第四部分 培训小组练习

第四部分：促进改变的附加技能

第17章：正常化

1. 正常化的实践案例

对于以下每个案例描述，单独工作，设计并写下合适的咨询师正常化陈述。记住，正常化可以灌输希望和乐观。

a. 一位成功的职业女性最近退休了。她现在对生活感到厌倦，没有兴趣，认为自己是个失败者。

• 正常化陈述：很多退休的人都会有类似的感受，这很正常。退休后的生活需要适应，您可以尝试新的爱好或活动，慢慢地找回生活的乐趣。

b. 一位二十多岁的男性以前享受单身生活，最近与朋友搬进了同居关系。他感到困惑，因为他爱他的朋友，希望继续这段关系，但他感到压抑，无法做他想为自己做的事情。

• 正常化陈述：很多人在开始同居关系时都会有这样的感受。这是一段新的旅程，需要时间和沟通来适应。您可以和您的朋友一起探讨如何平衡个人空间和共同生活。

c. 一位小孩的父亲说，他和他的伴侣（孩子的母亲）在管理孩子行为方面遇到困难，彼此关于如何教育孩子发生争执。在咨询过程中发现，父亲自己的家庭非常随和，从未使用过体罚。然而，他的伴侣的家庭相信严格的规则，并对不服从的行为使用体罚。

• 正常化陈述：不同的家庭背景会导致不同的育儿观念，这是很常见的。您和您的伴侣可以通过沟通找到一个双方都能接受的方法，既尊重孩子的个性，又维护家庭的和谐。

d. 一位中年女性无法工作或睡觉，不明白自己出了什么问题。在咨询过程中发现，最近几周有三位近亲去世。她自己担心自己是否有肠癌，并避免寻求医疗建议。

• 正常化陈述：失去亲人后感到焦虑和失眠是很正常的反应。您可以考虑寻求专业的医疗帮助，以确保自己的健康状况。同时，也可以通过心理咨询来处理失去亲人的悲痛。

e. 在失业率非常高的时期，一位50岁的前高级主管九个月前被裁员，他说他一直找不到工作。他感到极度抑郁，失去了动力，觉得自己是个失败者。

• 正常化陈述：在经济不景气的时候，找工作确实很难。很多人都会有类似的感受。您可以尝试更新简历，参加职业培训，或者寻求职业指导，逐步恢复信心。

2. 正常化之后的跟进

完成上一项练习后，在整个培训小组中进行以下工作：

a. 与小组其他成员讨论你的正常化陈述。 b. 对于第一项练习中的每个陈述，讨论小组中寻求帮助的人在使用正常化回应后可能需要解决的问题。

第18章：使用“此时此刻”的体验

1. 反馈陈述

单独工作，写出适当的反馈陈述，代替第154-155页示例1、3和4中的不当陈述。同时为以下情况a、b、c和d写出反馈陈述。当所有小组成员完成答案后，与小组讨论你的反馈陈述。在讨论中，识别每种情况下寻求帮助的人可能出现的结果。

