27. 体验性咨询技能

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27 Experiential counselling skills The counselling skills described in earlier chapters of this book focus on the use of verbal counselling skills. Using these skills, the person seeking help and the counsellor sit down with each other and engage in a counselling conversation. We find these skills Very useful in our own practice and believe that it is preferable tor them to be mastered fully before a new counsellor considers learning to use experiential counselling skills. The experiential counselling skills which we describe in this chapter come from Gestalt Therapy, which was pioneered by Frederick (Fritz) Peris in the 1950s, and from Psychodrama, which was pioneered by Jacob Moreno in the 1920s. Experiential counselling skills are very powerful in enabling a person to explore issues, get in touch with feelings, make decisions and change so that they feel better and function more adaptively. The experiential counselling approaches described in this chapter involve encouraging the person seeking help to take part in role-plays. It is likely that new counsellors will often lack the confidence required to enable them to learn and use these methods. 1 his is understandable, and it is sensible for them to stay with the skills that are comfortable for them until such time as they can use these confidently and wish to extend and enhance their repertoire of skills. Our experience is that when experiential methods involving role-play are used competently, outcomes for people seeking help are usually greatly enhanced. We do need to point out that in our opinion it is generally not appropriate to use experiential methods until a sound, trusting counselling relationship has been established. Additionally, some people are too self-conscious and unsure of themselves to be able to make use of these methods, or simply do not find experiential methods helpful. In discussing the use of experiential methods we will describe: • the holistic foundation of the experiential therapies • the counsellor’s role in conducting an experiential exercise • experiential exercises for particular purposes. THE HOLISTIC FOUNDATION OF THE EXPERIENTIAL THERAPIES In both Gestalt Therapy and Psycho drama there is an assumption that human beings are holistic, which implies that their bodily (somatic) experiences, emotional feelings and thoughts are inextricably interconnected. It is therefore a fundamental assumption that as a person engages in the drama of a role-play, their experiences will inevitably involve the three modes of experiencing: that is, bodily sensations, .... J......................................... emotional feelings and thoughts. If the counsellor is able to help a person to get in touch with any of these experiences, the person is likely to be able to move from one mode of experiencing to the others. For example, if a person is experiencing 'butterflies in the stomach’ during a role-play, with appropriate questioning they may be able to get in touch with their emotional feelings and the associated thoughts. THE COUNSELLOR'S ROLE IN CONDUCTING AN EXPERIENTIAL EXERCISE 1 he counsellor’s role involves the following: • inviting the person seeking help to take part in an experiment • directing the experiment • using appropriate counselling skills • processing the work.

INVITING THE PERSON SEEKING HELP TO TAKE PART IN AN EXPERIMENT As stated previously, it is important to establish a sound relationship before inviting a person to engage in an experiential exercise. In Gestalt Therapy, involvement in such an exercise is often referred to as 'doing an experiment’. When inviting a person to take part in an experiment we are always tentative. We begin by asking the person whether they would be interested in trying a new approach to exploring their problem. We make it clear to them that they have a choice about whether they take part in the experiment, and also that they may stop the experiment at any time. In this regard we will often ask, ‘If you want to stop, how will you let me know?’ Usually, we will begin by asking the person to choose a cushion from our set of cushions, as will be described later. If they are able to do this comfortably, we will invite them to continue with the exercise. DIRECTING THE EXPERIMENT When using an experiential approach the counsellor is in some ways like the director of a theatrical drama. In directing the actors in a drama the director instructs and informs them so that they understand what is expected of them. Similarly, in a psychotherapeutic experiment, while being empathic and supportive, the counsellor gives the person seeking help instructions so that they understand what to do. for example, the counsellor might say, ‘I would like you to stand over here beside this cushion and imagine that you are ...’. Experiential exercises are usually conducted with both the person seeking help and the counsellor standing up so that they can move around freely.

