomach… a little nauseous. Therapist: Imagining that anxiety building and building, how does your anxious self feel about this situation? Josh: Scared, and worried. Therapist: Scared? Josh: Scared that I’ll never be good enough. That I’ll keep coming to these sessions but nothing will change. Worried that they’ll finally get sick of it, and leave me. Scared that I’ll push them away, and I’ll be alone. Hell, I’m even worried that I can’t fix the lawn mower, and that Karen will decide that I’m not good for anything. Therapist: It sounds like there’s a lot of anxiety in there with the anger. If this anxious version of you were in complete control, what would he do? From this perspective of your anxious self, what would you do? Josh: Pretty much what I did last night—­nothing. Just sit there and think about it over and over, scared to do anything. (Pauses, becomes tearful, looks down, then up at therapist.) I wanted to apologize, you know. I wanted to tell her I was sorry for snapping at her, that I’d meant to fix the lawn mower but wasn’t sure how to do it. But I was scared that she wouldn’t care—­that she’d tell me if I was really sorry, I wouldn’t talk to her like that. Maybe she’d be right. I’m scared that she doesn’t love me anymore, and that the kids just see me as this raging lunatic. Therapist: It sounds like your anxious self is really scared that there’s no making things better, that maybe there’s no way to control the anger and repair your relationship with your family. Josh: (Looks down.) Yeah. Therapist: It also sounds like there’s some real sadness coming up about this situation as well. Rather than resisting it, why don’t we invite your sad self into the room? Would you mind shifting over to this chair? (Points to the next adjacent chair to the right.) Josh: (Quietly moves to the next chair.) Therapist: This is the “sad self” chair. It seems to me that there is some sadness coming up in you about this situation. Is that right? Josh: (Nods.) Therapist: Let’s go with the sadness, then…inviting your sad self to share his perspective. What does the sadness feel like in your body? Josh: Heavy, like a sinking feeling, right here. (Motions toward his gut.) Therapist: Imagine if that sad, heavy, sinking feeling were to build and build in you. What feelings would come up? Josh: This is the worst. I don’t do this. Therapist: I’m here to help, Josh. You can do this. How does that sad version of you feel? Josh: (crying) I just feel hopeless. Look at me, sitting here crying like a baby. I feel helpless, like there’s nothing I can do. Therapist: There’s a lot of sadness in there, isn’t there? Sadness, and feelings of hopelessness. What does your sad self think about all this? What thoughts come up? Josh: (crying) That I’m losing my family, and it’s my fault. That they don’t love me, and they’d be better off without me. That my daughter and son are ashamed of me. Therapist: (nodding quietly) Mmm-­hmm. Josh: I feel like I’m a terrible father. Like I’m teaching them all the wrong stuff. That they’re ashamed of me, and ashamed to be with me. Therapist: If this sad self were in complete control, what would he want to do? What would he do? Josh: 188 Just give up. Just lay down and die. Maybe then they could just forget about me and go on with their lives. Therapist: (Pauses.) Josh: (Pauses, wipes his eyes, and sighs.) Therapist: You did it, Josh. You let yourself feel it. Josh: For whatever it’s worth… Therapist: I think it’s worth a lot. That took a lot of courage. That’s what we’ve been talking about—­the courage of compassion. (Pauses.) Would you mind moving to this last chair? (Gestures.) Josh: Sure. Therapist: This chair is where your kind, wise, courageous, compassionate self sits. In a minute, we’ll slow down our breathing, and invite the compassionate self into the room. But first, let’s look around at these other emotional selves (gesturing)—­ the angry self, the anxious self, the sad self—­and thank them for sharing their perspectives. They’ve done a good job helping us understand your anger, anxiety, and sadness. (Pauses.) Josh: (Slows his breathing; looks around at the chairs.) Therapist: Now this self will be more familiar, as we’ve been practicing here and in your homework. Let’s take a bit of time to do some soothing rhythm breathing—­ slowing things down, and paving the way for compassion to arise. (Pauses for one minute.) Josh: (Closes his eyes; slows his breathing.) Therapist: Now allowing yourself to feel those compassionate qualities rising in you…the kind motivation to work with the suffering, to help yourself and others… (Pauses.) The wisdom to look deeply, and understand things from different perspectives… (Pauses.) The confidence and courage to work with whatever comes up… (Pauses.) And when you’re ready, opening your eyes, bringing these compassionate qualities with you. Josh: (Opens his eyes.) Therapist: