27. 体验性咨询技能

体验式咨询技巧

介绍

本书前几章描述的咨询技巧主要集中在使用语言咨询技巧上。通过这些技巧，寻求帮助的人和咨询师坐在一起，进行咨询对话。我们在自己的实践中发现这些技巧非常有用，并且认为新咨询师在考虑学习使用体验式咨询技巧之前，最好先完全掌握这些技巧。

本章中描述的体验式咨询技巧来自20世纪50年代弗雷德里克（弗里茨）·佩尔斯开创的存在疗法，以及20世纪20年代雅各布·莫雷诺开创的心理剧。体验式咨询技巧在帮助个人探索问题、接触情感、做出决策和改变方面非常强大，使他们感觉更好，功能更加适应。

体验式咨询方法

本章中描述的体验式咨询方法涉及鼓励寻求帮助的人参与角色扮演。新咨询师往往缺乏使用这些方法所需的信心，这是可以理解的，而且他们明智的做法是在能够自信地使用这些技巧并希望扩展和增强他们的技能之前，继续使用他们感到舒适的技巧。

我们的经验是，当熟练地使用涉及角色扮演的体验式方法时，寻求帮助的人的结果通常会大大提升。我们确实需要指出的是，在我们看来，通常在建立稳固、信任的咨询关系之前，使用体验式方法是不合适的。此外，有些人太自我意识强，不够自信，无法利用这些方法，或者根本觉得体验式方法没有帮助。在讨论体验式方法的使用时，我们将描述以下内容：

• 体验式疗法的整体基础
• 咨询师在进行体验式练习中的角色
• 用于特定目的的体验式练习

体验式疗法的整体基础

在存在疗法和心理剧中有一个假设，即人类是整体的，这意味着他们的身体（体感）体验、情感感受和思维是不可分割地相互连接的。因此，基本假设是，当一个人参与角色扮演的戏剧时，他们的体验必然涉及三种体验模式：即身体感觉、情感感受和思维。如果咨询师能够帮助一个人接触其中任何一种体验，这个人很可能能够从一种体验模式过渡到其他模式。例如，如果一个人在角色扮演中感到“胃里有蝴蝶飞舞”，通过适当的提问，他们可能能够接触他们的情感感受和相关的思维。

咨询师在进行体验式练习中的角色

咨询师的角色包括以下几点：

• 邀请寻求帮助的人参与实验
• 指导实验
• 使用适当的咨询技巧
• 处理工作

邀请寻求帮助的人参与实验

如前所述，在邀请一个人参与体验式练习之前，建立稳固的关系非常重要。在存在疗法中，参与此类练习通常被称为“进行实验”。当我们邀请一个人参与实验时，我们总是试探性的。我们首先询问他们是否对尝试一种新的方法来探索他们的问题感兴趣。我们向他们明确表示，他们可以选择是否参与实验，还可以随时停止实验。在这方面，我们经常会问：“如果你想停下来，你会怎么告诉我？”通常，我们会先请他们从我们的一组垫子中选择一个垫子，如稍后所述。如果他们能够舒适地做到这一点，我们会邀请他们继续进行练习。

指导实验

当使用体验式方法时，咨询师在某种程度上就像戏剧的导演一样。在指导戏剧中的演员时，导演会指示和告知他们，使他们明白期望他们做什么。同样，在心理治疗实验中，咨询师在表现出同理心和支持的同时，会给寻求帮助的人指令，使他们明白该做什么。例如，咨询师可能会说：“我希望你站在这块垫子旁边，想象你是……”体验式练习通常是在寻求帮助的人和咨询师都站立的情况下进行的，以便他们可以自由移动。

使用适当的咨询技巧

虽然前几章描述的所有咨询技巧在使用体验式练习时都很重要，但咨询师通常会大量使用以下技巧：

• 观察
• 反馈
• 提问

例如，在观察一个人时，咨询师可能会注意到，当要求他们移动到新位置时，他们犹豫不决，不情愿地移动，或者在某个特定位置显得更快乐。与其由咨询师解释他们的非言语行为，通常更有助于直接反馈所观察到的情况，例如说：“你现在看起来更开心了”或“你紧紧地握着双手”。

通过关注一个人的身体表现，这个人很可能通过接触他们的情感感受并谈论这些感受来回应。他们可能会说：“是的，我感到非常焦虑。”对此，咨询师可能会邀请他们接触他们的思维，问：“你能告诉我你现在在想什么吗？”他们可能会说：“我意识到我感到焦虑是因为……”（并给出他们焦虑的原因）。你能否看到，对一个人的观察和对其非言语身体行为（例如，紧握的手）的反馈如何提高了他们对自己情感感受的意识，而在被问及思维时，他们能够谈论这些情感的原因？

当使用体验式方法时，咨询师不断帮助寻求帮助的人在体感体验、情感感受和思维之间建立联系。通过这种方式，他们对“此时此刻”的意识被提高，通过提高意识，改变更有可能发生。

典型的反馈语句

典型的咨询师在帮助一个人进行体验式练习时可能会使用的反馈语句包括：

• 你在微笑。
• 你深吸了一口气，然后……
• 你似乎不愿意改变位置。
• 你的双臂紧紧交叉。
• 当……时，你笑了。
• 你叹了口气。

处理工作

在一个人参与了体验式练习之后，通常会通过邀请他们坐下并谈论这次体验来继续这个过程。在这个过程中，个人常常会发现看待他们正在探索的问题的新方式，以及应对这些问题的新方法。

