第十章 同理思考与逻辑分析

第十章

慈悲思维与推理

在处理思维工作时，认知行为疗法（CFT）融合了正念和传统认知疗法的元素。与基于正念的方法一致，CFT帮助来访发展对无益且具有挑战性的思维作为心理事件的意识和非评判性接受，避免执着于这些思维、与之争论或试图将其从意识中排除。然而，认识到思维作为情绪大脑的隐含输入以及动机和行为组织者的强大力量，CFT在强调有目的地培养有益的思维模式方面与许多认知疗法模型共享基础。CFT中的思维工作以慈悲思维为重点——这种思维集中在理解、平衡情感、鼓励自我面对困难情况，并帮助培养慈悲的力量。正如我们在上一章的书信练习中所见，慈悲思维是温暖的、认可的、灵活的，专注于促进有益行动。

CFT中的思维工作不被视为孤立的一系列实践。相反，它是持续发展和扩展慈悲自我的自然部分。这个版本的你——善良、智慧、自信、慈悲——会如何思考这种情况？你会如何从那个深刻慈悲的角度来理解这段经历？在这种情况下，什么是有帮助的？这不仅仅是产生慈悲的思维——而是学会更加完全地转向这种慈悲的视角。

当我们与来访探讨慈悲思维时，可以提醒他们不同的情绪和社会心态以非常不同的方式组织我们的心理和身体体验，产生非常不同但相互关联的注意力、思维、想象、感受体验、动机和行为模式——而慈悲则以特别有用的方式组织心灵，特别是在面对和处理苦难时。

受威胁的心灵	慈悲的心灵
注意力	注意力
思维与推理	思维与推理
情绪	情绪
图像与幻想	慈悲
动机	动机
行为	行为

图9.2：受威胁和慈悲如何组织我们的体验。（引自Gilbert，《慈悲的心灵》[2009]，经Little, Brown Book Group许可重印。）

在进行慈悲思维工作之前，让来访参与一个简短的慈悲自我练习是有用的，让他们在继续前进之前转向慈悲自我的视角。通过这种方式，我们将思维工作与治疗的整体故事线联系起来——即培养和加强这种适应性和慈悲的自我版本。

处理以威胁为中心的思维

我们来访的许多心理痛苦可以通过思维模式触发和维持，已经确立的是，关于自我、世界和他人的负面思维模式在心理困扰中起着核心作用（Beck, 1976）。我们已经介绍了正念，它在慈悲思维工作中扮演着重要角色。正念练习帮助来访不被这些思维所束缚，因为他们更擅长注意到无益思维的出现，不对其进行评判，并学会转移注意力，而不是陷入反复思考。

正如我们在一些临床案例中看到的那样，当来访有根深蒂固的无益思维模式时，CFT治疗师有时会帮助他们认识到这些思维是不同威胁情绪和应对模式如何组织心灵的产物。这可以通过使用“焦虑的自我”、“抑郁的（来访名字）”或“自我批评”这样的语言来实现。例如：“所以，焦虑的珍妮非常善于列举所有可能出错的情况？”或者，“听起来你的自我批评今天有很多话要说。”

使用这样的语言有助于来访从这些思维或批判信息中抽离，并以非指责的方式对待它们。这也帮助将这些体验锚定在贯穿治疗过程中的慈悲理解主题上——理解这些思维是强大的威胁情绪如何组织心灵以保护我们的自然产物，或者是通过社会塑造习得的习惯。我们不恨焦虑或愤怒的自我——我们希望安慰并帮助她。以这种方式理解这些思维可以帮助消除其负面影响，并为慈悲地处理它们提供结构。让我们考虑一下这可能是什么样子：

治疗师：珍妮，你一直在坚持正念练习，做得非常一致。你有没有注意到有什么新的变化？

珍妮：花了几周时间才记得一直做，但现在我做得更好了。我觉得我越来越擅长注意到全天出现的各种思维——尤其是那些妨碍我做事的思维。

治疗师：这听起来很棒。你能告诉我更多你注意到的内容吗？

珍妮：嗯，我发现在我做任何事情之前，我会花很多时间思考所有可能出错的事情，尤其是在涉及与其他人互动时。我总是有这样的想法：这会很糟糕，我做不到，他们不会喜欢我，我会看起来很傻。诸如此类。

治疗师：所以听起来焦虑的珍妮有很多话要说。

珍妮：（微笑。）确实如此！焦虑的珍妮非常努力。

治疗师：她非常努力地试图保护你，不是吗？她以前受过伤，现在非常努力地确保你不再受到那样的伤害。我们能理解她的视角吗？鉴于你的经历，她保持高度警惕是否合情合理？

珍妮：（若有所思地停顿。）确实如此。确实合情合理。

治疗师：棘手的部分在于，焦虑的珍妮的视角非常有限——她只看到危险，有时甚至在没有危险的情况下也会看到危险。你觉得这是对的吗？

珍妮：确实如此。我会对各种事情感到不安。我知道有些事情并不重要，但还是会感到焦虑。无论如何都会担心。

治疗师：你见过那些真人大小的电影人物纸板立牌吗？

珍妮：是的。我楼下的一个女孩房间里有一些。

治疗师：从前面看，它们看起来相当真实——它们是真人大小的，有很多细节。从远处看，你甚至可能以为那是真人。

珍妮：是的。她有贾斯汀·比伯！

治疗师：贾斯汀·比伯？（微笑。）

珍妮：真的。她有贾斯汀·比伯。你知道的，对吧？

治疗师：（轻笑。）这实际上是一个很好的引子。如果我们把焦虑的珍妮想象成一个完全围绕恐惧和焦虑组织起来的你，她就像在正面看着一个非常吓人的纸板立牌，看起来像是真实的威胁。所以有一个纸板立牌在嘲笑你，或者一个老师会批评你……或者贾斯汀·比伯。这个威胁就在那里，从正面看，它看起来真的很真实。她看到了这一点，感到非常害怕，我们可以理解为什么。

珍妮：（点头。）

治疗师：想象一下，慈悲的珍妮出现了，她看到焦虑的珍妮有多么害怕。慈悲的珍妮是善良的、智慧的、勇敢的——勇敢到足以绕着房间走一圈，从各个角度仔细观察。慈悲的珍妮会看到什么？她会理解什么？

珍妮：她会看到那不是真的。她会看到这个吓人的人其实不在那里，那并不是真正的危险。它只是纸板。

治疗师：她会理解为什么焦虑的珍妮这么紧张吗？从她的角度来看，鉴于她的经历，这确实看起来很可怕？

珍妮：是的，她会理解。

治疗师：焦虑的珍妮在那里，不断列举这些可怕的念头：你看不到有多糟糕吗？他们会攻击我们！我们应付不了！慈悲的珍妮会怎么想？

珍妮：慈悲的珍妮不会太在意这些。她知道焦虑的珍妮只是因为害怕而惊慌失措。

治疗师：就是这样！这就是慈悲的智慧！所以这个慈悲的你可以看到这些念头，并理解它们的来源，但不会被它们所左右。如果慈悲的珍妮想帮助焦虑的珍妮感到安全，她会怎么做？如果这个善良、慈悲、智慧的你在那里，她会说什么——她希望焦虑的珍妮理解什么？你会怎么安慰她？你会告诉她别那么愚蠢吗？（微笑。）

珍妮：（微笑。）不。（停顿。）我会告诉她没关系，那些吓人的人不是真的，只是因为她站在某个位置才看起来那样。我可能会给她一个拥抱，然后牵着她的手带她到房间的另一边，让她看到那些只是纸板。

治疗师：这太美了，珍妮。如果你这样做，你觉得焦虑的珍妮会有怎样的感觉？

珍妮：我觉得会有帮助。

治疗师：我注意到你在我们上次回顾的慈悲信中写了很多非常鼓舞人心、慈悲的思绪。这周你重温过吗？

珍妮：我重温了，确实很有帮助。我很喜欢写这封信，读它时帮我平静下来，尤其是在那些焦虑的念头特别强烈的时候。我在通讯课的小组会议前读了这封信，项目进展得很顺利。我还发言了一两次。