USING APPROPRIATE COUNSELLING SKILLS While all the counselling skills described in earlier chapters are important when using experiential exercises, the counsellor will generally make substantial use of: • observation • feedback • questions. For example, while observing the person the counsellor might notice that they hesitate when asked to move to a new position, move reluctantly, or look much happier when in a particular position. Rather than the counsellor interpreting the person’s non-verbal behaviour, it is usually more helpful for them to give direct feedback of what is noticed by making a statement such as ‘You look happier where you are now’ or ‘You are clasping your hands together tightly’. By drawing attention to the person’s physical presentation the person is likely to respond by getting in touch with their emotional feelings and talking about these. They might say, ‘Yes, 1 feel very anxious’. In response to this the counsellor might invite them to get in touch with their thoughts by asking, ‘Are you able to tell me what you’re thinking right now?’ They might say, ‘I realise that 1 feel anxious because ... ’ (and give an explanation for their anxiety). Can you see how observation of a person and feedback about their non-verbal bodily behaviour (for example, clasped hands) will raise the person’s awareness of their emotional feelings, and that when they are asked about thoughts they are able to talk about the reason for those emotions? When using an experiential approach the counsellor constantly assists the person seeking help to make connections between somatic experiences, emotional feelings and thoughts. In this way their awareness in the ‘here and now’ is raised, and through raised awareness change is likely to occur. Typical feedback statements that might be used by the counsellor when helping a person undertake an experiential exercise include: You're smiling. You took a deep breath then... You seem reluctant to move position. Your arms are folded tightly. You laughed when ... You sighed. PROCESSING THE WORK After a person has engaged in an experiential exercise the process is usually continued by inviting them to sit down and talk about the experience. Often when doing this the person will discover new ways of thinking about the issues they have been exploring, and new ways of responding to these issues.

EXPERIENTIAL EXERCISES FOR PARTICULAR PURPOSES Although there are many different ways to work experientially, in this chapter we will only describe the use of cushions for helping a person engage in particular experiential exercises. We keep a pile of coloured cushions of various shapes, sizes, colours, designs and textures in a corner of our counselling room. These cushions can be used for a variety of experiential exercises, such as enabling a person to: • dialogue with a protagonist • dialogue with a number of people • dialogue between parts of self • make decisions. DIALOGUING WITH A PROTAGONIST It is quite common for people who come to counselling to be troubled by a relationship with someone else. In this case it can often be helpful to invite the person to do an experiential exercise. Firstly, they can be invited to look through the pile of cushions and to select a cushion to represent themselves. Once they have selected a cushion, the counsellor might ask, 'What is this cushion like?’ After they have responded the counsellor might follow up by asking, ‘Can you tell me more?’ If the person is able to do this the counsellor might continue by asking, ‘Is there anything more you can tell me about this cushion?" When a person is asked these three questions it is common for them to go into some detail about the characteristics of the cushion. The counsellor might then say, ‘You chose that cushion to represent yourself; are you able to tell me in what ways you are like that cushion and in what ways you are different?’ When the person is asked these questions their awareness of the way they see themselves is raised and this can be helpful. 1 he next step in the process is to ask the person seeking help to select another cushion to represent the person with whom they have an issue or relationship problem. Once this cushion has been selected they are invited to describe the cushion to enable them to connect with the characteristics of the person with whom they have an issue. They can then be invited to place the cushion representing themselves and the cushion representing the other person on the floor separate from each other. The counsellor can next model what they would like the person seeking help to do. To do this the counsellor might say, i So me times 1 will ask you to stand behind the cushion that represents you and face the other cushion, like this’, and demonstrate by standing in the desired position. 