用于特定目的的体验式练习

尽管有许多不同的体验式工作方法，但在本章中，我们只会描述使用垫子帮助个人参与特定体验式练习的方法。我们在咨询室的一角存放着一堆形状、大小、颜色、设计和质地各异的彩色垫子。这些垫子可以用于各种体验式练习，例如：

• 与主角对话
• 与多个人对话
• 自我部分之间的对话
• 做决策

与主角对话

前来咨询的人常常因为与他人的关系问题而烦恼。在这种情况下，邀请他们进行体验式练习通常是很有帮助的。首先，可以邀请他们从垫子堆中挑选一个垫子来代表自己。

一旦他们选定了垫子，咨询师可以问：“这个垫子是什么样的？”在他们回答后，咨询师可以接着问：“你能告诉我更多吗？”如果他们能做到这一点，咨询师可以继续问：“你还能告诉我关于这个垫子的更多信息吗？”

当一个人被问到这三个问题时，他们通常会对垫子的特征进行详细的描述。咨询师可以接着说：“你选择了这个垫子来代表自己；你能告诉我你与这个垫子有哪些相似之处和不同之处吗？”当被问到这些问题时，个人对自己看法的意识会被提高，这可能是有帮助的。

下一步是邀请寻求帮助的人选择另一个垫子来代表他们有问题或关系问题的那个人。选定垫子后，可以邀请他们描述这个垫子，以帮助他们与那个有问题的人的特征建立联系。然后，可以邀请他们将代表自己的垫子和代表另一个人的垫子放在地板上，彼此分开。

接下来，咨询师可以示范他们希望寻求帮助的人做什么。咨询师可以说：“有时候我会让你站在代表你自己的垫子后面，面向另一个垫子，就像这样”，并演示站在所需的位置。“在其他时候，我希望你站在代表Frank的垫子后面，就像这样”（其中Frank是另一个人）。

然后可以邀请这个人站在他们自己的垫子旁边。当他们站在那里时，咨询师可以站在他们旁边，邀请他们想象另一个人站在代表他们的垫子所在的地方，并说出他们想对另一个人说的话。咨询师可以邀请他们说出他们真正想说的未经审查的内容。

一旦这个人对另一个人说了话，咨询师可以邀请他们移到代表另一个人的垫子后面，并想象自己是另一个人。然后可以邀请他们回应他们之前对想象中的另一个人所说的话。

在过程中，咨询师可以指示这个人从前一个角色转换到另一个角色，每到一个位置都要回应所说的话，从而创建对话。以这种方式进行角色扮演有助于个人更好地理解涉及的关系问题，并能够就如何在未来的行为和说话方式做出决策，以更有帮助地管理这种情况。

在对话持续足够长的时间后，咨询师可以邀请这个人坐下并按照前面所述的方法处理这次体验。有时，咨询师在对话过程中充当替代自我（alter ego）是有用的。

替代自我策略的使用

在使用替代自我策略之前，咨询师可以解释他们如何在体验式练习中充当替代自我。咨询师可以说：“有时我会站在你旁边，说出我认为你真正想说的话；然而，如果我说的话不适合你，我希望你告诉我。”

在与主角对话的过程中，正如前面所述，寻求帮助的人可能会低声对另一个人（称为Frank）说：“Frank，我不喜欢你无视我。”咨询师可能知道他们对Frank极其愤怒，在这种情况下，咨询师可能会站在这个人旁边，用非常大声的语气对着Frank的垫子说：“Frank，当你无视我时，你让我非常愤怒！”通过这样做，咨询师向个人展示了在咨询情境中可以不受审查地强烈表达情感是可以的。因此，个人可能能够公开发泄情感，体验到宣泄的效果。

与多个人对话

有时，一个人会因为与多个人的关系问题而前来咨询，这些人可能在他们的家庭或工作环境中。在这种情况下，咨询师可以邀请他们为自己选择垫子，并为所有涉及的人选择垫子，并将它们放在地板上的不同位置。然后可以邀请他们站在自己的垫子旁边，想象其他垫子代表相关的人。咨询师可以邀请他们对任何一个由垫子代表的人说出他们想说的话。类似于前面所述的方法，鼓励寻求帮助的人与其他人进行对话。

在练习达到合适的停止点后，可以邀请这个人坐下并按照前面所述的方法处理这次体验。在处理练习时，可以问这个人他们通过参与活动发现了什么。

自我部分之间的对话

如第23章所述，人类经常面对个性中的两极化现象。在使用体验式方法探讨两极化时，我们首先邀请寻求帮助的人识别出困扰他们的特定两极化现象，例如，考虑一个极度顺从的人，害怕使用自己强大的一面。在这种情况下，我们可以要求他们选择一个垫子来代表顺从的部分，选择另一个垫子来代表强大的部分。完成选择后，我们邀请他们将垫子放在地板上相距1到2米的位置。然后邀请他们站在其中一个垫子旁边。假设这个人选择站在代表顺从部分的垫子旁边，我们邀请他们谈谈顺从的感觉。接下来，我们邀请他们移动并站在代表强大部分的垫子旁边，再次邀请他们谈谈处于这个位置的感觉。此外，他们可能会被邀请在两个极端之间进行对话，即顺从部分可以与强大部分对话，反之亦然。作为顺从部分，当站在“顺从”的垫子旁边时，这个人可能会对代表强大部分的另一个垫子说：“人们不喜欢你那样表现”和“好人像我一样，顺从”。当站在强大的垫子旁边时，他们可能会对另一个垫子说：“人们会像踩地毯一样踩你。”