治疗师：珍妮，这太棒了！做得很好。我为你感到骄傲。

珍妮：我也为自己感到骄傲。

上述案例中的慈悲思维工作

在上述案例中，我们看到了慈悲思维工作的几个方面。首先，我们注意到治疗师并没有简单地用好的思维替换坏的思维。治疗师从珍妮正在进行的正念练习入手，从一个好奇、非评判的观察者视角讨论这些思维。接着，治疗师引入了“焦虑的珍妮”这一说法，将担忧的思维置于焦虑如何组织心灵的背景下——将焦虑的自我设定为一个试图帮助但视角有限（通过纸板立牌的比喻）的角色，而不是一个需要批评或憎恨的敌人。然后，治疗师引导珍妮转向慈悲自我的视角，准备她以更安慰、更有帮助的方式思考，而不是与焦虑的思维争辩或争论，而是安抚焦虑的部分，拓宽她的视角。

有了这个框架，接下来的讨论可以进一步针对特定的挑战情境，其中珍妮（从慈悲自我的视角）可以被引导提供鼓励、理解、指导和解决问题的方法。在这个案例中，这表现为从当前的讨论过渡到我们在上一章介绍的慈悲信，珍妮曾用这封信来帮助自己应对一个她非常害怕的情境。随着案例的结束，我们看到这种成功如何激发了珍妮积极的自我关系，她自发地以温暖的态度对待自己（“我也为自己感到骄傲”），而不是批评。

如果我们对“情感自我”的语言不太舒服，也可以简单地将这些思维标记为由威胁情绪引发的产物：“听起来你有很多焦虑的思维。”当来访对慈悲自我练习已经相当熟悉时，我们可以引导他们转向这个视角：“你的智慧、善良、自信、慈悲的自我会如何看待这个情况？她会建议我们做什么？”同样，重点不是反驳威胁驱动或自我批评的思维，而是承认这些思维，并促进逐渐深入的慈悲视角。让我们进一步探讨这一点。

慈悲自我的主要属性

慈悲自我的一个主要属性是能够以慈悲的方式思考和推理，并将这些思考方式发展为习惯性的思维模式。慈悲的思考和推理基于两个基本目标：理解痛苦，并帮助解决、减轻或预防痛苦。在帮助来访理解慈悲思维的样子时，将慈悲的思考方式与基于威胁的思考方式进行对比是有用的：

基于威胁的思考	慈悲的思考
高度聚焦于威胁	宽泛，考虑多种因素来理解情况
关注判断和标签	关注理解
固执且反复思考	灵活，解决问题
激活威胁系统	激活安全感系统；帮助我们感到舒适和平静
对他人和自己表现出敌意、恐惧或厌恶	对他人和自己表现出善意
判断性和批评性	非批评性、同理心和鼓励
关注避免、支配或惩罚	关注帮助自己和他人，寻找对所有人有益且不对任何人造成伤害的解决方案

在与来访探讨这种对比时，重要的是不要将基于威胁的思考视为坏的，慈悲的思考视为好的。熟悉三个圆圈的来访可以理解为什么威胁系统会以如此狭窄和限制性的方式组织思维——它在面对直接的身体威胁时就是这样设计的。然而，他们可以认识到，在没有这些威胁的情况下，可能有更有帮助（或如ACT治疗师所说，更可行）的方式来理解和处理事物。与基于威胁的思考相比，慈悲的思考常常采取提问的形式（Gilbert, 2009a）：

• 我（或他/她）为什么会以这种方式感受（或思考或行为）？
• 在这里是什么触发了我的威胁系统？我有哪些感受？
• 从我的善良、智慧、自信、慈悲的自我视角来看，我如何理解这个情况？
• 有什么可以帮助我感到安全，以便我能更熟练地应对这个情况？
• 在应对这个挑战时，什么是有帮助的？什么资源可以帮助我应对这个情况？
• 他/她是如何理解这个情况的？
• 在这种情况下，我的慈悲自我会怎么想（或感受、说、做）？她会鼓励我做什么？

心理化

在帮助来访强调慈悲理解的思考时，引入心理化（mentalizing）的概念有时是有帮助的（Fonagy & Luyten, 2009; Liotti & Gilbert, 2011）。心理化涉及通过考虑行为或感受者的内心活动来审视行为和情绪。这些行为反映了哪些欲望、感受、需求、信念和动机？这种考虑即使是对令人沮丧或极端的行为也能提供一个打开慈悲之门的背景——例如，认识到自残的患者是在绝望地试图减轻情绪痛苦。

将思维工作与慈悲理解联系起来

当我们帮助来访发展慈悲的思维和行为模式时，将这些工作与大脑的工作原理联系起来是非常有用的——将思维工作与我们一直在发展的慈悲理解联系起来。我们可以引导来访理解，他们做的每一件事、说的每一句话、想的每一个念头、感受到的每一种情绪，都反映在大脑中相应细胞模式的激活上。这些模式随着时间的推移被一次又一次地激活，变得越来越强，也越来越容易被激活。正如神经科学家所说，“一起放电的细胞会连接在一起。”

随着时间的推移，这些相连的细胞模式变得非常容易被激活——往往在来访没有意识到的情况下——这就是为什么像自我批评这样的长期习惯很难改变。这些习惯背后的脑模式已经在数千次的重复中得到了加强。这种认识可以从两个方面帮助培养自我慈悲：首先，它可以帮助来访减少因失败而自责，因为他们理解改变长期习惯是困难的，不是因为他们软弱或缺乏意志力，而是因为他们的大脑就是这样工作的。其次，它有助于明确改变的方式——通过反复转向慈悲自我的视角，持续练习慈悲的思维、注意力和行为，建立和加强大脑中的新模式。让我们看看这在一个治疗会话中是如何展开的，使用一个“森林中的小径”隐喻：