'At other times 1 would like you to stand behind the cushion that represents Frank, like this’ (where Frank is the other person). The person can then be invited to stand beside their own cushion. When they are standing there the counsellor can stand beside them and invite them to imagine that the other person is standing where the cushion that represents them has been placed, and to say what they would like to say to the other person. The counsellor might invite the person to give an uncensored version of what they would really like to say. Once the person has addressed the other person, the counsellor can invite them to move behind the cushion representing the other person and to imagine that they are the other person. They can then be invited to reply to the statement they made previously when talking to the imagined other person. During the process, the counsellor can instruct the person to move backwards and forwards from role-playing themselves to role-playing the other person, and in each position to respond to what has been said so that a dialogue is created. Role-playing in this way can be helpful in enabling a person to have a better understanding of the relationship issues involved, and to be able to make decisions about how to behave and what to say in the future in order to manage the situation more helpfully. After the dialoguing has continued sufficiently, the counsellor can invite the person to sit down and process the experience as explained. Sometimes it can be useful for the counsellor to act as an alter ego while the dialoguing is continuing. USE OF THE ALTER EGO STRATEGY Before using the alter ego strategy it can be helpful for the counsellor to explain how they might act as an alter ego during the experiential exercise. 1 he counsellor might say, 'At times 1 might stand beside you and say what I think you would really like to say on your behalf; however, if what 1 say doesn’t fit for you, 1 would like you to tell me.' While dialoguing with a protagonist, as explained previously, it might be that the person seeking help will say in a quiet voice to the other person (called Frank), 'Frank, 1 don’t like it when you ignore me.’ The counsellor might know that they are extremely angry with Frank and in this case might stand beside the person and say in a Very loud voice directed at Frank’s cushion, ‘Frank, you infuriate me when you ignore me!’ By doing this the counsellor demonstrates to the person that it is OK in the counselling situation to give an uncensored and forceful expression of feelings. As a consequence the person may be able to vent their feelings openly and experience cathartic release. DIALOGUING WITH A NUMBER OF PEOPLE Sometimes a person will come to counselling and be troubled by their relationships with a number of people, possibly in their family or in their work environment. In this case, the counsellor can invite them to choose cushions for themselves and also for all of the people involved and to place them in separate places on the floor. The person can then be invited to stand beside their own cushion and imagine that the other cushions represent the people concerned. 1 he counsellor can then invite them to say what they want to any individual represented by a cushion. In a similar way to that described previously, dialoguing is encouraged between the person seeking help and the other individuals. After the exercise has reached a suitable stopping point, the person can be invited to sit down and the experience can be processed, as described previously. When processing the exercise it can be useful to ask the person what they have discovered as a result of engaging them in the activity.

DIALOGUING BETWEEN PARTS OF SELF As explained in Chapter 23, human beings are often confronted by the polarities in their personalities. When exploring polarities using an experiential approach we first invite the person seeking help to identify the particular polarities that are troubling them, for example, let us consider a case where a person is extremely submissive, and is afraid to use the powerful part of self In this case we might ask them to choose a cushion to represent the submissive part of self, and to choose another cushion to represent the powerful part of self Having done this, we invite them to place the cushions 1 or 2 metres apart on the floor. They are next invited to stand beside either one of the cushions. Imagine that the person chose to stand beside the cushion representing the submissive part of self. We then invite them to say what it is like being submissive. Next we invite them to move and stand beside the cushion that represents the powerful part of self. Once again they are invited to talk about what it is like to be in this position. Additionally, they might be invited to dialogue between the two polarities, so that the submissive part of self might talk to the powerful part of self, and vice Versa. As the submissive part of self, when standing beside the ‘submissive’ cushion, the person might say to the powerful part of self represented by the other cushion, ‘People won’t like you if you behave like that’ and ‘Nice people are like me, submissive’. When standing beside the powerful cushion, they might say to the other cushion, ‘People will walk all over you like a doormat’. Similarly to dialoguing with a protagonist, the counsellor can invite the person to move from cushion to cushion so that the dialogue between the two pans of self continues. While the person is engaged in the dialogue, or is moving from one cushion to the other, it can be very useful for the counsellor to feedback to them any non-verbal behaviour that is observed. Finally, the counsellor might invite the person to walk slowdy backwards and forwards between the two cushions, stopping in various positions. By encouraging them to do this, they are likely to recognise that they can move to any position they choose at any particular time and in any particular situation. Consequently, they are empowered to use both parts of self. Additionally, they may recognise that it is possible to be in an intermediate position where they are not totally powerful or totally submissive, but somewhere in between. MAKING DECISIONS Many people have trouble in making decisions, and for such people it can sometimes be useful to suggest that they might like to participate in an experiential exercise to help them explore their options more fully. 