体验式对话的特点

• 角色扮演：通过选择代表不同自我部分的垫子，个人可以在具体的情境中体验和表达不同的情感和想法。
• 对话交流：在两个极端之间进行对话，帮助个人更好地理解内心的冲突，找到平衡点。
• 非言语反馈：咨询师可以通过观察和反馈非言语行为，帮助个人更深入地认识自己。

最后的步骤

最后，咨询师可能会邀请这个人慢慢地在两个垫子之间来回走动，停在不同的位置。通过鼓励他们这样做，他们可能会意识到自己可以在任何时候、任何特定情况下选择任何位置。因此，他们被赋予了使用自我两部分的能力。此外，他们可能会认识到，有可能处于中间位置，既不是完全强大也不是完全顺从，而是介于两者之间。

做决策

许多人在做决策时遇到困难，对于这样的人来说，建议他们参与体验式练习以更充分地探索选项有时是有用的。过程的第一步是帮助他们识别可用的选项。完成后，可以邀请他们选择垫子来代表每个选项。如果他们能够将每个选项的某些方面与所选垫子的特征联系起来，这将是有帮助的。这使他们能够在垫子中锚定对各个选项的想法。选定的垫子可以放在地板上的不同位置。接下来，可以邀请这个人站在任何一个垫子旁边。当他们站在某个特定垫子旁边时，咨询师可以要求他们想象自己已经决定选择该垫子所代表的选项。可以邀请他们谈谈选择该选项的感觉，并从正面和负面两个方面描述这种感觉。然后可以邀请他们站在另一个他们选择的垫子旁边，并谈谈选择该选项的感觉。这个过程可以重复，以便让这个人体验选择每个选项的感觉。

体验式决策的特点

• 具体化选项：通过选择代表不同选项的垫子，个人可以更具体地思考和感受每个选项。
• 情感体验：通过站在不同的垫子旁边，个人可以更真实地体验选择每个选项的情感反应。
• 逐步排除：通过反复体验和讨论，个人可以通过排除法找到最适合自己的选项。

智者策略

当一个人陷入困境且无法做出决定时，邀请他们站在任何代表选项的垫子之外，并想象自己是一个智者或非常明智的人，这可能是有帮助的。假设我们正在辅导一个叫爱丽丝的人。当爱丽丝采取智者的立场时，咨询师可以这样说：“智者，我想请你给爱丽丝一些建议，告诉她该怎么做。”有趣的是，大多数人善于给别人提供建议，而处于智者位置的人经常会给自己一些强有力的建议。之后，咨询师可以帮助他们处理这次体验，讨论他们可能发现的任何东西。

总结

如前所述，体验式方法非常强大，对寻求帮助的人非常有帮助，前提是他们愿意参与这样的练习。新咨询师如果想探索体验式方法，最好参加格式塔疗法或心理剧的实际培训。由于这些方法是体验式的，通过实际培训课程学习比阅读教科书中的描述更为有效。

学习总结

• 体验式练习的作用：体验式练习在帮助寻求帮助的人探索问题、接触情感感受、做出决策和改变方面非常强大。
• 整体性：体验式疗法是整体性的，强调身体体验、情感感受和思想之间的相互关联。
• 咨询师的角色：咨询师的角色包括指导体验式练习，使用的重要技能包括观察、反馈和提问。
• 处理体验：通过让寻求帮助的人谈论体验，处理体验式练习是有用的。
• 应用范围：体验式练习可用于与单个主角或多人对话、自我部分之间的对话以及做决策。
• 策略：替代自我策略可以帮助一个人更充分地接触自己的情感感受，智者策略在帮助一个人在选项之间做出决策方面是有用的。

进一步阅读

• Baker, N. 2009, The Experiential Counselling Primer, PCCS, Koss-on-Wye.
• Clarkson, P. & Cavicchia, S. 2014, Gestalt Counselling in Action, 4th edn, SAGE, London.
• Houston, G. 2003, Brief Gestalt Therapy, SAGE, London.

本章知识点阐述

进一步阐述知识点

体验式咨询技巧

语言咨询技巧 vs. 体验式咨询技巧

• 语言咨询技巧：主要集中在对话和交流上，适合初步建立信任关系和理解问题。
• 体验式咨询技巧：通过角色扮演等方法，帮助个人更深入地探索内心世界，提高自我意识。

体验式咨询技巧的来源

• 体验式咨询技巧主要来自存在疗法和心理剧。
  • 存在疗法：强调个体的整体性和内在体验的相互关联。
  • 心理剧：通过角色扮演和戏剧化的手段，帮助个体释放情感和解决问题。