治疗师：所以我们已经聊了一些关于慈悲思维以及它是如何以不同于焦虑和基于威胁的思维的方式组织我们的。 珍妮：（皱眉，低头） 治疗师：珍妮，看起来你刚才有些反应。你能告诉我你现在感觉怎么样吗？ 珍妮：我只是感到很沮丧。我们一直在谈论这个问题，但这些焦虑的、批判性的想法总是不断出现。我试着更积极地思考，但好像每次我想做任何事情时，这些焦虑的想法都在那里。这真的让人泄气。 治疗师：（向前倾，保持沉默） 珍妮：这些想法像是自动出现的。它们一出现，我就被困住了。 治疗师：我理解你会感到泄气——一些心理学家甚至称这些想法为自动思维。我敢打赌，这些焦虑的想法现在对你来说几乎是自动的。就像在你的大脑里，自动的。我们能不能谈一谈为什么它们会这样？ 珍妮：（考虑了一下）当然可以。 治疗师：想象一下我家后面有一片树林，每天十年，我都在这片树林里走——每次都走一条看似合理的路，每次都走同一条路。随着时间的推移，树林里会发生什么变化，地上会有什么变化？ 珍妮：你会走出一条小径。 治疗师：确实会。那么下雨时，水会往哪里流？ 珍妮：沿着小径流下去。 治疗师：没错。为什么会这样？水会选择沿着小径流下去吗？ 珍妮：不会，它只是会那样流。沿着小径流下去比其他地方更容易，就像阻力最小的路径一样。 治疗师：没错。所以如果我说我们的大脑就像这片树林呢？每次我们以某种方式思考或行动时，我们就是在走一条小径——激活大脑中的一种细胞模式——我们越是以这种方式思考或行动，这种模式就越“磨合得更好”。这种模式随着时间的推移变得更强，使得它更容易被激活。最终，它几乎可以自动激活——你想到一个社交场合，那个自我批判的模式就会立刻亮起来，就像大脑中的阻力最小的路径一样。所以看起来这些自我批判的想法会自动出现。这不是我们的错，这只是我们的大脑工作的方式。 珍妮：（沉思了一会儿）这说得通。不过还是很糟糕。 治疗师：（微笑）确实很糟糕！但它也给了我们一个线索，关于如何在生活中创造改变。假设我对那条小径感到厌倦了——也许是因为每次下雨，雨水都会顺着小径流进我的后院，淹了它。如果我不想放弃散步，我会怎么做？ 珍妮：你需要停止走在那条小径上。你需要找到其他方式走路。 治疗师：没错。我需要找出一条更好的路，然后沿着这条路走。我可能会有时候忘记，出于习惯走回旧路。所以我的任务就是尽量注意这种情况发生时，然后转到新路上去，走到我想去的地方。你能明白这如何适用于那些自我批判和焦虑的想法吗？ 珍妮：我想可以。它们就像是非常磨合得很好的小径。 治疗师：没错。那条小径非常容易走——几乎是自动的——因为它已经被磨合了多年。慈悲思维的小径则需要更多的努力。 珍妮：确实如此。 治疗师：但如果我非常努力地注意我在走哪条路，并且记得大部分时间走新路，它就会变得更容易。随着时间的推移，树林看起来会不一样，不是吗？最终，旧的小径会磨损，新的小径会慢慢形成。但树林不会因为我不喜欢旧路就一夜之间改变，对吧？这需要长时间的一致努力。 珍妮：这说得通。 治疗师：随着时间的推移，如果我努力一致地走新路，新路就会被磨合出来——这就是它的运作方式。所以如果我发现自己出于习惯意外地走回旧路，最好的做法是什么呢？除了生自己的气之外，还有什么办法？（微笑，语气温和）你知道我在开玩笑，对吧？ 珍妮：（微笑）我知道。不，你应该停下来，然后转到新路上去。 治疗师：没错。这就是我们对待这些焦虑和批判性想法的方法的原因。我们希望增加正念，让你注意到这些想法何时出现——当你出于习惯走在旧路上时…… 珍妮：（点头） 治疗师：……这样你就可以转到新路上，一遍又一遍地走，以加强与慈悲思维相关的大脑模式。这样慈悲就会成为阻力最小的路径。我们不是在与焦虑或批判性想法争辩。我们只是注意到那个旧模式，放下它，然后转到新路上去。你怎么看？ 珍妮：听起来不错。至少说得通。 治疗师：让我们想一个这些旧的焦虑模式出现的情况。你在传播学课上的小组项目还在进行中，对吗？ 珍妮：（有点畏缩）是的……我们接下来两周每周要开两次会。 治疗师：虽然你上次会议表现得很好，但你似乎还是不太期待这些会议。这些焦虑的模式会在会议前出现吗？ 珍妮：（仍然有点畏缩）是的。我还是对此感到非常焦虑。 治疗师：有些什么样的想法会出现？ 珍妮：觉得会很糟糕。觉得自己会显得很愚蠢。脑子里一直在想着所有可能出错的方式。 治疗师：那就是旧的小径。让我们来想想新的小径会是什么样子。假设我们已经正念地注意到了这些想法，并放下了它们。现在，让我们转向你慈悲自我的那种善良、智慧、自信的视角。我们先做三十秒左右的舒缓节奏呼吸……放慢身体……放慢心灵。 珍妮：（稍微动了动身子，闭上眼睛，放慢了呼吸） 治疗师：（等待三十秒到一分钟）现在想象自己充满了善良、智慧和勇气，转向慈悲自我的视角。这是你写了那封慈悲信的部分——这部分看到了你做小组活动有多难，并希望鼓励你，让你感到安全。当你觉得能够连接到一些慈悲的视角时，请轻轻点头。 珍妮：（等了一会儿，点头） 治疗师：作为你慈悲的自我，当你准备去参加小组会议时，你会怎么想？你会怎样向那个非常焦虑的部分表达善良和鼓励？作为慈悲的自我，你会说什么？ 珍妮：我会说这确实很难，但我以前做过，我可以再做一次。 治疗师：从慈悲的视角，你还会说些什么？ 珍妮：我不是一个人。组里有其他人喜欢我，我喜欢和他们在一起。我会告诉自己，我比自己想象的要坚强。我会提醒自己，上周我发言时并没有发生什么可怕的事情。我可以做到。 治疗师：听到你自己说这些话感觉怎么样？ 珍妮：感觉很好。有点假，但很好。 治疗师：有没有道理，新的小径在感觉像旧的小径一样自然之前需要一段时间？ 珍妮：有道理。我需要提醒自己这一点。 治疗师：当慈悲的想法感觉有点假时，你的慈悲自我会怎么提醒你？ 珍妮：她会说这是因为这是一种全新的思维方式。当然，它不会像旧的小径那样自然。 治疗师：没错！听上去你的慈悲自我正在弄清楚一些事情。 珍妮：（微笑）她在努力。

初期来访的挫败感

最初，当批评的或基于威胁的自我声音显得比新的、慈悲的思维方式强大得多时，来访可能会感到沮丧。我们的目标是为来访提供一个理解这种情况的背景。这甚至可以作为慈悲同情的基础（“这些焦虑的念头自动出现，对我来说真的很难”）。有了这样的背景，来访可以看到一次又一次转向慈悲视角的重要性——既为了在当下培养慈悲的思维方式，也为加强潜在的神经架构，使这些思维方式在未来更容易出现。

总结

在本章中，我们探讨了如何帮助来访将慈悲应用于他们的思维和推理。目标是培养慈悲的思维方式，使这些思维方式随着时间的推移自发地出现得越来越多。在下一章中，我们将继续探讨来访如何以慈悲的方式应对他们的挣扎，重点是慈悲的意象。

进一步阐述知识点

初期来访的挫败感

• 背景：

  • 当批评的或基于威胁的自我声音显得比新的、慈悲的思维方式强大得多时，来访可能会感到沮丧。
  • 这种挫败感是因为长期形成的负面思维模式在大脑中已经被多次强化，形成了稳定的神经网络。

• 理解背景：

  • 提供一个理解这种情况的背景，帮助来访认识到这种挫败感是正常的，不是因为他们不够努力或意志力不足，而是因为大脑的工作方式。
  • 例如，可以告诉来访：“这些焦虑的念头自动出现，对你来说真的很难，这是正常的。改变长期的习惯需要时间和耐心。”

• 慈悲同情：

  • 这种理解可以作为慈悲同情的基础，帮助来访对自己更加宽容和理解。
  • 例如，来访可以对自己说：“这些焦虑的念头自动出现，对我来说真的很难，但我可以理解，这不是我的错。”

一次又一次转向慈悲视角的重要性

• 当下的培养：

  • 一次又一次转向慈悲视角，可以帮助来访在当下培养慈悲的思维方式，减少负面情绪的影响。
  • 例如，通过正念练习和慈悲冥想，来访可以学会在遇到负面思维时，转向慈悲的视角，用更积极的方式应对。

• 未来的加强：

  • 通过反复练习，可以加强潜在的神经架构，使慈悲的思维方式在未来更容易出现。
  • 例如，通过持续的练习，来访的大脑会逐渐形成新的神经连接，使慈悲的思维方式成为一种习惯。

进一步解释

• 初期来访的挫败感：

  • 背景：当批评的或基于威胁的自我声音显得比新的、慈悲的思维方式强大得多时，来访可能会感到沮丧。这种挫败感是因为长期形成的负面思维模式在大脑中已经被多次强化，形成了稳定的神经网络。
  • 理解背景：提供一个理解这种情况的背景，帮助来访认识到这种挫败感是正常的，不是因为他们不够努力或意志力不足，而是因为大脑的工作方式。例如，可以告诉来访：“这些焦虑的念头自动出现，对你来说真的很难，这是正常的。改变长期的习惯需要时间和耐心。”
  • 慈悲同情：这种理解可以作为慈悲同情的基础，帮助来访对自己更加宽容和理解。例如，来访可以对自己说：“这些焦虑的念头自动出现，对我来说真的很难，但我可以理解，这不是我的错。”