a. 该人不断偏离看似重要的问题，引入新的、不相关的内容。

• 反馈陈述：我注意到您提到了很多新的内容，但似乎避开了我们正在讨论的核心问题。您可以尝试更直接地表达您的感受和想法吗？

b. 该人继续关注责怪他人的行为，而不是探讨自己解决问题的选项。

• 反馈陈述：我理解您对他人行为的不满，但我们可以一起探讨一下您自己有哪些可以采取的行动，以改善当前的状况。

c. 该人不断寻求咨询师的认同，似乎无法信任自己的决定。

• 反馈陈述：我理解您希望得到我的支持，但您也有自己的判断力。我们可以一起分析一下您的决定，看看哪些是合理的，哪些可能需要调整。

d. 该人反复谈论过去的问题，而不是关注当前的情况。

• 反馈陈述：过去的经历对您有很大影响，但我们现在更关注的是如何解决当前的问题。您可以分享一下您目前最关心的事情是什么吗？

第19章：对抗

1. 对抗陈述

为以下示例写出合适的咨询师对抗陈述：

a. 寻求帮助的人告诉咨询师他非常渴望接受咨询帮助，但每次预约都迟到最多半小时。

• 对抗陈述：您非常渴望接受咨询帮助，这很好。但频繁迟到可能会影响我们的咨询效果。您可以尝试提前规划好时间，确保准时到达。

b. 寻求帮助的人多次明确表示她是来处理童年受虐的创伤后遗症的。然而，每次她来咨询时，都会通过引入一系列其他不相关的问题来避开谈论受虐。

• 对抗陈述：我理解谈论受虐的经历让您感到不适，但这是我们咨询的重要部分。您可以尝试更直接地表达您的感受，这样我们才能更好地帮助您。

c. 寻求帮助的人承认推打妻子，但最小化这种行为，并将其归咎于妻子，称她挑衅。他不认为自己需要为自己的行为负责。

• 对抗陈述：我理解您认为妻子的行为激怒了您，但推打妻子是不可接受的。我们需要探讨您如何更好地管理自己的情绪，以及如何为自己的行为负责。

d. 当咨询师反映她看到的愤怒的非言语行为时，寻求帮助的人否认自己生气，但仍看起来和听起来很生气，并做出表明她生气的陈述。

• 对抗陈述：我注意到您虽然否认自己生气，但您的表情和语气仍然显得很愤怒。我们可以一起探讨一下您为什么会有这种感觉，以及如何更好地处理它。

e. 尽管寻求帮助的人没有受到任何威胁，但他以一种无力的受害者姿态回应他人，而不是坚定地表达自己的需求。

• 对抗陈述：我理解您感到无助，但您可以尝试更坚定地表达自己的需求。这样不仅能帮助您获得支持，也能增强您的自信心。

2. 对抗的结果

完成上一项练习后，在培训小组中讨论你提出的对抗陈述。在讨论中，考虑特定对抗陈述对寻求帮助的人和咨询关系的可能影响。

第20章：挑战自我毁灭性信念

1. 用更有益的信念替换自我毁灭性信念

单独工作，用更有益的信念替换以下自我毁灭性信念。小组成员完成后，讨论你们的建议。

a. 其他人应该总是同意我。

• 更有益的信念：每个人都有自己的观点，我可以尊重他们的不同意见。

b. 我应该能够期望人们可靠且值得信赖。

• 更有益的信念：人们的行为各不相同，我可以选择与那些可靠的人建立更紧密的关系。

c. 其他人应该总是尊重我。

• 更有益的信念：尊重是相互的，我可以主动展示对他人的尊重，从而赢得他们的尊重。

d. 我永远不应该被看到犯错。

• 更有益的信念：犯错是成长的一部分，我可以从中学习并改进自己。

e. 我需要时刻保持控制，否则我会感到受到威胁。

• 更有益的信念：放松和放手也是生活的一部分，我可以学会在适当的时候放松自己。

f. 其他人应该关心我的需求。

• 更有益的信念：我可以主动表达自己的需求，与他人建立更深层次的连接。

g. 我需要他人的认可才能感觉良好。

• 更有益的信念：自我价值来自内在，我可以学会自我认可和自我接纳。

h. 由于过去的创伤，我不能像其他人那样享受生活。

• 更有益的信念：过去的经历可以成为成长的动力，我可以逐步克服创伤，享受生活。

i. 我应该按照别人希望的方式行事。

• 更有益的信念：我可以根据自己的价值观和目标作出决策，不必完全迎合他人的期望。

j. 人们永远不应该不耐烦。

• 更有益的信念：每个人都有不耐烦的时候，我可以理解并宽容他人的不耐烦。

k. 如果其他人拒绝我，我会感到难过。

• 更有益的信念：拒绝是人际交往中的一部分，我可以从中学习并改进自己。

