24. 重构

重新框定

你是否注意到，两个人观察同一个事件，比如一场足球比赛，会给出不同的描述？我们每个人都有自己独特的视角，别人看待事物的方式可能与你或我不同。有时来咨询的人对世界有非常消极的看法。他们根据自己对事件的理解进行解读，但往往是从抑郁或低自尊的角度出发。咨询师需要非常仔细地倾听他们对事件或情况的描述，然后尝试从对方的角度看，并描绘出他们所描述的情景。他们从自己的角度描绘的画面将有一个适合他们的框架，因为它符合他们特定的心情和观点。

重新框定的过程

有时，一位熟练的咨询师可以通过重新框定对方描述的画面来改变他们对事件或情况的看法。打个比方，咨询师给画面换了一个新的框架，使画面看起来不同。重新框定的目的不是否认对方看待世界的方式，而是向他们展示一个更广阔的世界观。然后，如果他们愿意，可以选择以新的方式看待事物。

如果一个人真的以非常消极的方式看待世界，对他们说“事情并没有你想象的那么糟；振作起来！”是毫无用处的。然而，可能通过描述他们所看到的事物，使他们对所发生的事情有一个更广阔的视野，从而能够少一些消极的思考。

图24.1 个人最初的画面

图24.2 重新框定的画面

重新框定的例子

例1

寻求帮助的人解释说，她似乎无法放松，因为只要她一转身，她的儿子就会表现不好，她不得不追着他并惩罚他。咨询师已经反映了她对此的感受，现在她冷静下来了。在这个时候，咨询师决定就她儿子的行为提出一个重新框定。 咨询师重新框定：「我感觉你对你儿子来说非常重要，他希望得到你很多的关注。」通过这一陈述，咨询师以积极的方式重新框定了儿子的行为，所以如果她接受这个重新框定，她可能会感到自己很重要并且被需要。也许她会开始相信，她的儿子实际上是在呼唤更多的关注，并且会以不同的方式看待他的行为：他的行为并不是为了惹她生气，而是为了吸引她的注意，以便得到更多的时间。通过这种方式重新框定孩子的行为，有可能使母亲对儿子的态度更加积极，这种关系的变化可能会带来行为的变化。

例2

寻求帮助的人解释说，他一直在生女儿的气，因为她不愿意学习和完成学业，而是喜欢和他称之为“恶棍”的人玩。他解释说，他几乎无法应对自己的愤怒，感到非常紧张和痛苦。 咨询师重新框定：「看起来你非常关心你的女儿，非常希望她成为你希望的样子，以至于你愿意牺牲自己放松和享受生活的需要，而投入大量精力试图纠正她的行为。」这个重新框定可以让父亲对自己的感受更加积极，而不是感到消极和愤怒。他现在可能能够看到自己对女儿的关心，并且意识到他在把女儿的需求放在自己的需求之前。他被提醒需要放松和享受自己的生活。通过重新框定，可以将焦点从女儿转移到他自己身上，从而减轻一些紧张感。

例3

寻求帮助的人被迫与丈夫分开。她的丈夫现在推开她，拒绝与她交谈或见她，这对她造成了极大的伤害。她分享了自己的痛苦和煎熬，咨询师反映了她的感受，并让她充分探索这些感受。然而，咨询师现在重新框定了她丈夫的行为。 咨询师重新框定：「你描述了你看到的丈夫推开你，不愿意与你交谈的情况，这让你非常痛苦。我在想，他这样做是否真的是因为他自己的不足。也许你的丈夫无法应对与你交谈的情感压力，当他看到你时感到内疚，对他来说，完全避免见到你比面对自己的情感痛苦更容易。你觉得这有可能吗？」当咨询师谨慎地提出这种替代解释时，她可能会看到，她丈夫拒绝与她有任何联系可能有其他原因，也许他也感到痛苦，无法面对与她见面的经历。咨询师的目标是使她更容易接受丈夫的拒绝。

例4

一位高级执行官向咨询师描述了他下周要在一个大型专业人士会议上发表演讲的恐惧，尽管他希望有机会告诉他们他的工作成果。咨询师反映了他的一些感受，并让他在一定程度上处理了这些感受。咨询师随后提出了以下重新框定。 咨询师重新框定：「在我看来，你对发表演讲有混合的感觉。有时候我几乎觉得你在期待它，而你又说你非常焦虑。我在想，你能否把你的焦虑看作是被抑制的兴奋。有时，当一个人阻止自己感到兴奋时，焦虑就会占据上风。如果他们能够放手，让自己感到热情和兴奋，那么焦虑就会减少甚至消失，取而代之的是兴奋。」在这里，咨询师使用了格式塔疗法中的一个有用的重新框定，即将焦虑重新框定为被抑制的兴奋。很多时候，我们抑制自己的情感，限制自己，使我们无法享受生活中令人兴奋的部分，而是将令人兴奋的事件消极地框定为焦虑的时刻。一个很好的例子是新娘准备婚礼的方式。一种思考方式是说，「哇，那真是一个让人焦虑的局面」。另一种看待它的方式，即重新框定，是说，「哇，这将是一个非常令人兴奋的日子，会很有趣」。