• 一次又一次转向慈悲视角的重要性：

  • 当下的培养：一次又一次转向慈悲视角，可以帮助来访在当下培养慈悲的思维方式，减少负面情绪的影响。例如，通过正念练习和慈悲冥想，来访可以学会在遇到负面思维时，转向慈悲的视角，用更积极的方式应对。
  • 未来的加强：通过反复练习，可以加强潜在的神经架构，使慈悲的思维方式在未来更容易出现。例如，通过持续的练习，来访的大脑会逐渐形成新的神经连接，使慈悲的思维方式成为一种习惯。

希望这些进一步的说明能帮助你更深入地理解CFT的核心理念和实践方法。

知识点阐述

进一步阐述知识点

正念与认知疗法的结合

• CFT的核心理念：认知行为疗法（CFT）融合了正念和传统认知疗法的元素，旨在帮助个体发展一种更加全面和健康的思维方式。
• 正念的作用：正念帮助个体意识到并接受自己的负面思维，而不是试图逃避或抑制这些思维。这种接受和理解的态度有助于减少个体的内心冲突和焦虑。
• 认知疗法的作用：认知疗法强调通过识别和改变消极思维模式来改善情绪和行为。CFT在此基础上进一步强调培养有益的思维模式，特别是慈悲思维。

慈悲思维的核心要素

• 理解：慈悲思维鼓励个体深入理解自己和他人的处境，包括情感和行为背后的原因。
• 情感平衡：通过慈悲思维，个体可以更好地调节自己的情绪，减少过度反应，增强情绪稳定性。
• 自我鼓励：在面对困难和挑战时，慈悲思维提供了一种支持和鼓励的力量，帮助个体保持积极和乐观的态度。
• 发展慈悲力量：慈悲思维不仅关注个人的成长，还强调培养对他人的同情和关爱，从而建立更加和谐的人际关系。

情绪与社会心态的影响

• 不同心态的组织方式：不同的情绪和社会心态会以不同的方式组织个体的心理和生理体验，影响注意力、思维、想象、感受、动机和行为。
• 受威胁心态的影响：当个体处于受威胁的状态时，他们的注意力可能会集中在潜在的危险上，思维变得消极和防御性，情绪紧张，行为倾向于回避。
• 慈悲心态的影响：当个体处于慈悲的状态时，他们的注意力更加开放和包容，思维更加积极和建设性，情绪更加平和，行为更加友善和支持。

慅悲自我练习的重要性

• 准备阶段：在进行慈悲思维训练之前，引导个体进入慈悲自我的状态是非常重要的。这可以通过简短的冥想或反思练习来实现。
• 链接整体治疗：慈悲自我练习不仅是一个独立的步骤，还是整个治疗过程中的一部分，帮助个体逐步培养和强化慈悲的自我形象。
• 实际应用：通过慈悲自我练习，个体可以更好地连接到内在的正面资源，提高应对生活挑战的能力，从而促进心理健康和个人成长。

图9.2的解读

• 对比分析：图9.2展示了受威胁和慈悲两种心态下，个体在注意力、思维、情绪、想象、动机和行为上的不同表现。
• 受威胁心态：
  • 注意力：集中于潜在的威胁和问题。
  • 思维与推理：消极、防御性、狭隘。
  • 情绪：紧张、焦虑、恐惧。
  • 想象与幻想：负面的场景和结果。
  • 动机：逃避、保护自己。
  • 行为：退缩、回避。
• 慈悲心态：
  • 注意力：开放、包容、关注积极的方面。
  • 思维与推理：积极、建设性、全面。
  • 情绪：平和、宁静、温暖。
  • 想象与幻想：正面的场景和结果。
  • 动机：帮助他人、解决问题。
  • 行为：支持、合作。

总结

通过培养慈悲思维，个体不仅能够更好地理解和接纳自己，还能有效地应对生活中的各种挑战，实现个人成长和发展。CFT通过结合正念和认知疗法，提供了一种全面的方法，帮助个体在心理和情感层面上达到更高的和谐与平衡。

进一步说明

综合方法

• 正念与认知疗法的结合：
  • 正念：帮助个体意识到并接受自己的负面思维，而不是试图逃避或抑制这些思维。这种接受和理解的态度有助于减少内心的冲突和焦虑。
  • 认知疗法：强调通过识别和改变消极思维模式来改善情绪和行为。CFT在此基础上进一步强调培养有益的思维模式，特别是慈悲思维。
  • 综合效果：通过正念和认知疗法的结合，CFT提供了一个全面的框架，帮助个体从多个角度理解和改善自己的心理状态。

实践意义

• 日常生活中的应用：
  • 自我反思：定期进行自我反思，识别和记录自己的消极思维和情绪，然后尝试用慈悲的视角重新评估这些思维和情绪。
  • 冥想练习：通过冥想练习，如慈悲冥想（Loving-kindness meditation），帮助个体培养慈悲的心态，增强内心的平静和安宁。
  • 日常实践：在日常生活中，遇到挑战时，尝试从慈悲的角度看待问题，给予自己和他人更多的理解和支持。

治疗效果

• 减少负面情绪：
  • 情绪调节：慈悲思维帮助个体更好地调节自己的情绪，减少过度反应，增强情绪稳定性。
  • 情感平衡：通过慈悲思维，个体可以更好地理解自己和他人的情感，减少负面情绪的影响。
• 增强自我效能感：
  • 自我鼓励：在面对困难和挑战时，慈悲思维提供了一种支持和鼓励的力量，帮助个体保持积极和乐观的态度。
  • 自我成长：通过不断的练习和应用，个体可以逐渐培养出更加慈悲和积极的心态，增强自我效能感。
• 提高生活质量：
  • 人际关系：慈悲思维不仅关注个人的成长，还强调培养对他人的同情和关爱，从而建立更加和谐的人际关系。
  • 整体幸福感：通过减少负面情绪和增强自我效能感，个体的整体幸福感得到提升，生活质量显著改善。

总结

通过培养慈悲思维，个体不仅能够更好地理解和接纳自己，还能有效地应对生活中的各种挑战，实现个人成长和发展。CFT通过结合正念和认知疗法，提供了一种全面的方法，帮助个体在心理和情感层面上达到更高的和谐与平衡。

具体案例

• 案例1：应对焦虑：

  • 背景：小明经常感到焦虑，担心未来的不确定性。
  • 应用：通过正念练习，小明学会了接受自己的焦虑情绪，而不是逃避。通过慈悲思维，他开始从更宽广的角度看待自己的担忧，给予自己更多的理解和支持。
  • 结果：小明的焦虑情绪逐渐减轻，他变得更加平和和自信。

• 案例2：改善人际关系：

  • 背景：小红与同事之间的关系紧张，经常因为小事争吵。
  • 应用：通过慈悲冥想，小红学会了从慈悲的角度看待同事的行为，理解他们的难处。她开始更加耐心和友善地与同事沟通。
  • 结果：小红与同事的关系明显改善，工作氛围更加和谐。

结论

CFT通过结合正念和认知疗法，提供了一个全面的方法，帮助个体在心理和情感层面上达到更高的和谐与平衡。通过培养慈悲思维，个体不仅能够更好地理解和接纳自己，还能有效地应对生活中的各种挑战，实现个人成长和发展。

进一步阐述知识点

负面思维模式的触发和维持

• 心理痛苦的根源：许多心理痛苦是由负面思维模式触发和维持的，这些模式涉及对自己、世界和他人的消极看法。
• Beck的理论：贝克（Beck, 1976）指出，负面思维模式在心理困扰中起着核心作用。

正念的作用

• 抽离和接受：正念练习帮助个体从负面思维中抽离，不对其进行评判，并学会转移注意力，而不是陷入反复思考。
• 心理调适：通过正念，个体可以更好地管理自己的情绪和思维，减少内心的冲突和焦虑。

慈悲思维的应用

• 理解思维的来源：CFT治疗师帮助来访理解负面思维是威胁情绪和应对模式的产物，而不是个人的缺陷。
• 慈悲视角：通过使用“焦虑的自我”、“抑郁的自我”或“自我批评”等语言，帮助来访从更宽广的视角看待自己的思维，减少对自己的指责。