l. 我必须一直努力工作。

• 更有益的信念：适度的休息和放松同样重要，我可以合理安排工作和休息的时间。

m. 如果我只是等待，事情会自行解决。

• 更有益的信念：积极采取行动可以更快地解决问题，我可以主动寻找解决方案。

n. 当别人要求我帮忙时，我必须总是帮助他们。

• 更有益的信念：我可以根据自己的能力和意愿选择是否提供帮助。

o. 我绝不能拒绝邀请。

• 更有益的信念：我可以根据自己的情况和需求选择接受或拒绝邀请。

p. 其他人应该欣赏我所做的事情。

• 更有益的信念：我可以为自己取得的成就感到自豪，不必过分依赖他人的赞赏。

2. 探索个人的自我毁灭性信念

每位小组成员都要思考一个有时困扰他们的自我毁灭性信念。这可以是一个“应该”、“必须”、“应当”或“不得不”信念，或一个不切实际的期望。然后，两人一组工作，伙伴使用他们认为有用的策略，鼓励他们质疑这一信念的有用性，并帮助他们用更有益的信念替换它。之后，学员们要在培训小组中讨论他们的体验。

第21章：外化

1. 外化练习

两人一组工作，一人扮演寻求帮助的人，另一人扮演咨询师，练习使用外化技巧。寻求帮助的人选择一个他们可能视为个性一部分的真实问题（例如，“我是一个拖延者”），咨询师则帮助寻求帮助的人将问题外化（例如，“我被拖延困扰”）。然后，咨询师可以向寻求帮助的人提出一系列问题，类似于第175页描述的问题，其中一些问题涉及问题如何成功地干扰了他们的生活，另一些问题则集中在他们成功控制问题的时刻。

完成角色扮演后，寻求帮助的人和咨询师要一起讨论这次体验，然后在全组培训中讨论外化。

2. 外化访谈（改编自Roth和Epston, 1996年的练习）

找一个伙伴两人一组工作，轮流扮演以下角色：

a. 外化的问题 b. 记者

扮演外化问题的人需要想出一个以前限制他们生活的单一可识别问题（例如，恐惧、噩梦、迟到、酗酒、抑郁、内疚或愤怒）。首先，他们给问题起个名字（例如，“蛇”），然后描述它的物理特征（它是滑溜溜的，很难抓住）。接下来，他们要扮演问题的角色，仿佛他们是问题，使用“I”陈述（例如，“我是蛇”）。记者随后采访问题，探讨问题与人的关系——这可以采用电视采访的形式，将问题视为一个对人的生活产生影响但现在已经过时的老客人或名人，记者会问问题，探讨问题的未来。

访谈分为两个阶段。在第一阶段，记者使用第176页上的问题，探讨问题如何成功地困扰了这个人。在第二阶段，记者使用第177页上的问题，探讨问题如何难以继续困扰这个人。

完成练习后，学员们要在培训小组中讨论这次练习的体验，特别注意对咨询可能有用的信息。

第23章：探索两极性

请参见第27章的培训小组练习，了解探索两极性的练习。

第24章：重构

1. 重构练习

单独工作，为以下例子写出重构。

a. 我十几岁的女儿让我非常失望。我以为她到这个年龄时，我们俩会成为好朋友，会花很多时间在一起。现在她只想做自己的事。对我来说，我只是无关紧要的。

• 重构：我的女儿正在经历青少年期的变化，她需要独立的空间。我们可以找到新的方式来建立联系，比如共同参与她感兴趣的活动。

b. 我丈夫干涉我做的每一件事。我刚一动手做事，他就过来接管。我开始觉得我一定是个无能的笨蛋，什么事情都做不好。

• 重构：我的丈夫可能只是出于关心，但他的行为让我感到无助。我们可以一起讨论如何更好地合作和支持对方。

c. “别抽鼻子，站直了，别迟到，要有礼貌”，这是我从妈妈那里听到的全部。她说她爱我，但我认为她已经不再喜欢我了。

• 重构：妈妈可能只是希望我能更好，她的批评反映了她的关心。我可以尝试与她沟通，表达我的感受和需求。

d. 我不知道为什么经理总是针对我。每当有难办的工作或难缠的客户时，她总是把工作交给我。她显然是想让我的生活尽可能艰难。

• 重构：经理可能认为我在这些任务上有优势，我可以主动与她沟通，了解她的期望，并寻求更多的支持和资源。

e. 我完全精疲力尽，意识到自己非常愚蠢。几个月内，我彻底重新装修了我的房子，写了多篇待发表的期刊文章，同时在一份非常繁重的工作中全职工作。每个周末，我都驱车200公里去看望临终的哥哥，还组织了一个社区项目。我似乎无法停止强迫性地工作。我对无法放松和享受生活感到非常沮丧。