体验式咨询方法

建立信任关系

• 在使用体验式方法之前，建立稳固、信任的咨询关系至关重要。
• 信任关系有助于个人更开放地参与体验式练习，减少抵触和不安。

个体差异

• 并非所有人都适合体验式方法，特别是那些自我意识强、不自信的人。
• 咨询师需要灵活应对，根据个体的具体情况选择合适的方法。

体验式疗法的整体基础

整体性假设

• 人类是整体的，身体、情感和思维是不可分割的。
• 通过体验式练习，个人可以在不同体验模式之间建立联系，提高自我意识。

体验式练习的作用

• 帮助个人探索问题，接触情感，做出决策，实现改变。
• 通过提高自我意识，促进个人的情感和认知发展。

咨询师在进行体验式练习中的角色

邀请参与

• 咨询师应以试探性的方式邀请个人参与体验式练习。
• 明确告知个人他们有选择权，并可以随时停止练习。

指导实验

• 咨询师像戏剧导演一样，指导个人进行角色扮演。
• 给予明确的指令，帮助个人理解该做什么。

使用适当技巧

• 观察：注意个人的非言语行为，如肢体动作、面部表情等。
• 反馈：直接反馈观察到的情况，帮助个人提高自我意识。
• 提问：通过提问引导个人深入思考和感受。

典型的反馈语句

提高自我意识

• 通过具体的反馈语句，帮助个人认识到自己的非言语行为。
  • 例如，“你在微笑”、“你深吸了一口气”等，有助于个人更清晰地认识自己的情感和思维。

促进情感表达

• 通过关注身体表现，引导个人表达情感。
  • 例如，“你现在看起来更开心了”、“你紧紧地握着双手”等，可以帮助个人更真实地表达自己的感受。

总结

通过使用体验式咨询技巧，咨询师可以帮助个人更深入地探索内心世界，提高自我意识，促进情感和认知的发展。这些技巧不仅有助于个人解决当前的问题，还能帮助他们在未来更自信地面对生活中的挑战。咨询师在使用这些技巧时，需要灵活应对个体的差异，建立稳固的信任关系，确保个人在安全的环境中积极参与体验式练习。通过观察、反馈和提问，咨询师可以有效引导个人实现自我成长和改变。

学习总结

• 体验式咨询技巧

  • 语言咨询技巧 vs. 体验式咨询技巧：
    • 语言咨询技巧：适合初步建立信任关系和理解问题。
    • 体验式咨询技巧：帮助个人更深入地探索内心世界，提高自我意识。
  • 体验式咨询技巧的来源：
    • 存在疗法：强调个体的整体性和内在体验的相互关联。
    • 心理剧：通过角色扮演和戏剧化的手段，帮助个体释放情感和解决问题。

• 体验式咨询方法

  • 建立信任关系：建立稳固、信任的咨询关系至关重要。
  • 个体差异：咨询师需要灵活应对，根据个体的具体情况选择合适的方法。

• 体验式疗法的整体基础

  • 整体性假设：人类是整体的，身体、情感和思维是不可分割的。
  • 体验式练习的作用：帮助个人探索问题，接触情感，做出决策，实现改变。

• 咨询师在进行体验式练习中的角色

  • 邀请参与：以试探性的方式邀请个人参与体验式练习。
  • 指导实验：指导个人进行角色扮演，给予明确的指令。
  • 使用适当技巧：
    • 观察：注意非言语行为。
    • 反馈：直接反馈观察到的情况。
    • 提问：引导个人深入思考和感受。

• 典型的反馈语句

  • 提高自我意识：通过具体的反馈语句帮助个人认识自己的非言语行为。
  • 促进情感表达：通过关注身体表现引导个人表达情感。

参考文献和进一步阅读

• de Shazer, S. 1985, Keys to Solution in Brief Therapy, W.W. Norton & Company, New York.
• O'Connell, B. 1998, Solution Focused Therapy: Helping People with Problems to Succeed, Allen & Unwin, St Leonards, NSW.
• Berg, I.K. & Miller, S.D. 1992, Working with the Problem Drinker: A Solution-Focused Approach, Norton, New York.

进一步阐述知识点

处理工作

后续讨论

在体验式练习之后，通过邀请个人坐下并谈论这次体验，可以继续处理这个过程。个人在讨论中可能会发现看待问题的新角度和应对问题的新方法。

提高自我意识

通过回顾和讨论体验，个人可以更深入地了解自己的感受和想法，提高自我意识。

用于特定目的的体验式练习

垫子的选择

• 咨询师提供多种形状、大小、颜色、设计和质地的垫子，供个人选择。
• 选择垫子的过程本身就是一个探索自我和他人关系的机会。

与主角对话

• 个人选择一个垫子代表自己，另一个垫子代表他们有问题的人。
• 通过描述垫子的特征，个人可以更具体地表达对自我和他人的看法。
• 角色扮演和对话可以帮助个人更好地理解关系问题，并找到解决问题的方法。

替代自我策略

• 咨询师在必要时可以充当替代自我，帮助个人更强烈地表达情感。
• 通过这种方式，个人可以更自由地表达内心的感受，体验到情感的宣泄。

与多个人对话

• 当个人面临多个关系问题时，可以选择多个垫子代表不同的人。
• 通过与多个垫子的对话，个人可以更全面地理解和处理复杂的关系问题。
• 最后的讨论可以帮助个人总结和反思，找到解决问题的策略。

总结

通过使用体验式练习，咨询师可以帮助个人更深入地探索和理解自己的内心世界，提高自我意识，找到解决问题的新方法。垫子的选择和角色扮演为个人提供了一个具体的工具，帮助他们在安全的环境中表达感受和想法。咨询师在这一过程中起着重要的引导作用，通过观察、反馈和提问，帮助个人实现自我成长和改变。最终，这些方法不仅有助于解决当前的问题，还能帮助个人在未来更自信地面对生活中的挑战。