Now, we’re going to hear from the compassionate self, but I want to set things up a bit. We all have these different versions of us—­angry, anxious, sad—­but the idea is that we can choose which part of ourselves we want to put in charge. Imagine that we’re out at sea, on a ship. Imagine that there is a big storm—­just like we’ll all face stormy times in life—­and that there’s thunder, and rain, and water sloshing over the side of the ship. These emotional selves (gesturing toward the chairs) are passengers on the ship. It’s scary, and they’re freaking out—­doing the only things they know how to do. Your angry self is raging and blaming. Your anxious self is shaking and worrying. Your sad self shrinks into a corner, hopeless. They’re doing their best, but they don’t have what it takes to steer us to safety. And here you are—­the compassionate self. Imagine that the compassionate self—­this kind, wise, confident version of you—­is captain of the ship. You’ve spent a lot of time on ships, and you know that storms just happen sometimes. More than that, you know what to do. You know how to get the ship through safely, and how to rely on your crew when you need help. This compassionate captain is also kind. You understand how scary this can be for the passengers (gesturing), and that they’re doing the best they can. Josh: (Nods.) Therapist: Looking at the other passengers—­the other versions of you in this stormy situation—­does it make sense that they’d be freaking out? Josh: It sure does. Therapist: How do you feel about them? Josh: I feel bad for them. They’re scared and they don’t know what to do—­and what they do know how to do doesn’t help. Therapist: So as this kind, wise, courageous captain, what would you do? How would you reassure them? What would you say? Josh: I’d tell them it’s going to be okay. I’d tell them not to worry—­that I’m going to handle it. Therapist: How do you think they’d feel, hearing that? Josh: Maybe a little better. Therapist: Now let’s think about your current situation. You’ve had this argument with Karen. Your angry self is raging—­at her, and at you—­and wants to just storm off. Your anxious self wants to apologize, but is scared to do so, and scared to be rejected if he does. Your sad self is ready to give up, feeling like a terrible husband and father, like nothing is working. What do you have to say to them? How would you reassure them? Josh: 190 I’d tell them that this isn’t the end of the world. Deep down, I know that I want to be with Karen, Chloe, and Aiden, and that they want to be with me—­they’ve told me so. While we still go at each other sometimes, it happens a lot less than it used to. Even last night, I let it drop rather than keeping at it. Karen knows I’m trying, and she appreciates it. She told me last week that she was proud of me for going to these sessions, and for keeping at it. Therapist: So you’d reassure them that all isn’t lost, and that things are getting better? Josh: (Nods.) They are getting better. We had a really good weekend—­went to the lake, went swimming and fishing. It was the best time we’d had in a while, and I didn’t get angry once. Therapist: Do you normally get angry at the lake? Josh: Well, Aiden’s a little kid, and so he’s always getting his fishing line tangled, or losing lures. In the past I’ve gotten irritated and lectured him about how he needs to be more careful, which always shuts things down. This time, I didn’t even mind. I reminded myself that even I get tangles sometimes, and he’s just a little kid. He doesn’t do it on purpose. Therapist: That’s great, Josh. That’s just what compassion looks like—­trying to understand what’s going on from the other person’s perspective, and to be helpful. Josh: Well, it worked a lot better than getting all worked up about it. Therapist: If you could go back to the situation last night and work with it from the perspective of your compassionate self, would you do anything differently? Josh: I would. First, I’d try not to get worked up in the first place, and try to remind myself that she wasn’t purposefully trying to criticize me—­she’s probably just noticing the grass getting longer and wondering when she might be able to mow it. Therapist: What if you had gotten worked up, and had the conflict. Would your compassionate self have handled things differently afterward? Josh: Yeah. I’d apologize, tell her I’ll get to it as soon as I can, and ask her to be patient with me. I think she could do that, as long as she sees that I really am trying. The vignette above demonstrates several characteristic aspects of the Multiple Selves exercise. The therapist guides the client into the perspective of various affective “selves,” beginning with physical sensations, and then prompting the client to explore feelings, thoughts, and motivations associated with these emotions. Transitions are eased via the use