例5

寻求帮助的人解释说，他经常被老板伤害，老板不理他。老板甚至不看他，早上遇见他也不说“你好”，直接走过他身边。 咨询师重新框定：「你向我解释了你的老板直接走过你身边，不注意你的情况。我在想，是否有一种替代的解释。当然，她可能是故意冷落你。另一方面，她可能非常心不在焉，大部分时间都不在状态。」在这个重新框定中，咨询师提出了一个可能部分真实的替代解释。老板很可能有时心不在焉，这可能是一个部分的解释。通过提出这种可能的解释，咨询师减轻了老板忽视他的刺痛感，他可能会在与她的关系中感到不那么紧张。

例6

寻求帮助的人向咨询师解释了他的自卑感和失败感。他知道自己的智力很高，这让他更感到糟糕，因为他从未完成过任何他开始的项目。他会热情地开始，但很快失去兴趣。他因一连串过去的“失败”——他开始但半途而废的事情——而深感沮丧。 咨询师重新框定：「你似乎是一个非常聪明的人，完全有能力完成你开始的任何项目。我的猜测是，你对新项目感到兴奋，因为它们带来了挑战，而当你认为挑战很容易克服时，你就失去了兴趣。因为你非常聪明，你会很快感到无聊，并寻找新的刺激。」这个重新框定使他能够对自己感觉良好，而不是认为自己是一个失败者。他可以选择去做那些无聊的事情并完成一个项目，也可以选择继续寻找刺激而不感到那么内疚。如你所见，重新框定需要谨慎、敏感和试探性地进行。如果以这种方式进行，就更有可能被寻求帮助的人接受。有时，他们可能认为重新框定不符合实际情况。然而，通过提供一种看待事物的替代方式，他们可能会拓宽视角，从而减少他们的痛苦感。

重新框定的练习示例

你可能想尝试重新框定下面示例7到11中寻求帮助的人所做出的陈述。在你自己提出一个重新框定后，你可以将自己的重新框定与我们建议的重新框定进行比较。我们的建议重新框定在示例11之后提供。

示例7

寻求帮助的人：「我渴望与某人建立长期的关系，但我总是遇到一段接一段的短期关系。我似乎无法留住我的女性朋友。她们总是批评我太不安分，从不放松，没有人愿意和我在一起。」

示例8

寻求帮助的人：「我父亲恨我。我敢肯定。他对我的一切行为都挑剔。他一直跟着我，抱怨我的行为。他希望我像一个高傲的势利鬼，而不是一个正常的人。不仅如此，他还总是催促我多学习。」

示例9

寻求帮助的人：「我每天有太多事情要做，我对自己的错误感到非常生气。确实，我做了很多事情，但我总是忘记事情，混淆安排。我真是一无是处。我什么时候才能学会呢？」

示例10

寻求帮助的人：「我对母亲非常生气。她让我的妹妹安妮特用自杀威胁和拒绝正常饮食来操纵她。妈妈忙得团团转，满足她的一切需求。这对妈妈不公平，我希望妈妈不要再这么做了。」

示例11

寻求帮助的人：「我的儿子又失业了，我怨恨不得不在经济上支持他。为什么我要把钱花在一个对我如此刻薄的人身上？如果我让他饿肚子，他会得到应有的报应。让我生气的是，他知道可以对我不好，然后轻易地控制我，我会支持他。我为自己这么容易被操纵而感到愤怒。」

建议的重新框定练习示例

示例7

建议的重新框定：「你一定对异性很有吸引力，才能开始这么多新的关系。听你这么说，你似乎有很多能量，我在想，你之前的女性朋友是否能长时间满足你。」

示例8

建议的重新框定：「你认为有可能是你父亲并不恨你，只是过度担心你？也许他非常希望你成功，担心你在生活中失败。」

示例9

建议的重新框定：「什么都不做的人永远不会犯错。犯错可能是一个迹象，表明你正如你所说，『做了很多事情』。你可以为此感到自豪。」

示例10

建议的重新框定：「你母亲一定非常关心安妮特，才会选择做她所做的事。」

示例11

建议的重新框定：「你一定是一个非常有爱心的人，才会选择支持你的儿子，尤其是你并不喜欢他的行为。」

学习总结

重新框定提供了更广阔的视角，这可能使寻求帮助的人以不同且更具建设性的方式看待他们的处境。
重新框定需要谨慎和敏感地进行。
重新框定应该以一种方式提出，使寻求帮助的人感到舒适，无论是选择接受还是拒绝。