学习总结

• 处理工作

  • 后续讨论：通过邀请个人坐下并谈论体验，继续处理过程。
  • 提高自我意识：通过回顾和讨论体验，个人可以更深入地了解自己的感受和想法。

• 用于特定目的的体验式练习

  • 垫子的选择：
    • 咨询师提供多种形状、大小、颜色、设计和质地的垫子。
    • 选择垫子的过程本身是一个探索自我和他人关系的机会。
  • 与主角对话：
    • 个人选择一个垫子代表自己，另一个垫子代表他们有问题的人。
    • 通过描述垫子的特征，个人可以更具体地表达对自我和他人的看法。
    • 角色扮演和对话可以帮助个人更好地理解关系问题，并找到解决问题的方法。
  • 替代自我策略：
    • 咨询师在必要时可以充当替代自我，帮助个人更强烈地表达情感。
    • 通过这种方式，个人可以更自由地表达内心的感受，体验到情感的宣泄。
  • 与多个人对话：
    • 当个人面临多个关系问题时，可以选择多个垫子代表不同的人。
    • 通过与多个垫子的对话，个人可以更全面地理解和处理复杂的关系问题。
    • 最后的讨论可以帮助个人总结和反思，找到解决问题的策略。

参考文献和进一步阅读

• de Shazer, S. 1985, Keys to Solution in Brief Therapy, W.W. Norton & Company, New York.
• O'Connell, B. 1998, Solution Focused Therapy: Helping People with Problems to Succeed, Allen & Unwin, St Leonards, NSW.
• Berg, I.K. & Miller, S.D. 1992, Working with the Problem Drinker: A Solution-Focused Approach, Norton, New York.

进一步阐述知识点

自我部分之间的对话

识别两极化现象

• 通过选择代表不同自我部分的垫子，个人可以更具体地识别和表达内心的两极化现象。
• 这种方法有助于个人更清晰地看到自己内心的冲突和矛盾。

角色扮演和对话

• 通过站在不同的垫子旁边，个人可以体验和表达不同自我部分的感受和想法。
• 对话交流帮助个人更好地理解内心的冲突，找到平衡点。

非言语反馈

• 咨询师通过观察和反馈非言语行为，帮助个人更深入地认识自己。
• 非言语行为的反馈可以揭示个人潜意识中的情感和想法。

中间位置

• 通过在两个极端之间移动，个人可以认识到自己可以在任何时候选择任何位置。
• 这种体验有助于个人在现实生活中找到更灵活和平衡的应对方式。

做决策

具体化选项

• 通过选择代表不同选项的垫子，个人可以更具体地思考和感受每个选项。
• 具体化有助于个人更清晰地看到每个选项的优缺点。

情感体验

• 通过站在不同的垫子旁边，个人可以更真实地体验选择每个选项的情感反应。
• 情感体验有助于个人更全面地评估每个选项的影响。

逐步排除

• 通过反复体验和讨论，个人可以通过排除法找到最适合自己的选项。
• 逐步排除的过程帮助个人减少决策的焦虑和不确定性。

智者策略

第三方视角

• 通过想象自己是一个智者或非常明智的人，个人可以从第三方的视角审视自己的问题。
• 第三方视角有助于个人更客观地评估问题和选项。

自我建议

• 人们往往善于给别人提供建议，而处于智者位置的人经常会给自己一些强有力的建议。
• 自我建议有助于个人找到解决问题的新思路和方法。

处理体验

• 咨询师帮助个人处理这次体验，讨论他们可能发现的任何东西。
• 处理体验的过程有助于个人巩固和内化新的认识和感受。

总结

体验式方法通过具体的工具和活动，帮助个人更深入地探索和理解自己的内心世界，提高自我意识，找到解决问题的新方法。垫子的选择和角色扮演为个人提供了一个具体的工具，帮助他们在安全的环境中表达感受和想法。咨询师在这一过程中起着重要的引导作用，通过观察、反馈和提问，帮助个人实现自我成长和改变。最终，这些方法不仅有助于解决当前的问题，还能帮助个人在未来更自信地面对生活中的挑战。

学习总结

• 自我部分之间的对话

  • 识别两极化现象：
    • 通过选择代表不同自我部分的垫子，个人可以更具体地识别和表达内心的两极化现象。
    • 这种方法有助于个人更清晰地看到自己内心的冲突和矛盾。
  • 角色扮演和对话：
    • 通过站在不同的垫子旁边，个人可以体验和表达不同自我部分的感受和想法。
    • 对话交流帮助个人更好地理解内心的冲突，找到平衡点。
  • 非言语反馈：
    • 咨询师通过观察和反馈非言语行为，帮助个人更深入地认识自己。
    • 非言语行为的反馈可以揭示个人潜意识中的情感和想法。
  • 中间位置：
    • 通过在两个极端之间移动，个人可以认识到自己可以在任何时候选择任何位置。
    • 这种体验有助于个人在现实生活中找到更灵活和平衡的应对方式。

• 做决策

  • 具体化选项：
    • 通过选择代表不同选项的垫子，个人可以更具体地思考和感受每个选项。
    • 具体化有助于个人更清晰地看到每个选项的优缺点。
  • 情感体验：
    • 通过站在不同的垫子旁边，个人可以更真实地体验选择每个选项的情感反应。
    • 情感体验有助于个人更全面地评估每个选项的影响。
  • 逐步排除：
    • 通过反复体验和讨论，个人可以通过排除法找到最适合自己的选项。
    • 逐步排除的过程帮助个人减少决策的焦虑和不确定性。

• 智者策略

  • 第三方视角：
    • 通过想象自己是一个智者或非常明智的人，个人可以从第三方的视角审视自己的问题。
    • 第三方视角有助于个人更客观地评估问题和选项。
  • 自我建议：
    • 人们往往善于给别人提供建议，而处于智者位置的人经常会给自己一些强有力的建议。
    • 自我建议有助于个人找到解决问题的新思路和方法。

• 处理体验

  • 咨询师帮助个人处理这次体验，讨论他们可能发现的任何东西。
  • 处理体验的过程有助于个人巩固和内化新的认识和感受。

参考文献和进一步阅读

• de Shazer, S. 1985, Keys to Solution in Brief Therapy, W.W. Norton & Company, New York.
• O'Connell, B. 1998, Solution Focused Therapy: Helping People with Problems to Succeed, Allen & Unwin, St Leonards, NSW.
• Berg, I.K. & Miller, S.D. 1992, Working with the Problem Drinker: A Solution-Focused Approach, Norton, New York.