案例分析

• 珍妮的案例：
  • 背景：珍妮经常感到焦虑，担心各种事情可能出错。
  • 治疗过程：
    • 正念练习：珍妮通过正念练习，学会了注意到自己的负面思维，并不被其束缚。
    • 慈悲视角：治疗师帮助珍妮理解她的焦虑是出于保护自己，但这种视角有时过于局限，导致不必要的恐慌。
    • 具体策略：通过比喻（如纸板立牌），帮助珍妮从不同角度看待问题，培养慈悲的视角。
  • 结果：珍妮学会了用慈悲的态度对待自己的焦虑，通过写慈悲信等方式，有效缓解了焦虑情绪，提高了自信心。

总结

通过培养慈悲思维，个体不仅能够更好地理解和接纳自己，还能有效地应对生活中的各种挑战，实现个人成长和发展。CFT通过结合正念和认知疗法，提供了一种全面的方法，帮助个体在心理和情感层面上达到更高的和谐与平衡。

进一步阐述知识点

负面思维模式的触发和维持

• 心理痛苦的根源：
  • 许多心理痛苦是由负面思维模式触发和维持的，这些模式涉及对自己、世界和他人的消极看法。
  • Beck的理论：贝克（Beck, 1976）指出，负面思维模式在心理困扰中起着核心作用。他认为，这些模式通常表现为自动化的负面思维，如“我做不到”、“世界是不公平的”或“别人不可信任”。

正念的作用

• 抽离和接受：
  • 正念练习帮助个体从负面思维中抽离，不对其进行评判，并学会转移注意力，而不是陷入反复思考。
  • 通过正念，个体可以更好地管理自己的情绪和思维，减少内心的冲突和焦虑。
• 心理调适：
  • 正念练习使个体能够更加客观地看待自己的思维和情绪，从而减少对负面思维的认同和依赖。
  • 例如，通过正念冥想，个体可以学会观察自己的思维，而不被这些思维所控制。

慈悲思维的应用

• 理解思维的来源：
  • CFT治疗师帮助来访理解负面思维是威胁情绪和应对模式的产物，而不是个人的缺陷。
  • 通过使用“焦虑的自我”、“抑郁的自我”或“自我批评”等语言，帮助来访从更宽广的视角看待自己的思维，减少对自己的指责。
• 慈悲视角：
  • 培养慈悲视角有助于个体更加理解和支持自己，减少负面情绪的影响。
  • 例如，通过将负面思维视为“焦虑的自我”的产物，个体可以更容易地理解这些思维的来源，从而减少对这些思维的认同。

案例分析

• 珍妮的案例：
  • 背景：珍妮经常感到焦虑，担心各种事情可能出错。
  • 治疗过程：
    • 正念练习：珍妮通过正念练习，学会了注意到自己的负面思维，并不被其束缚。
      • 具体做法：每天进行10-15分钟的正念冥想，专注于呼吸和当下的感受，逐渐减少对负面思维的关注。
    • 慈悲视角：治疗师帮助珍妮理解她的焦虑是出于保护自己，但这种视角有时过于局限，导致不必要的恐慌。
      • 具体对话：
        • 治疗师：焦虑的珍妮非常努力地试图保护你，不是吗？
        • 珍妮：是的，她确实非常努力。
        • 治疗师：但她有时会看到不存在的危险，这让你感到更加焦虑。
    • 具体策略：通过比喻（如纸板立牌），帮助珍妮从不同角度看待问题，培养慈悲的视角。
      • 具体对话：
        • 治疗师：想象一下，慈悲的珍妮出现了，她看到焦虑的珍妮有多么害怕。慈悲的珍妮会怎么做？
        • 珍妮：她会给我一个拥抱，然后牵着我的手带我到房间的另一边，让我看到那些只是纸板。
  • 结果：
    • 珍妮学会了用慈悲的态度对待自己的焦虑，通过写慈悲信等方式，有效缓解了焦虑情绪，提高了自信心。
    • 具体反馈：
      • 珍妮：读慈悲信时帮我平静下来，尤其是在那些焦虑的念头特别强烈的时候。项目进展得很顺利，我还发言了一两次。

总结

通过培养慈悲思维，个体不仅能够更好地理解和接纳自己，还能有效地应对生活中的各种挑战，实现个人成长和发展。CFT通过结合正念和认知疗法，提供了一种全面的方法，帮助个体在心理和情感层面上达到更高的和谐与平衡。

进一步解释

• 负面思维模式的触发和维持：

  • 心理痛苦的根源：许多心理痛苦源于根深蒂固的负面思维模式，这些模式涉及对自己、世界和他人的消极看法。贝克的理论强调了这些负面思维模式在心理困扰中的核心作用。
  • 具体表现：常见的负面思维模式包括“全或无”思维、过度概括、灾难化等。

• 正念的作用：

  • 抽离和接受：正念练习帮助个体从负面思维中抽离，不对其进行评判，并学会转移注意力，而不是陷入反复思考。
  • 心理调适：正念练习使个体能够更加客观地看待自己的思维和情绪，从而减少对负面思维的认同和依赖。

• 慈悲思维的应用：

  • 理解思维的来源：CFT治疗师帮助来访理解负面思维是威胁情绪和应对模式的产物，而不是个人的缺陷。
  • 慈悲视角：培养慈悲视角有助于个体更加理解和支持自己，减少负面情绪的影响。
  • 具体策略：通过比喻和具体练习，帮助个体从不同角度看待问题，培养慈悲的视角。

• 案例分析：

  • 珍妮的案例展示了如何通过正念练习和慈悲视角，帮助个体理解和应对负面思维，最终实现情绪的稳定和自信心的提升。
  • 具体做法：通过正念冥想、写慈悲信等方法，帮助个体逐步培养慈悲思维，减少负面情绪的影响。

希望这些进一步的说明能帮助你更深入地理解CFT的核心理念和实践方法。

进一步阐述知识点

慈悲思维工作的关键点

• 避免简单的替换：治疗师没有简单地用好的思维替换坏的思维，而是从正念练习入手，引导来访从一个好奇、非评判的视角观察自己的思维。
• 慈悲视角：通过引入“焦虑的珍妮”这一概念，帮助来访理解焦虑的自我是一个试图帮助但视角有限的角色，而不是敌人。这有助于减少对负面思维的认同和依赖。
• 引导慈悲自我：治疗师引导来访转向慈悲自我的视角，帮助他们以更安慰、更有帮助的方式思考，而不是与负面思维争辩或争论。

慈悲思维的主要属性

• 习惯性的思维模式：慈悲自我的一个主要属性是能够以慈悲的方式思考和推理，并将这些思考方式发展为习惯性的思维模式。
• 两个基本目标：慈悲的思考和推理基于两个基本目标：理解痛苦，并帮助解决、减轻或预防痛苦。

慈悲思维与基于威胁的思维的对比

• 基于威胁的思考：高度聚焦于威胁，关注判断和标签，固执且反复思考，激活威胁系统，对他人和自己表现出敌意、恐惧或厌恶，判断性和批评性，关注避免、支配或惩罚。
• 慈悲的思考：宽泛，考虑多种因素来理解情况，关注理解，灵活，解决问题，激活安全感系统，帮助我们感到舒适和平静，对他人和自己表现出善意，非批评性、同理心和鼓励，关注帮助自己和他人，寻找对所有人有益且不对任何人造成伤害的解决方案。

心理化的作用

• 理解内心活动：心理化涉及通过考虑行为或感受者的内心活动来审视行为和情绪。这有助于将令人沮丧或极端的行为放在一个更宽广的背景中，打开慈悲之门。
• 具体应用：通过提问的方式，帮助来访从慈悲的视角理解自己和他人，从而更好地应对挑战和困境。

总结

通过培养慈悲思维，个体不仅能够更好地理解和接纳自己，还能有效地应对生活中的各种挑战，实现个人成长和发展。CFT通过结合正念和认知疗法，提供了一种全面的方法，帮助个体在心理和情感层面上达到更高的和谐与平衡。

