结论

202Conclusion Whether you picked up this book in the hope of learning to formally practice CFT as a cohesive therapy approach, or simply wanted to add some new tools and perspectives to your existing treat- ment approach, I hope you’ve found something of use. Compassion offers powerful tools for helping clients to overcome shame, and relate to their struggles with warmth, courage, encouragement, and the commitment to build better lives. I’ve attempted to organize and present CFT as a collection of layered processes and practices: the roles embodied in the therapeutic relationship; a compassionate understanding of the human condition based in an understanding of evolution, affective neuroscience, attachment, and behav- ioral science; the cultivation of a mindful awareness; and the purposeful development of compas- sion and compassionate strengths. When CFT is at its best, these various layers deepen, strengthen, and reinforce one another. While we can choose to select certain practices and techniques and use them in isolation, I’d encourage you to consider all of these layers, and how you might weave them into the therapy process. As we began, let’s end by reminding ourselves of the price of admission: if we’re going to have human lives, we’re going to face pain and suffering. We’ll all face difficulties, disappointments, chal- lenges, and grief. It’s understandable that we (and our clients) wouldn’t want to face these things—­ we’d often prefer to turn away and avoid the things that make us uncomfortable. But that doesn’t work, because in organizing our lives around minimizing discomfort, we shut ourselves off from many of the things that can make them deeply meaningful. We can build our lives around endless efforts to stay comfortable, or we can make them about pursuing goals and relationships that are deeply important to us and imbue us with meaning, safeness, fulfillment, and joy. But we can’t do both. Compassion gives us a way to turn toward the things that scare us—­with kindness, wisdom, and courage—­and to work with them. When we stop trying to avoid discomfort, we can turn toward suffering and look deeply into it, so we can come to understand the causes and conditions that create it—­perhaps even learning enough to help make things better.CFT Made Simple Perhaps most of all, compassion involves courage: the courage to let our hearts break. But here’s the thing: our hearts are going to break anyway. Bad things sometimes happen in life, and we all have to find ways to work with them. Remember, it’s the price of admission to have a human life. The question is this: What are we going to do when that happens? Will we close ourselves off, or open our- selves up? What if we accept this pain and occasional heartbreak as simply part of what it costs to have an amazing life? What if we consider what that kind, wise, courageous, compassionate version of us would do? What if we let ourselves care, connecting with likeminded others to support one another in the courageous work of making positive change in our lives, and in the world? Let’s keep our- selves pointed toward the things that are important to us, help our clients do the same, and keep going. This is compassion.