of breathing exercises, and making things a bit lighter through a bit of banter about football. Although a mental “palate cleanser” was used once, the therapist was able to find easy transition points the rest of the time, taking advan- tage of natural shifts in the client’s dialogue to move fluidly from one emotional self to the other. Sometimes our clients will be reluctant to explore an emotional “self” that feels particularly threatening or unfamiliar. When Josh became hesitant to enter the perspective of the sad self, the therapist offered encouragement, providing reassurance to the client that he had support. The therapist followed up on this later, reinforcing the client for his willingness to enter these vulnerable perspectives, and linking to the ongoing work (“That’s the courage of compassion.”). You may have also noticed the therapist beginning to explore the dynamics of self-­criticism through considering the interactions between different selves (“How does your angry self feel about you?”). This explo- ration could be deepened when time allows (“How do your sad and anxious selves feel about your angry self?”). Finally, the therapist spent a fair bit of time paving the way for the transition to the compassion- ate self via the “captain of the ship” metaphor, and through various suggestions (“How would you reassure them?”). Depending on how deeply the client has been able to connect with the perspec- tive of the compassionate self through previous therapeutic work, the therapist will be more or less active in facilitating this perspective—­not “feeding him lines,” so much as suggesting particular affective orientations (“Can you understand how they’d be scared? How would you reassure them?”). If things go well, by the time the transition is made to the client’s problematic situation, he’ll be ready to offer a compassionate perspective, as Josh did—­bringing compassion both to his own feelings about the situation and to how he might handle similar situations more helpfully in the future. One thing the therapist could have done (but in this case didn’t) was to have the compas- sionate self speak directly to the other selves, reassuring them and offering to help.

Debriefing the Exercise It’s important to follow this (and all such exercises) with a debriefing. We want to explore what the experience was like for the client, and what he learned from it. If a client struggled with enter- ing the perspective of a particular self, or has any other problems, we can offer validation and encouragement—­this is tough stuff! This is a good time for the therapist to draw upon the per- spective of her own compassionate self, connecting with sympathy and empathy around the diffi- culty of what she’s asking the client to do in exploring these feelings, and considering what might be most helpful in helping him make sense of the experience. Here are a few questions that can be useful in the debriefing: • What was that like for you? • Were you able to connect with the emotional selves? Which were easier, or more difficult? • Did you find yourself able to shift from one self to another? What challenges showed up as we did that? • What was it like looking at these emotions from the perspective of your compassionate self? • Were you able to see how each of these reactions makes sense? • What did we learn from this that we can take forward into our work? When it comes to the Compassionate Self work in the exercise, we want to focus on reinforcing the effort—­validating the challenges, and acknowledging the triumphs. The key is to try and help the client consider how he might bring compassion to both aspects of the experience: the feelings he has, and the situation itself.

SUMMARY I’ve placed the Multiple Selves exercise toward the end of the book because it allows us to tie together many of the themes that run through a course of CFT. Rather than avoiding uncomfort- able emotions and situations, clients are helped to compassionately turn toward these scary experiences—­with warmth rather than judgment—­so that they can really understand them. Clients can develop the confidence that comes from learning they can feel these emotions without getting trapped in them, and consider how it makes sense that these feelings might arise in them. Emotional conflicts can be explored, and clients can be guided to see how different emotions can serve as triggers for other emotions—­for example, how they might shift to anger in the effort to avoid sadness, or experience anxiety when faced with their own rage, sadness, or fears. They can learn to relate to these emotions as valuable parts of themselves that nonetheless aren’t equipped to “steer the ship.” Finally, the exercise can help clients learn to empower the compassionate self as a helpful perspective for working effectively with challenging emotions and the situations that trigger them.