进一步阐述知识点

将思维工作与大脑工作原理联系起来

• 大脑的可塑性：
  • 一切行为、言语、思维和情绪都反映在大脑中相应细胞模式的激活上。
  • 这些模式被一次又一次地激活，变得更强，也更容易被激活。
  • 神经科学家的“一起放电的细胞会连接在一起”这一原理解释了为什么长期习惯难以改变。

培养自我慈悲

• 减少自责：
  • 来访理解改变长期习惯是困难的，不是因为他们软弱或缺乏意志力，而是因为大脑的工作方式。
  • 这有助于减少因失败而自责，减轻心理负担。
• 明确改变的方式：
  • 通过反复转向慈悲自我的视角，持续练习慈悲的思维、注意力和行为，建立和加强大脑中的新模式。
  • 这种方法不仅帮助来访改变不良习惯，还能培养更积极的思维方式。

森林中的小径隐喻

• 隐喻的使用：
  • 使用“森林中的小径”隐喻来帮助来访理解习惯的形成和改变。
  • 刚开始时，小径可能非常模糊，但随着不断的行走，小径变得越来越清晰，行走也变得越来越容易。
  • 同样，通过反复练习慈悲的思维和行为，新的习惯模式会逐渐形成并变得稳固。

总结

通过将思维工作与大脑的工作原理联系起来，来访可以更好地理解习惯的形成和改变。这种理解不仅帮助他们减少因失败而自责，还能明确改变的方式，通过反复练习慈悲的思维、注意力和行为，建立和加强大脑中的新模式。这种方法不仅有助于改变不良习惯，还能培养更积极的思维方式，实现个人成长和发展。

进一步解释

• 大脑的可塑性：

  • 一切行为、言语、思维和情绪都反映在大脑中相应细胞模式的激活上。
  • 这些模式被一次又一次地激活，变得更强，也更容易被激活。
  • 神经科学家的“一起放电的细胞会连接在一起”这一原理解释了为什么长期习惯难以改变。

• 培养自我慈悲：

  • 减少自责：来访理解改变长期习惯是困难的，不是因为他们软弱或缺乏意志力，而是因为大脑的工作方式。这有助于减少因失败而自责，减轻心理负担。
  • 明确改变的方式：通过反复转向慈悲自我的视角，持续练习慈悲的思维、注意力和行为，建立和加强大脑中的新模式。这种方法不仅帮助来访改变不良习惯，还能培养更积极的思维方式。

• 森林中的小径隐喻：

  • 隐喻的使用：使用“森林中的小径”隐喻来帮助来访理解习惯的形成和改变。刚开始时，小径可能非常模糊，但随着不断的行走，小径变得越来越清晰，行走也变得越来越容易。
  • 实际应用：通过反复练习慈悲的思维和行为，新的习惯模式会逐渐形成并变得稳固。

希望这些进一步的说明能帮助你更深入地理解CFT的核心理念和实践方法。

C H A P T E R 10 Compassionate Thinking and Reasoning In its approach to thought work, CFT incorporates components of both mindfulness and more traditional cognitive therapies. Consistent with mindfulness-­based approaches, CFT assists clients in developing an awareness and nonjudgmental acceptance of their unhelpful and challenging thoughts as mental events, refraining from clinging to these thoughts, arguing with them, or attempting to push them out of awareness. However, recognizing the power of thoughts both as implicit inputs to the emotional brain and as organizers of motivation and behavior, CFT shares ground with many cognitive therapy models in emphasizing the purposeful cultivation of helpful thinking patterns. Thought work in CFT is defined by an emphasis on compassionate thinking—­ thinking that is focused on understanding, bringing balance to the emotions, encouraging the self in facing difficult situations, and helping to develop compassionate strengths. As we saw in the letter-­writing exercise in the previous chapter, compassionate thinking is warm, validating, flexible, and focused on facilitating helpful action.

Thought work in CFT is not seen as an isolated set of practices. Rather, it is a natural part of the continued development and elaboration of the compassionate self. How would this kind, wise, confi- dent, compassionate version of you think about this situation? How would you understand this experience from that deeply compassionate perspective? What would be helpful in working with this situation? It’s not just about generating compassionate thoughts—­ it’s about learning to shift more fully into this compassionate perspective. As we explore compassionate thinking with clients, we can remind them that different emo- tions and social mentalities organize our mental and bodily experience in very different ways, producing very different, interrelated patterns of attention, thinking, imagery, felt experience, motivation, and behavior—­with compassion organizing the mind in ways that are particularly useful in confronting and working with suffering. Threatened MindCompassionate Mind AttentionAttention Thinking and Reasoning Emotions Threat Imagery and Fantasy Compassion Motivation Behavior Thinking and Reasoning Emotions Imagery and Fantasy Motivation Behavior Figure 9.2: How threat and compassion organize our experience. (From Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind [2009], reprinted with permission from Little, Brown Book Group.) Before doing compassionate thought work, it can be useful to have clients engage in a brief Compassionate Self exercise, to have them shift into the perspective of the compassionate self before going forward. In this way, we’re linking the thought work to the overall story arc of therapy—­the cultivation and reinforcement of this adaptive, compassionate version of the self.