27 Experiential counselling skills The counselling skills described in earlier chapters of this book focus on the use of verbal counselling skills. Using these skills, the person seeking help and the counsellor sit down with each other and engage in a counselling conversation. We find these skills Very useful in our own practice and believe that it is preferable tor them to be mastered fully before a new counsellor considers learning to use experiential counselling skills. The experiential counselling skills which we describe in this chapter come from Gestalt Therapy, which was pioneered by Frederick (Fritz) Peris in the 1950s, and from Psychodrama, which was pioneered by Jacob Moreno in the 1920s. Experiential counselling skills are very powerful in enabling a person to explore issues, get in touch with feelings, make decisions and change so that they feel better and function more adaptively. The experiential counselling approaches described in this chapter involve encouraging the person seeking help to take part in role-plays. It is likely that new counsellors will often lack the confidence required to enable them to learn and use these methods. 1 his is understandable, and it is sensible for them to stay with the skills that are comfortable for them until such time as they can use these confidently and wish to extend and enhance their repertoire of skills. Our experience is that when experiential methods involving role-play are used competently, outcomes for people seeking help are usually greatly enhanced. We do need to point out that in our opinion it is generally not appropriate to use experiential methods until a sound, trusting counselling relationship has been established. Additionally, some people are too self-conscious and unsure of themselves to be able to make use of these methods, or simply do not find experiential methods helpful. In discussing the use of experiential methods we will describe: • the holistic foundation of the experiential therapies • the counsellor’s role in conducting an experiential exercise • experiential exercises for particular purposes. THE HOLISTIC FOUNDATION OF THE EXPERIENTIAL THERAPIES In both Gestalt Therapy and Psycho drama there is an assumption that human beings are holistic, which implies that their bodily (somatic) experiences, emotional feelings and thoughts are inextricably interconnected. It is therefore a fundamental assumption that as a person engages in the drama of a role-play, their experiences will inevitably involve the three modes of experiencing: that is, bodily sensations, .... J......................................... emotional feelings and thoughts. If the counsellor is able to help a person to get in touch with any of these experiences, the person is likely to be able to move from one mode of experiencing to the others. For example, if a person is experiencing 'butterflies in the stomach’ during a role-play, with appropriate questioning they may be able to get in touch with their emotional feelings and the associated thoughts. THE COUNSELLOR'S ROLE IN CONDUCTING AN EXPERIENTIAL EXERCISE 1 he counsellor’s role involves the following: • inviting the person seeking help to take part in an experiment • directing the experiment • using appropriate counselling skills • processing the work.

INVITING THE PERSON SEEKING HELP TO TAKE PART IN AN EXPERIMENT As stated previously, it is important to establish a sound relationship before inviting a person to engage in an experiential exercise. In Gestalt Therapy, involvement in such an exercise is often referred to as 'doing an experiment’. When inviting a person to take part in an experiment we are always tentative. We begin by asking the person whether they would be interested in trying a new approach to exploring their problem. We make it clear to them that they have a choice about whether they take part in the experiment, and also that they may stop the experiment at any time. In this regard we will often ask, ‘If you want to stop, how will you let me know?’ Usually, we will begin by asking the person to choose a cushion from our set of cushions, as will be described later. If they are able to do this comfortably, we will invite them to continue with the exercise. DIRECTING THE EXPERIMENT When using an experiential approach the counsellor is in some ways like the director of a theatrical drama. In directing the actors in a drama the director instructs and informs them so that they understand what is expected of them. Similarly, in a psychotherapeutic experiment, while being empathic and supportive, the counsellor gives the person seeking help instructions so that they understand what to do. for example, the counsellor might say, ‘I would like you to stand over here beside this cushion and imagine that you are ...’. Experiential exercises are usually conducted with both the person seeking help and the counsellor standing up so that they can move around freely.

USING APPROPRIATE COUNSELLING SKILLS While all the counselling skills described in earlier chapters are important when using experiential exercises, the counsellor will generally make substantial use of: • observation • feedback • questions. For example, while observing the person the counsellor might notice that they hesitate when asked to move to a new position, move reluctantly, or look much happier when in a particular position. Rather than the counsellor interpreting the person’s non-verbal behaviour, it is usually more helpful for them to give direct feedback of what is noticed by making a statement such as ‘You look happier where you are now’ or ‘You are clasping your hands together tightly’. By drawing attention to the person’s physical presentation the person is likely to respond by getting in touch with their emotional feelings and talking about these. They might say, ‘Yes, 1 feel very anxious’. In response to this the counsellor might invite them to get in touch with their thoughts by asking, ‘Are you able to tell me what you’re thinking right now?’ They might say, ‘I realise that 1 feel anxious because ... ’ (and give an explanation for their anxiety). Can you see how observation of a person and feedback about their non-verbal bodily behaviour (for example, clasped hands) will raise the person’s awareness of their emotional feelings, and that when they are asked about thoughts they are able to talk about the reason for those emotions? When using an experiential approach the counsellor constantly assists the person seeking help to make connections between somatic experiences, emotional feelings and thoughts. In this way their awareness in the ‘here and now’ is raised, and through raised awareness change is likely to occur. Typical feedback statements that might be used by the counsellor when helping a person undertake an experiential exercise include: You're smiling. You took a deep breath then... You seem reluctant to move position. Your arms are folded tightly. You laughed when ... You sighed. PROCESSING THE WORK After a person has engaged in an experiential exercise the process is usually continued by inviting them to sit down and talk about the experience. Often when doing this the person will discover new ways of thinking about the issues they have been exploring, and new ways of responding to these issues.