• 重构：我承担了很多责任，这让我感到疲惫不堪。我可以尝试合理安排时间，确保有足够的休息和放松，以维持身心健康。

f. 我的朋友告诉我，我很蠢，因为我继续和一个对我非常冷淡的女朋友交往。也许他们是对的！

• 重构：我有权选择自己的关系，但我也需要考虑自己的幸福。我可以与女朋友坦诚沟通，表达我的感受和期望。

2. 重构的效果讨论

完成上一项练习后，与你的培训小组讨论你提出的重构建议。讨论应包括以下内容：

• 重构可能对寻求帮助的人产生的影响：

  • 重构可以帮助个体从不同的角度看待问题，减轻负面情绪，增强自信心。
  • 重构可以促进个体与他人的有效沟通，改善人际关系。

• 如果寻求帮助的人接受了重构，咨询过程可能如何继续：

  • 咨询师可以进一步探讨个体如何具体实施重构后的信念，提供实用的建议和支持。
  • 咨询师可以鼓励个体设定具体的目标，逐步实现改变。

• 如果寻求帮助的人拒绝了重构，咨询过程可能如何继续：

  • 咨询师可以理解个体的疑虑，继续探索其背后的原因，找到其他可行的解决方案。
  • 咨询师可以提供更多的支持和耐心，帮助个体逐步建立新的认知模式。

第25章：做决定

1. 决策

安静地坐在你的培训小组中，回想一个你曾经做过的困难决定。写下你做决定的方式及其结果的简要总结。特别是，试着确定你在做决定时失去了什么，获得了什么。思考这个特定决定时，你是否学到了有关决策的任何东西？ 当所有小组成员完成任务后，进行一次关于决策过程的小组讨论——哪些方法有效，哪些方法无效？

2. 关于决策的咨询实践

两人一组工作，一人扮演咨询师，另一人扮演寻求帮助的人。寻求帮助的人最好提出一个涉及选择的问题。实习咨询师可以使用本章描述的过程，帮助寻求帮助的人探索他们的选择，朝着做出决定的方向前进。 完成练习后，在培训小组中讨论这次体验。

第26章：促进行动

1. 行动计划

两人一组工作，一人扮演咨询师，另一人扮演寻求帮助的人。寻求帮助的人要思考他们希望改变但未能成功改变的行为。咨询师应邀请寻求帮助的人准备一个行动计划，并与他们一起制定该计划。所有小组成员完成任务后，应在培训小组中讨论这次体验。

第27章：体验式咨询技能

在做以下练习时，最好准备各种大小、形状、状态、颜色和图案的靠垫。如果没有靠垫，可以用彩色纸张，包括有各种图案的纸张，代替靠垫。

1. 与主角对话

两人一组工作，一人扮演寻求帮助的人，另一人扮演咨询师，使用本章描述的体验过程，帮助寻求帮助的人与他们有关系困难的人进行对话。完成这个过程后，与整个培训小组讨论你的体验和所学到的东西。

2. 探索两极性

单独工作，将一张纸分成两栏。在左栏中列出你的优点，在右栏中列出相反的特征。使用这个列表来发现你内心的两极性。接下来，从你的列表中选择你希望在体验练习中探索的两极性。轮流与你的伙伴扮演咨询师和寻求帮助的人，按照本章描述的方法探索两极性。完成体验练习后，与整个培训小组讨论你的体验和从练习中学到的任何东西。