WORKING WITH THREAT-­FOCUSED THOUGHTS Much of our clients’ psychological suffering can be triggered and maintained through patterns of thinking, and it’s well established that negative thought patterns regarding oneself, the world, and other people can play a central role in psychological distress (Beck, 1976). We’ve already intro- duced mindfulness, which plays an important role in compassionate thought work. Mindfulness practices help clients keep from becoming fused with such thoughts, as they become more adept at noticing the arising of unhelpful thoughts, refraining from judging them, and learning to redirect their attention rather than getting caught up in rumination. As we’ve seen in some of the clinical vignettes, when clients have well-­entrenched patterns of unhelpful thoughts, the CFT therapist will sometimes help them recognize these thoughts as prod- ucts of how different threat emotions and learned patterns of responding organize the mind. This can be done using language like “the anxious self,” “Depressed (client name),” or “the self-­critic.” “So, Anxious Jenny is very good at listing off all of the ways this situation could go horribly wrong?” Or, “It sounds like your self-­critic has a lot to say today.” Using such language helps clients step back from these thoughts or critical messages and relate to them in a nonblaming way. It also helps anchor these experiences to themes of compassionate understanding that are woven through the therapy—­understanding these thoughts as natural products of how powerful threat emotions organize the mind as they attempt to protect us, or as habits that were learned via social shaping. We don’t hate the anxious or angry self—­we want to reassure and help her. Understanding such thoughts in this way can help take the sting out of them, and provides a structure for working with them compassionately. Let’s consider what this might look like: Therapist: Jenny, you’ve been able to keep up with your mindfulness exercises and have been practicing really consistently. Have you noticed anything new as you’ve been doing that? Jenny: It took a few weeks to remember to do it consistently, but I’m doing better. I feel like I’m getting a lot better at noticing all the thoughts that come up throughout the day—­especially the ones that get in the way of me doing things. Therapist: That sounds great. Could you tell me more about what you’ve noticed? Jenny: Well, I’ve noticed that before I do anything, I spend a lot of time thinking about all the things that could go wrong, particularly when it involves doing stuff with other people. I’m all the time having thoughts like, This is going to be terrible, or I can’t do this, or They aren’t going to like me, or I’ll look like an idiot. That sort of thing. Therapist: So it sounds like Anxious Jenny has a lot to say. Jenny: (Smiles.) She sure does! Anxious Jenny is working very hard. Therapist: She’s working very hard to try and protect you, isn’t she? She’s been burned before, and she’s working very hard to make sure you don’t get hurt like that again. Can we understand her perspective? Given your experience, does it make sense that she might be really vigilant? Jenny: (Pauses thoughtfully.) It does. It does make sense. Therapist: The tricky bit is that Anxious Jenny has a perspective that is very limited—­she sees only the danger, and sometimes sees danger when it really isn’t there. Does that sound right to you? Jenny: It does. I get worked up about all sorts of things. I get anxious about stuff I know isn’t a big deal. Stuff that doesn’t even matter. And I worry about it anyway. Therapist: Have you seen those life-­size cardboard cutouts of movie characters? Jenny: Yeah. A girl down the hall from me has some of those in her room. Therapist: From the front, they can look pretty real—­they’re life-­sized, and have lots of detail. From a distance, you might even think it’s a real person. Jenny: Yeah. She’s got Justin Bieber! Therapist: Justin Bieber? (Smiles.) Jenny: For real. She’s got Justin Bieber. I know, right? Therapist: (Chuckles.) That’s actually a good lead-­in to what I was getting at. If we think about Anxious Jenny—­this version of you that is completely organized around fear and anxiety—­it’s like she’s looking at a really scary cardboard cutout right from the front, so it looks like a real threat. So there’s this cutout of someone laughing at you, or a teacher who’s going to criticize you…or Justin Bieber. And this threat is right there, and from the front it looks really real. So she sees this, and gets really scared, and we can understand why. Jenny: (Nods.) Therapist: But imagine that Compassionate Jenny shows up, and she sees how scared Anxious Jenny is getting. Compassionate Jenny is kind, and wise, and courageous—­courageous enough to walk around the room and look closely, seeing the situation from all angles. What would Compassionate Jenny see? What would she understand? Jenny: She’d see that it wasn’t real. She’d see that this scary person isn’t really there, that it isn’t really dangerous. It’s just cardboard. Therapist: Would she understand why Anxious Jenny was so worked up? That from her side, given her experience, it looks really scary? Jenny: Yeah, she would. Therapist: Anxious Jenny is there, reeling off all these scary thoughts: Can’t you see it’s terrible? They’re going to attack us! We can’t handle this! What does Compassionate Jenny think of this? Jenny: Compassionate Jenny wouldn’t think too much about it. She knows that Anxious Jenny is just freaking out because she’s scared. Therapist: That’s it! That’s the wisdom of compassion! So this compassionate version of you can see the thoughts, and can understand where they come from, but can keep from buying into them. If Compassionate Jenny wanted to help Anxious Jenny feel safe, what might she do? If this kind, compassionate, wise version of you were there, what would she say—­what would she want Anxious Jenny to understand? How would you reassure her? Would you tell her to stop being so stupid? (Smiles.) Jenny: (Smiles.) No. (Pauses.) I’d tell her that it’s okay, that these scary people aren’t real, that they only look that way because of where she’s standing. I might give her a hug and then take her by the hand and lead her to the side of the room, so that she could see they’re only cardboard. Therapist: That’s beautiful, Jenny. How do you think Anxious Jenny would feel if you were to do that? Jenny: I think it would help. Therapist: It occurs to me that you also wrote down a lot of really encouraging, compassionate thoughts in the compassionate letter we reviewed last session. Have you reread that at all this week? Jenny: I have, and it really helped. I really liked writing the letter, and reading it helped me calm down when those anxious thoughts were really getting ramped up. I read it before my small group met to work on the project in my communications class that I told you about, and it went pretty well. I even spoke up once or twice. Therapist: Jenny, that’s fantastic! Nice work. I’m proud of you. Jenny: I’m proud of me, too. In the vignette above, we see several aspects of compassionate thought work at play. First, we see a notable absence of Let’s replace that bad thought with this good one. The therapist begins by anchoring the work in Jenny’s ongoing mindfulness practice, and discussing the thoughts from a mindful perspective—­looking at them from the perspective of a curious, nonjudgmental observer. The therapist then introduces the language of “Anxious Jenny,” contextualizing the worrisome thoughts as products of how anxiety organizes the mind—­setting up this anxious version of the self not as an enemy to be criticized or hated, but as a sympathetic figure who is trying to help, but whose limited perspective (characterized via the cardboard cutout metaphor) often prevents her efforts from being truly helpful. The therapist then prompts Jenny to shift into the perspective of the compassionate self, preparing her to connect with more reassuring, helpful ways of thinking that aren’t focused on disputing or arguing with the anxious thoughts, but on soothing the anxious part of her, and broadening her perspective.

The architecture in place, this discussion could then progress to working with thoughts around a specific challenging situation, in which Jenny (from the perspective of her compassionate self) could be prompted to offer encouragement, understanding, guidance, and problem solving around how to meet and work with the situation. In the vignette, this took the form of bridging from the current discussion to the compassionate letter we introduced in the previous chapter, which Jenny had used to help herself work with a situation she’d been dreading. As the vignette closes, we see how this success was able to fuel positive self-­to-­self relating in Jenny, as she spontaneously relates to herself with warmth (“I’m proud of me, too”) rather than criticism.

We don’t have to use the “emotional self” language if we’re not comfortable with it. Instead, we can simply label such thoughts as products of the threat emotions that prompt them: “Sounds like you were having lots of anxious thoughts.” After clients are fairly well acquainted with the Compassionate Self exercise, we can prompt them to shift into this perspective: “What would your wise, kind, confident, compassionate self think about this situation? What might she advise us to do?” Again, the idea isn’t to dispute threat-­driven or self-­critical thoughts. It’s to acknowledge them and facilitate a shift to a gradually deepening compassionate perspective. Let’s explore this a bit further. A primary attribute of the compassionate self is the capacity to think and reason in compassionate ways, and to develop these ways of thinking as habitual patterns of mind. Compassionate ways of thinking and reasoning are anchored in two fundamental objectives: understanding suffering, and helping to address, alleviate, or prevent it. As we help clients understand what compassionate thinking looks like, it can be useful to contrast compassionate ways of thinking with threat-­based ways of thinking: Threat-­Based ThinkingCompassionate Thinking Narrowly focused on the threatBroad, considers many factors in understanding the situation Focused on judging and labelingFocused on understanding Inflexible and ruminativeFlexible, problem-­solves Activates the threat systemActivates the safeness system; helps us to feel comfortable and at peace Directs hostility, fear, or disgust toward others Directs kindness toward others and ourselves and ourselves Judgmental and criticalNoncritical, empathic, and encouraging Focused on avoiding, dominating, or punishingFocused on helping ourselves and others, finding solutions that benefit everyone and harm no one In exploring this contrast with clients, it’s important not to set things up in a threat-­based thinking is bad, compassionate thinking is good sort of way. Familiar with the three circles, clients can understand why the threat system organizes thinking in such narrow, constraining ways—­it’s designed to work that way in the face of immediate physical threats. However, they can come to recognize that in the absence of such threats, there are likely more helpful (or as ACT therapists might say, more workable) ways to understand and approach things. In contrast to threat-­based thinking, compas- sionate thinking often takes the form of asking questions (Gilbert, 2009a): • How does it make sense that I (or he or she) would feel (or think or behave) in this way? • What is triggering my threat system here? What feelings are coming up in me? • How would I understand this situation from the perspective of my kind, wise, confident, compassionate self? • What might help me feel safe so that I can work with this situation more skillfully? • What might be helpful as I tackle this challenge? What resources might help me work with this situation? • How might he or she be making sense of this situation? • What would my compassionate self think (or feel or say or do) in this situation? What would he or she encour- age me to do?

Mentalizing In helping clients emphasize compassionate understanding in their thinking, it can sometimes be helpful to introduce the concept of mentalizing (Fonagy & Luyten, 2009; Liotti & Gilbert, 2011). Mentalizing involves examining actions and emotions by considering what is going on in the mind of the person who is behaving or feeling that way. What are the desires, feelings, needs, beliefs, and motivations reflected in these behaviors? Such consideration puts even frustrating or extreme behaviors into a context that opens the door for compassion—­such as the recognition that the patient who self-­harms does so in a desperate attempt to reduce emotional pain.