EXPERIENTIAL EXERCISES FOR PARTICULAR PURPOSES Although there are many different ways to work experientially, in this chapter we will only describe the use of cushions for helping a person engage in particular experiential exercises. We keep a pile of coloured cushions of various shapes, sizes, colours, designs and textures in a corner of our counselling room. These cushions can be used for a variety of experiential exercises, such as enabling a person to: • dialogue with a protagonist • dialogue with a number of people • dialogue between parts of self • make decisions. DIALOGUING WITH A PROTAGONIST It is quite common for people who come to counselling to be troubled by a relationship with someone else. In this case it can often be helpful to invite the person to do an experiential exercise. Firstly, they can be invited to look through the pile of cushions and to select a cushion to represent themselves. Once they have selected a cushion, the counsellor might ask, 'What is this cushion like?’ After they have responded the counsellor might follow up by asking, ‘Can you tell me more?’ If the person is able to do this the counsellor might continue by asking, ‘Is there anything more you can tell me about this cushion?" When a person is asked these three questions it is common for them to go into some detail about the characteristics of the cushion. The counsellor might then say, ‘You chose that cushion to represent yourself; are you able to tell me in what ways you are like that cushion and in what ways you are different?’ When the person is asked these questions their awareness of the way they see themselves is raised and this can be helpful. 1 he next step in the process is to ask the person seeking help to select another cushion to represent the person with whom they have an issue or relationship problem. Once this cushion has been selected they are invited to describe the cushion to enable them to connect with the characteristics of the person with whom they have an issue. They can then be invited to place the cushion representing themselves and the cushion representing the other person on the floor separate from each other. The counsellor can next model what they would like the person seeking help to do. To do this the counsellor might say, i So me times 1 will ask you to stand behind the cushion that represents you and face the other cushion, like this’, and demonstrate by standing in the desired position. 'At other times 1 would like you to stand behind the cushion that represents Frank, like this’ (where Frank is the other person). The person can then be invited to stand beside their own cushion. When they are standing there the counsellor can stand beside them and invite them to imagine that the other person is standing where the cushion that represents them has been placed, and to say what they would like to say to the other person. The counsellor might invite the person to give an uncensored version of what they would really like to say. Once the person has addressed the other person, the counsellor can invite them to move behind the cushion representing the other person and to imagine that they are the other person. They can then be invited to reply to the statement they made previously when talking to the imagined other person. During the process, the counsellor can instruct the person to move backwards and forwards from role-playing themselves to role-playing the other person, and in each position to respond to what has been said so that a dialogue is created. Role-playing in this way can be helpful in enabling a person to have a better understanding of the relationship issues involved, and to be able to make decisions about how to behave and what to say in the future in order to manage the situation more helpfully. After the dialoguing has continued sufficiently, the counsellor can invite the person to sit down and process the experience as explained. Sometimes it can be useful for the counsellor to act as an alter ego while the dialoguing is continuing. USE OF THE ALTER EGO STRATEGY Before using the alter ego strategy it can be helpful for the counsellor to explain how they might act as an alter ego during the experiential exercise. 1 he counsellor might say, 'At times 1 might stand beside you and say what I think you would really like to say on your behalf; however, if what 1 say doesn’t fit for you, 1 would like you to tell me.' While dialoguing with a protagonist, as explained previously, it might be that the person seeking help will say in a quiet voice to the other person (called Frank), 'Frank, 1 don’t like it when you ignore me.’ The counsellor might know that they are extremely angry with Frank and in this case might stand beside the person and say in a Very loud voice directed at Frank’s cushion, ‘Frank, you infuriate me when you ignore me!’ By doing this the counsellor demonstrates to the person that it is OK in the counselling situation to give an uncensored and forceful expression of feelings. As a consequence the person may be able to vent their feelings openly and experience cathartic release. DIALOGUING WITH A NUMBER OF PEOPLE Sometimes a person will come to counselling and be troubled by their relationships with a number of people, possibly in their family or in their work environment. In this case, the counsellor can invite them to choose cushions for themselves and also for all of the people involved and to place them in separate places on the floor. The person can then be invited to stand beside their own cushion and imagine that the other cushions represent the people concerned. 1 he counsellor can then invite them to say what they want to any individual represented by a cushion. In a similar way to that described previously, dialoguing is encouraged between the person seeking help and the other individuals. After the exercise has reached a suitable stopping point, the person can be invited to sit down and the experience can be processed, as described previously. When processing the exercise it can be useful to ask the person what they have discovered as a result of engaging them in the activity.