3. 在多个选项中做出选择

首先，单独工作，花几分钟时间思考一个你需要做出的决定，最好是涉及多个选项的决定。然后，两人一组工作，轮流让一个人扮演寻求帮助的人，另一个人扮演咨询师，使用本章描述的体验过程，帮助寻求帮助的人在可用的选项中做出选择。完成体验练习后，与培训小组讨论你的体验和从练习中学到的任何东西。

本章知识点阐述

进一步阐述知识点

1. 正常化的意义

• 灌输希望和乐观：正常化是一种有效的咨询技术，通过让寻求帮助的人认识到他们的感受和问题是正常的，从而减少他们的孤独感和羞愧感，增强他们的希望和乐观。
• 适应新生活：对于退休、失业等情况，正常化可以帮助个体认识到这是生活的一部分，需要时间和适应，从而逐步恢复生活的积极性。

2. 正常化后的跟进

• 讨论和反思：在正常化之后，咨询师需要与寻求帮助的人进一步讨论，帮助他们认识到问题的本质，并探讨解决方法。
• 解决问题：通过讨论，可以帮助个体识别并解决实际问题，如家庭冲突、职业发展等。

3. 使用“此时此刻”的体验

• 即时反馈：通过即时反馈，咨询师可以帮助个体更直接地表达自己的感受和想法，从而更好地理解自己的内心世界。
• 关注当前：鼓励个体关注当前的问题，而不是陷入过去的回忆或未来的担忧，有助于提高解决问题的效率。

4. 对抗的意义

• 促进自我反思：对抗是一种帮助个体认识到自身问题的技术，通过直接指出问题，促使个体进行自我反思和改变。
• 增强责任感：通过对抗，可以帮助个体意识到自己的行为和责任，从而更好地管理自己的情绪和行为。
• 维护咨询关系：对抗需要谨慎使用，以避免破坏咨询关系。咨询师应确保对抗的方式温和而有力，使个体感到被支持而不是被指责。

总结

正常化、使用“此时此刻”的体验和对抗都是咨询中的重要技术，旨在帮助个体更好地理解和解决自己的问题。通过这些技术，咨询师可以有效地引导个体，帮助他们恢复信心，改善生活质量。在实践中，咨询师需要根据具体情况灵活运用这些技术，以达到最佳的咨询效果。

进一步阐述知识点

1. 挑战自我毁灭性信念

• 自我毁灭性信念的危害：这些信念可能导致个体陷入消极情绪，影响心理健康和生活质量。
• 重构的重要性：通过用更有益的信念替换自我毁灭性信念，个体可以逐渐摆脱负面思维，重建积极的生活态度。

2. 外化

• 外化的意义：外化是一种将问题视为独立实体的技巧，帮助个体从问题中抽离出来，客观地看待问题。
• 外化的过程：通过外化，个体可以更清晰地认识问题的本质，找到解决问题的新方法。

3. 重构

• 重构的目的：重构是为了帮助个体从不同的角度看待问题，减轻负面情绪，增强解决问题的能力。
• 重构的方法：通过重新解释事件的意义，个体可以建立起更积极的信念，从而改善情绪和行为。

总结

挑战自我毁灭性信念、外化和重构都是咨询中的重要技术，旨在帮助个体更好地理解和解决自己的问题。通过这些技术，咨询师可以有效地引导个体，帮助他们恢复信心，改善生活质量。在实践中，咨询师需要根据具体情况灵活运用这些技术，以达到最佳的咨询效果。

进一步阐述知识点

1. 做决定

• 决策的重要性：决策是生活中不可避免的一部分，好的决策能力可以帮助个体更好地应对生活中的挑战。
• 决策过程：
  • 回顾和总结：通过回顾过去的决策，个体可以更好地理解自己的决策风格，识别成功和失败的经验。
  • 利弊分析：在做决策时，明确自己失去和获得的东西，可以帮助个体更全面地评估决策的影响。
  • 学习与反思：通过反思决策过程，个体可以不断改进自己的决策能力，提升应对复杂情况的能力。