Linking Thought Work to Compassionate Understanding As we’re helping clients develop compassionate patterns of thinking and behaving, it can be useful to relate what we’re doing to how things work in the brain—­linking the thought work back to the compassionate understanding we’ve been working to develop. We can prompt clients to consider that everything they do, say, think, or feel is reflected in the activation of corresponding patterns of cells in the brain, and that as these patterns are activated again and again over time, the pattern is strengthened and becomes easier to activate. As neuroscientists say, “Cells that fire together, wire together.” Over time, these connected patterns of cells become so well primed that they can be activated easily—­often without the client’s awareness—­which is why longstanding habits like self-­critical thinking can be so hard to break. The brain patterns underlying them have been strengthened over thousands and thousands of trials. This realization can assist the cultivation of self-­compassion in two ways: First, it can help clients ease up on self-­blame around their failures, as they understand that changing longstanding habits is difficult, not because they are weak or lack willpower, but because of how their brains work. It also helps clarify the way to change—­establishing and strength- ening new patterns in the brain by repeatedly shifting into the perspective of the compassionate self and practicing compassionate thinking, attention, and behavior consistently over time. Let’s take a look at how this might play out in a therapy session, using a “path in the woods” metaphor: Therapist: So we’ve chatted a bit about compassionate thinking and how it organizes us in different ways than anxious, threat-­based thinking. Jenny: (Frowns and looks down.) Therapist: Jenny, it looks like something just happened there for you. Could you tell me a bit about how you’re feeling right now? Jenny: I’m just frustrated. We’ve been talking about this, but these anxious, critical thoughts just keep coming. I try to think more positively but it’s like the anxious thoughts are always there, every time I want to do anything. It’s really discouraging. Therapist: (Leans in; remains silent.) Jenny: It’s like the thoughts are automatic. They just come up, and I get stuck in them. Therapist: It makes sense to me that it would feel discouraging—­some psychologists even call such thoughts automatic thoughts. I’d bet those anxious thoughts kind of are automatic, at this point. Like, in your brain, automatic. Would it be all right if we talked for a bit about why they’re like that? Jenny: (considering) Sure. Therapist: Imagine that there are woods behind my house, and every day for ten years, I walked in these woods—­walking a way that seemed to make sense, the same way every time. Over time, what would happen in the woods, on the ground where I was walking? Jenny: You’d wear in a path. Therapist: I sure would. And when it rains, where would the water run? Jenny: Down the path. Therapist: Exactly. Why would it do that? Would the water choose to run down the path? Jenny: No, it just would. It’s easier for it to run down the path than anywhere else. Like a path of least resistance. Therapist: Exactly. So what if I suggested our brains are like this forest? Every time we think or behave in a certain way, we’re walking a path—­activating a pattern of cells in the brain—­and the more we think or behave that way, the more “worn in” the pattern becomes. The pattern becomes strengthened over time, making it so that it lights up more and more easily. Eventually, it can light up almost automatically—­you think about a social situation, and that self-­critical pattern just lights right up, like a path of least resistance in your brain. So it seems like the self-­critical thoughts just show up automatically. It’s not our fault. It’s just how our brains work. Jenny: (after a thoughtful pause) That makes sense. It sucks, though. Therapist: (Smiles.) It certainly can suck! But it also gives us a clue about how to create change in our lives. Let’s say I was getting tired of that path—­perhaps because every time it rained, the rain ran down the path into my backyard, flooding it. How would I change this, assuming I didn’t want to give up going for walks? Jenny: You’d need to stop walking on the path. You’d need to find some other way to walk. Therapist: Exactly. I’d need to figure out a path that worked better, and walk that way instead. I’d probably forget sometimes, and walk the old path out of habit. So my job would be to try and notice when that happens, and then change over to the new path that goes where I want it to go. Can you see how this applies to those self-­critical and anxious thoughts? Jenny: I think so. They’re the really worn-­in path. Therapist: Yeah. That path is really easy to walk—­automatic, almost—­because it’s been worn in for years. The compassionate thinking path takes more effort. Jenny: It sure does. Therapist: But if I work really hard to notice where I’m walking, and remember to try and walk the new path most of the time, it becomes easier. Over time, the forest starts to look different, doesn’t it? Eventually, the old path erodes, and the new one slowly wears in. But the forest doesn’t change overnight just because I decide I don’t like the old path, does it? It takes consistent effort over time. Jenny: That makes sense. Therapist: Over time, if I make effort to consistently walk a new way, the new path will wear in—­it’s just how it works. So if I find myself accidentally walking the old path out of habit, what’s the best thing to do? I mean, besides getting really mad at myself? (Smiles and speaks warmly.) You know I’m joking, right? Jenny: (Smiles.) I get it. No, you’d want to just stop, and go over to the new path. Therapist: Exactly. This is the reason for the approach we’re taking with these anxious and critical thoughts. We want to increase mindfulness so that you notice when they come up—­when you are walking the old path out of habit… Jenny: (Nods.) Therapist: …so you can shift over and walk that new path, over and over, to strengthen brain patterns associated with compassionate ways of thinking. So that compassion becomes the path of least resistance. We’re not arguing with the anxious or critical thoughts. We’re just noticing that old pattern, letting go of it, and shifting over to strengthen the new one. What do you think about that? Jenny: Sounds good. It makes sense, anyway. Therapist: Let’s think about a situation in which those old, anxious patterns show up. This group project you have in your communications class is ongoing, correct? Jenny: (Cringes a bit.) Yeah…we’re meeting twice per week for the next two weeks. Therapists: Sounds like although you did well at the last meeting, you’re still not really looking forward to it. Do those anxious thought patterns come up before the meetings? Jenny: (still cringing a bit) Yeah. I still get really anxious about it. Therapist: What are some thoughts that come up? Jenny: That it’s going to be awful. That I’ll look stupid. Just running through all the different ways it could go wrong in my head. Therapist: So that’s the old path. Let’s work on what the new path would look like. Let’s imagine that we’ve mindfully noticed those thoughts and let them go. Now, let’s shift into the kind, wise, confident perspective of your compassionate self. We’ll start with thirty seconds or so of soothing rhythm breathing…slowing down the body…slowing down the mind. Jenny: (Shifts in her seat a bit, closes her eyes, and slows her breathing.) Therapist: (Waits thirty seconds to one minute.) Now imagining being filled with kindness, wisdom, and courage as you shift into the perspective of the compassionate self. This is the part of you that wrote that compassionate letter—­the part that sees how hard it is for you to do things like that group activity, and wants to encourage you and help you feel safe. Give me a little nod when you feel like you’ve been able to connect a bit with that compassionate perspective. Jenny: (Waits a few moments; nods.) Therapist: What would this compassionate version of you think, as you prepare to go to the group meeting? How would you extend kindness and encouragement to the part of you that’s so anxious? As this compassionate self, what would you say? Jenny: I’d say that this is really hard, but I’ve done this before, and I can do it again. Therapist: What are some other things you’d say from this compassionate perspective? Jenny: That I’m not alone. There are other people in the group who seem to like me, people I like being around. I’d tell myself that I’m stronger than I think. I’d remind myself that when I spoke up last week, nothing terrible happened. That I can do this. Therapist: How does it feel to hear yourself saying these things? Jenny: It feels good. Kind of fake, but good. Therapist: Does it make sense that the new path would take a while before it felt as easy and natural as the old one? Jenny: It does. I need to remind myself of that. Therapist: How would your compassionate self remind you of that, when the compassionate thoughts feel a little fake? Jenny: She’d say that it’s because it’s a whole new way of thinking. Of course it wouldn’t feel as natural as the old path. Therapist: Exactly! It sounds like your compassionate self is figuring some things out. Jenny: (Smiles.) She’s trying. At first, clients can become demoralized when the voices of the critical or threat-­based selves seem so much more powerful than the new, compassionate ways of thinking. The idea is to provide clients with a context for understanding why this is so. This can even provide the basis for compas- sionate sympathy (“It’s really difficult for me that these anxious thoughts come up so automatically”). Given such a context, clients can see the power of shifting into a compassionate perspective again and again—­both for developing compassionate ways of thinking in the present moment, and for strengthening the underlying neural architecture that can make these ways of thinking more likely to arise in the future.

SUMMARY In this chapter, we’ve explored ways to help clients apply compassion to their thinking and reason- ing. The idea is to cultivate compassionate ways of thinking so that over time, such compassionate thoughts will spontaneously arise more and more often. We’ll continue to explore how clients can relate compassionately to their struggles in the next chapter, which focuses on compassionate imagery.