DIALOGUING BETWEEN PARTS OF SELF As explained in Chapter 23, human beings are often confronted by the polarities in their personalities. When exploring polarities using an experiential approach we first invite the person seeking help to identify the particular polarities that are troubling them, for example, let us consider a case where a person is extremely submissive, and is afraid to use the powerful part of self In this case we might ask them to choose a cushion to represent the submissive part of self, and to choose another cushion to represent the powerful part of self Having done this, we invite them to place the cushions 1 or 2 metres apart on the floor. They are next invited to stand beside either one of the cushions. Imagine that the person chose to stand beside the cushion representing the submissive part of self. We then invite them to say what it is like being submissive. Next we invite them to move and stand beside the cushion that represents the powerful part of self. Once again they are invited to talk about what it is like to be in this position. Additionally, they might be invited to dialogue between the two polarities, so that the submissive part of self might talk to the powerful part of self, and vice Versa. As the submissive part of self, when standing beside the ‘submissive’ cushion, the person might say to the powerful part of self represented by the other cushion, ‘People won’t like you if you behave like that’ and ‘Nice people are like me, submissive’. When standing beside the powerful cushion, they might say to the other cushion, ‘People will walk all over you like a doormat’. Similarly to dialoguing with a protagonist, the counsellor can invite the person to move from cushion to cushion so that the dialogue between the two pans of self continues. While the person is engaged in the dialogue, or is moving from one cushion to the other, it can be very useful for the counsellor to feedback to them any non-verbal behaviour that is observed. Finally, the counsellor might invite the person to walk slowdy backwards and forwards between the two cushions, stopping in various positions. By encouraging them to do this, they are likely to recognise that they can move to any position they choose at any particular time and in any particular situation. Consequently, they are empowered to use both parts of self. Additionally, they may recognise that it is possible to be in an intermediate position where they are not totally powerful or totally submissive, but somewhere in between. MAKING DECISIONS Many people have trouble in making decisions, and for such people it can sometimes be useful to suggest that they might like to participate in an experiential exercise to help them explore their options more fully. 1 he first step in the process is to enable them to identify the alternatives that are available. Having done this, they can then be invited to choose cushions to represent each of the alternatives. It can be helpful if they are able to connect aspects of each alternative with the characteristics of the cushion chosen to represent that alternative. 1 his allows them to anchor their ideas about the various alternatives in the cushions. I he cushions selected can then be placed in separate positions on the floor. Next, the person can be invited to stand by any one of the cushions. When they stand beside a particular cushion the counsellor can ask them to imagine that they have made a decision to choose the option represented by that cushion. The person can be invited to talk about what it is like to have chosen that option, and to describe this in terms of both positives and negatives. They can then be invited to stand beside another cushion of their choice and talk about what it is like to have chosen that option. This process can be repeated so that the person experiences what it would be like to have chosen each of the options. While this activity is proceeding, the counsellor needs to make use of the skills of observation, feedback and questions, in order to raise the person’s awareness of their inner experience in terms of their bodily sensations, emotional feelings and thoughts. When the person stands beside a particular cushion and talks in a negative way about the choice it represents, it can be helpful for the counsellor to suggest they move to a different cushion. By doing this they might experience more positive emotional feelings and thoughts. Generally, by moving from cushion to cushion, and experiencing what it would be like to have chosen each of the options, the person will reach a point where, through a process of elimination, they discover the best alternative for them. When doing this particular experiential exercise we believe that it is important to remember that it is OK for a person to remain stuck and unable to make a decision. Paradoxically, as explained earlier in the book, if a person is pressed to make a decision they will find it more difficult to make one, whereas if they are given time they may eventually come to a decision which suits them. Having said this, it is sometimes helpful to use what is called the guru strategy to enable a person to reach a decision between options. THE GURU STRATEGY When a person is stuck and unable to make a decision it may be helpful to invite them to stand separately from any of the cushions that represent their options and to imagine that they are a guru, or Very wise person. Imagine that we are counselling a person called Alice. When Alice has taken up the position of the guru the counsellor can say, ‘Guru, 1 would like you to give Alice some advice, fell her what to do.’ Interestingly, most people are good at giving other people advice, and frequently a person placed in the guru position will give themselves some strong advice. After this it may be helpful for the counsellor to process the experience with them with regard to any discoveries they may have made.

IN CONCLUSION As we indicated earlier, experiential methods are extremely powerful and can be very helpful for a person seeking help, provided that they are willing to participate in such an exercise. New counsellors who would like to explore the use of experiential approaches would be sensible to undertake practical training in either Gestalt Therapy or Psychodrama. Because the approaches are experiential, they are most effectively learnt through experience on a training course rather than through reading a description in a textbook such as this. Learning summary An experiential exercise can be very powerful in enabling a person seeking help to explore issues, get in touch with emotional feelings, make decisions and change. Experiential therapies are hoi stic and emphasise the way that bodily experiences, emotional feelings and thoughts are interconnected. The counsellor's role involves directing the experiential exercise. Important counselling skills used by the experiential counsellor are the use of observation, feedback and questions. It is useful to process an experiential exercise by enabling the person seeking help to talk about the experience. Experiential exercises can be used for dialoguing with a single protagonist or with a number of people, dialoguing between parts of self, and making decisions. The alter ego strategy can help a person to get more fully in touch with their emotional feelings. The guru strategy can be useful in enabling a person to make a decision between alternatives. Further reading Baker, N. 2009, The Experiential Counselling Primer, PCCS, Koss-on-Wyc. Clarkson, P. Ca vicchia, S. 2014, Gestalt Counselling in Action, 4th edn, SAGE, London. Houston, G. 2003, Brief Gestalt Therapy, SAGE, London.