2. 关于决策的咨询实践

• 角色扮演：通过角色扮演，咨询师可以模拟真实情境，帮助寻求帮助的人更好地理解自己的选择。
• 探索选项：咨询师可以引导寻求帮助的人全面考虑各种选项，帮助他们找到最适合自己的解决方案。
• 决策支持：咨询师可以提供支持和建议，帮助寻求帮助的人增强决策的信心和能力。

3. 促进行动

• 行动计划：制定具体的行动计划可以帮助个体将目标转化为实际步骤，提高行动的可行性。
• 行为改变：通过制定和执行行动计划，个体可以逐步改变不良行为，实现自我提升。
• 咨询支持：咨询师可以提供必要的支持和指导，帮助个体克服障碍，实现目标。

4. 体验式咨询技能

• 与主角对话：通过与关系困难的人进行对话，个体可以更好地理解对方的立场和感受，促进关系的改善。
• 探索两极性：通过探索内心的两极性，个体可以更全面地认识自己，发现潜在的资源和力量。
• 在多个选项中做出选择：通过体验式的练习，个体可以在实际情境中练习决策，提高决策的灵活性和有效性。

总结

做决定、促进行动和体验式咨询技能都是咨询中的重要技术，旨在帮助个体更好地理解和解决自己的问题。通过这些技术，咨询师可以有效地引导个体，帮助他们恢复信心，改善生活质量。在实践中，咨询师需要根据具体情况灵活运用这些技术，以达到最佳的咨询效果。

TRAINING GROUP EXERCISES RELATING TO PART 4: ADDITIONAL SKILLS FOR PROMOTING CHANGE Chapter 17: Normalising 1 Practice examples for normalising Working individually for each of the case descriptions below, devise and write down suitable counsellor normalising statements. Remember that normalising can instil hope and optimism. a An elderly lady who had a successful career has recently retired. She is now bored with Life, has no interests and sees herself as a failure. b A man in his twenties who has previously enjoyed a single Life has recently moved into a close live-in relationship with a friend. He is confused because he says that he loves his friend and wants to continue the relationship. However, he feels claustrophobic and unable to do the things that he would Like to do for himself, c The father of a young child says that he and his partner (the child's mother) are having difficulty managing the child's behaviour and are arguing with each other about how to parent the child. It has emerged in the counselling process that the father's own family of origin was very easygoing and that physical punishment was never used. However, his partner's family of origin believed in the use of strict rules with physical punishment for disobedience. d A middle-aged woman is unable to work or sleep and cannot understand what the matter is'. In counselling it transpires that there have been three deaths of near relatives in recent weeks. She herself worries about whether she has bowel cancer and is avoiding seeking medical advice. e Ina time of very high unemployment a 50-year-old, who was retrenched as a senior executive nine months ago, says that he has been unable to find employment. He feels deeply depressed, has lost his motivation and feels a failure. 2 Following up after normalising After completing the previous exercise, work in your whole training group to: a discuss your normalising statements with other members of the group b for each of the statements in the first exercise, discuss in the group what issues might need to be addressed by the person seeking help after the normalising response has been used. Chapter 18: Using the here and now' experience 1 Feedback statements Working individually, write down appropriate feedback statements in place of the inappropriate statements given in examples 1, 3 and 4, on page 154-5. Also write down feedback statements for the situations a. b, c and d below. When all group members have completed their answers, discuss your feedback statements with the group. In the discussion, identify possible outcomes in each case for the person seeking help. a b c d _he person continually deflects away from what seems to be an important issue by introducing new, unrelated material The person continues to focus on blaming the behaviour of others instead of exploring their own options for addressing the situation. The person continually seeks the counsellors approval and seems unable to trust their own decisions. The person repetitively talks about past issues rather than focusing on their present situation. Chapter 19: Confrontation 1 Confrontation statements Write suitable counsellor statements of confrontation for the following examples: a The person seeking help tells the counsellor that he is very keen to receive counselling help but repeatedly arrives for appointments up to three-quarters of an hour late. b _he person seeking help has made it clear on several occasions that she is coming to counselling to address the post-traumatic effects of abuse during her childhood. However, each time she arrives for counselling she deflects away from talking about the abuse by introducing a range of other unrelated issues. c _he person seeking help admits to pushing and slapping his wife but minimises this behaviour and blames her for his behaviour, saying that she is provocative. He doesn't see that he needs to take responsibility for what he does. d When the counsellor reflects back what she sees as angry non-verbal behaviour, the person seeking help denies being angry but continues to look and sound angry, and to make statements which suggest that she is angry, e Although the person seeking help does not appear to be under any threat he is responding to others from a disempowered, victim, 'poor me' position instead of being assertive in letting others know about his needs. 2 Outcome of confrontation After completion of the previous exercise, discuss your suggested confrontation statements in your training group. In this discussion, consider the likely effect of particular confrontation statements on the person seeking help and on the counselling relationship.