1 he first step in the process is to enable them to identify the alternatives that are available. Having done this, they can then be invited to choose cushions to represent each of the alternatives. It can be helpful if they are able to connect aspects of each alternative with the characteristics of the cushion chosen to represent that alternative. 1 his allows them to anchor their ideas about the various alternatives in the cushions. I he cushions selected can then be placed in separate positions on the floor. Next, the person can be invited to stand by any one of the cushions. When they stand beside a particular cushion the counsellor can ask them to imagine that they have made a decision to choose the option represented by that cushion. The person can be invited to talk about what it is like to have chosen that option, and to describe this in terms of both positives and negatives. They can then be invited to stand beside another cushion of their choice and talk about what it is like to have chosen that option. This process can be repeated so that the person experiences what it would be like to have chosen each of the options. While this activity is proceeding, the counsellor needs to make use of the skills of observation, feedback and questions, in order to raise the person’s awareness of their inner experience in terms of their bodily sensations, emotional feelings and thoughts. When the person stands beside a particular cushion and talks in a negative way about the choice it represents, it can be helpful for the counsellor to suggest they move to a different cushion. By doing this they might experience more positive emotional feelings and thoughts. Generally, by moving from cushion to cushion, and experiencing what it would be like to have chosen each of the options, the person will reach a point where, through a process of elimination, they discover the best alternative for them. When doing this particular experiential exercise we believe that it is important to remember that it is OK for a person to remain stuck and unable to make a decision. Paradoxically, as explained earlier in the book, if a person is pressed to make a decision they will find it more difficult to make one, whereas if they are given time they may eventually come to a decision which suits them. Having said this, it is sometimes helpful to use what is called the guru strategy to enable a person to reach a decision between options. THE GURU STRATEGY When a person is stuck and unable to make a decision it may be helpful to invite them to stand separately from any of the cushions that represent their options and to imagine that they are a guru, or Very wise person. Imagine that we are counselling a person called Alice. When Alice has taken up the position of the guru the counsellor can say, ‘Guru, 1 would like you to give Alice some advice, fell her what to do.’ Interestingly, most people are good at giving other people advice, and frequently a person placed in the guru position will give themselves some strong advice. After this it may be helpful for the counsellor to process the experience with them with regard to any discoveries they may have made.

IN CONCLUSION As we indicated earlier, experiential methods are extremely powerful and can be very helpful for a person seeking help, provided that they are willing to participate in such an exercise. New counsellors who would like to explore the use of experiential approaches would be sensible to undertake practical training in either Gestalt Therapy or Psychodrama. Because the approaches are experiential, they are most effectively learnt through experience on a training course rather than through reading a description in a textbook such as this. Learning summary An experiential exercise can be very powerful in enabling a person seeking help to explore issues, get in touch with emotional feelings, make decisions and change. Experiential therapies are hoi stic and emphasise the way that bodily experiences, emotional feelings and thoughts are interconnected. The counsellor's role involves directing the experiential exercise. Important counselling skills used by the experiential counsellor are the use of observation, feedback and questions. It is useful to process an experiential exercise by enabling the person seeking help to talk about the experience. Experiential exercises can be used for dialoguing with a single protagonist or with a number of people, dialoguing between parts of self, and making decisions. The alter ego strategy can help a person to get more fully in touch with their emotional feelings. The guru strategy can be useful in enabling a person to make a decision between alternatives. Further reading Baker, N. 2009, The Experiential Counselling Primer, PCCS, Koss-on-Wyc. Clarkson, P. Ca vicchia, S. 2014, Gestalt Counselling in Action, 4th edn, SAGE, London. Houston, G. 2003, Brief Gestalt Therapy, SAGE, London.