Chapter 20: Challenging self-destructive beliefs 1 Practice in replacing self-destructive beliefs with more helpful beliefs Working individually, replace the self-destructive beliefs below with more helpful beliefs. After group members have finished doing this, discuss your suggestions in the group. a b c d e f Other people should always agree with me. I should be able to expect that people will be reliable and trustworthy, Other people should always respect me. I should never be seen to make mistakes. I need to be in control all the time or I will feel threatened, Other people should care about my needs. h i j k L m n o p 2 I need other people's approval to feel OK. As a result of past trauma I can't enjoy life like other people. I should do what other people want me to do. People should never be impatient. I will feel bad if other people reject me. I must work hard all the time. Things will sort themselves out if I just wait. i must always help other people when they ask me to. I must never refuse invitations. Other people should appreciate what I do. Exploring personal self-destructive beliefs Each group member is to think of a self-destructive belief that sometimes troubles them. This can be either a should, must, ought or have-to belief, or an unrealistic expectation. Then, working in pairs, their partner is to use whatever strategy they think useful to encourage them to question the usefulness of the belief and to enable them to replace it with a more helpful belief. After this, trainees are to discuss their experiences with the training group. Chapter 21: Externalising 1 Externalising practice Work in pairs, with one person acting as a person seeking help and the other as the counsellor, to practise the use of externalising. The 'person seeking help' is to choose a real problem that they may see as part of their personality (e.g. I am a procrastinator), and the 'counsellor' is to help the 'person seeking help' externalise the problem (e.g. I am troubled by procrastination). The counsellor can then ask the person seeking help a series of questions, similar to those described on page 175, where some of these questions relate to the way the problem has had success in interfering in the person's life and others focus on times when the person has had success in controlling the problem. After completing the role-play, the 'person seeking help’ and the 'counsellor' are to discuss the experience together, and then have a discussion regarding externalising in the whole training group. 2 The externalising interview (adapted from an exercise described by Roth and Epston, 1996) Find a partner to work in pairs, and take turns to play the roles of: a an externalised problem b a reporter. _he person playing the role of the externalised problem has to think of a single identifiable problem that has previously restricted their life (e.g. fear, nightmares, tardiness, alcoholism, depression, guilt or rage). Firstly, they are to give the problem a name (e.g, 'the snake') and then describe it physically (it is slippery, so difficult to catch hold of). Next they are to take on the role of the problem and speak as though they are the problem using i statements (e.g. 'I am the snake'). _he reporter then interviews the problem about its relationship with the person - this can be in a TV interview style that treats the problem as an ageing guest or a celebrity who has been influential in the persons life but is now past its prime and wonders what the future holds for it. “here are two stages to the interview. In the first stage the reporter uses questions such as those on page 176 which explore how the problem has had success in troubling the person. In the second stage the reporter uses questions such as those on page 177 which explore how the problem is having difficulty in continuing to trouble the person. After completing the exercise, trainees are to discuss their experience of this exercise with their training group, drawing attention to information that might be useful when counselling. Chapter 23: Exploring polarities See the Chapter 27 training group exercises for an exercise that explores polarities. Chapter 24: Reframing 1 Reframing practice Working individually, write down reframes for the examples below. a b c d e f 2 My teenage daughter is a great disappointment to me. I thought that when she reached this age she and I would be good friends and would spend lots of time together. All she wants now is to do her own thing. I'm just irrelevant as far as she's concerned. My husband interferes in everything I do. [just need to start doing something and he's there, taking over. I'm starting to think that I must bean incompetent idiot who isn't capable of doing anything for myself, 'Don't sniff, stand up straight, don't be late, be polite', that's all I hear from Mum. She says she loves me but I don't think that she even likes me anymore. I don't know why the manager picks on me all the time. Whenever there is a difficult job to do or a difficult customer to deal with she always gives the work to me. She's obviously trying to make my life as difficult as possible. I'm totally exhausted and realise I've been very stupid. In just a few months, I've completely redecorated my house, and written several journal articles for publication, while working full-time in a very demanding job. I've driven 200 kilometres and back to see my dying brother most weekends, and organised a group project for the Local community. I seem to be unable to stop working compulsively. I feel really depressed by my inability to relax and enjoy life. My friends tell me that I'm completely stupid because I keep going out with my girlfriend who treats me in a very offhand way. Maybe they're right! Group discussion on the effect of reframes After completing the previous exercise, discuss your suggested reframes with your training giro Up. The discussion should include consideration of the following: • • the effect the various reframes might have on the person seeking help suggestions about how the counselling process might continue if the reframe was accepted, and also if the reframe was rejected, by the person seeking help.

Chapter 25: Making decisions 1 Decision-making Sit quietly in your training group and think of a difficult decision that you have made at some time. Write down a brief summary of the way you made the decision and the outcome as a result of your choice. In particular, try to identify what it was you lost, and what you gained, when you made your decision. Was there anything that you learnt about decision-making as a result of thinking about this particular decision? When all group members have finished the task, have a group discussion on decision­ making processes - what seems to work well, and what doesn't? 2 Counselling practice with regard to decision-making Work in pairs with one person as counsellor and the other as a person seeking help. The person seeking help should preferably present a real problem that involves a choice between alternatives. The trainee counsellor can use the process described in the chapter to help the person seeking help explore their options and move towards making a decision. After the exercise, discuss the experience in your training group. Chapter 26: Facilitating action 1 Action plan Work in pairs with one person acting as counsellor and the other as a person seeking help. The person seeking help is to think of some behaviour of theirs that they would like to change but haven't succeeded in changing. The counsellor is to invite the person seeking help to prepare an action plan and to work with them in developing that plan. After all group members have finished this task, they are to discuss the experience in the training group. Chapter 27: Experiential counselling skills When doing the exercises below it will be advantageous to have an assortment of cushions available in a variety of sizes, shapes, conditions, colours and patterns. If cushions are not available, coloured sheets of paper, including those which have various patterns on them, can be used in place of cushions. 1 Dialogue with a protagonist Working in pairs, with one person acting as the person seeking help and the other as the counsellor, use an experiential process as described in this chapter to enable the person seeking help to dialogue with someone they are having relationship difficulties with. After the conclusion of this process discuss your experience, and what you have learnt, with your whole training group. 2 Exploring polarities Working individually, divide a sheet of paper into two columns. In the left-hand column write a list of your strengths and in the right hand column a list of the opposite characteristics. Use this list to discover polarities within yourself. Next, choose from your list the polarities you would like to explore in an experiential exercise. Take turns with your partner to act as the counsellor and the person seeking help to explore polarities as described in this chapter. After completing the experiential exercise, discuss your experience and anything you might have Learned from the exercise with your whole training group. 3 Making a choice between alternatives First, working individually, spend a few moments thinking about a decision you have to make, which preferably involves deciding between several alternatives. Then, working in pairs, taking it in turns for one person to act as the person seeking help and the other as counsellor, use an experiential process as described in this chapter to help the person seeking help make a choice between the alternatives available to them. After completing the experiential exercise, discuss your experience and anything you might have learned from the exercise with your training group.