进一步阅读

Bandler, R., Grinder, J., & Andreas, C. 1989, Reframing: Neurolinguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning, Real People Press, Moab, UT.
Ivey, A.E., Ivey, M.B., & Zalaquett, C.P. 2015, ‘Reflections of meaning and interpretation/reframing’, in Essentials of Intentional Interviewing: Counseling in a Multicultural World, Cengage Learning, Boston, pp. 198—216.
O’Connor, J. & Seymour, J. 2003, Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People, 2nd edn, Thorsons, London.

本章知识点阐述

进一步阐述知识点

重新框定的意义

个人视角的多样性

不同描述

不同的人对同一事件会有不同的描述，这是因为每个人都有自己独特的视角和经历。

个体差异

别人的视角可能与你的不同，这反映了个体之间的多样性和复杂性。

消极视角的影响

消极看法

一些来咨询的人可能对世界有非常消极的看法，这种看法往往受到抑郁或低自尊的影响。

影响解释

消极的视角会影响他们对事件的解释和理解，使他们倾向于看到负面的方面。

重新框定的过程

倾听和理解

仔细倾听

咨询师需要非常仔细地倾听来访者的描述，理解他们的感受和观点。

换位思考

从来访者的角度出发，尝试理解他们所描述的情景，这有助于建立信任和共鸣。

重新框定的方法

新框架

通过给来访者描述的画面换一个新的框架，使画面看起来不同。这并不是否认来访者的感受，而是提供一个新的视角。

扩展视野

重新框定的目的是扩展来访者的视野，让他们看到更多的可能性和积极的一面。

避免无效安慰

无效安慰

简单地说“事情并没有你想象的那么糟；振作起来！”通常是无效的，因为这没有真正触及到来访者的内心感受。

有效引导

通过描述他们所看到的事物，使他们对所发生的事情有一个更广阔的视野，从而能够少一些消极的思考。

重新框定的实际应用

案例分析

消极描述

来访者可能描述自己在工作中的失败，认为自己无能。

重新框定

咨询师可以指出，这次失败是一个学习的机会，可以帮助来访者在未来做得更好。

心理调适

情绪调节

通过重新框定，帮助来访者调节情绪，减少消极情绪的影响。

行为改变

重新框定可以促使来访者采取积极的行动，改变消极的行为模式。

增强自我效能感

自信提升

重新框定有助于增强来访者的自我效能感，使他们相信自己有能力应对挑战。

积极心态

通过重新框定，来访者可以培养更积极的心态，更好地面对生活中的困难。

总结

重新框定是一种有效的心理咨询技术，通过给来访者描述的画面换一个新的框架，帮助他们从不同的角度看待问题。这不仅有助于扩展来访者的视野，减少消极情绪，还能促进他们采取积极的行动，增强自我效能感。无论是通过倾听和理解，还是通过具体的案例分析，重新框定都能在咨询过程中发挥重要作用，帮助来访者更好地理解和应对自己的问题。

学习总结

个人视角的多样性
- 不同描述：不同的人对同一事件有不同的描述。
- 个体差异：每个人的视角和经历都是独特的。
消极视角的影响
- 消极看法：消极的视角可能受到抑郁或低自尊的影响。
- 影响解释：消极的视角会影响对事件的解释和理解。
重新框定的过程
- 倾听和理解：仔细倾听和换位思考。
- 重新框定的方法：提供新框架和扩展视野。
避免无效安慰
- 无效安慰：简单的安慰通常是无效的。
- 有效引导：提供更广阔的视野和新的视角。
重新框定的实际应用
- 案例分析：通过具体的案例帮助来访者看到新的可能性。
- 心理调适：情绪调节和行为改变。
- 增强自我效能感：自信提升和积极心态。

参考文献和进一步阅读

de Shazer, S. 1985, Keys to Solution in Brief Therapy, W.W. Norton & Company, New York.
O'Connell, B. 1998, Solution Focused Therapy: Helping People with Problems to Succeed, Allen & Unwin, St Leonards, NSW.
Berg, I.K. & Miller, S.D. 1992, Working with the Problem Drinker: A Solution-Focused Approach, Norton, New York.

进一步阐述知识点

重新框定的意义

个人视角的多样性

不同描述

不同的人对同一事件会有不同的描述，这是因为每个人都有自己独特的视角和经历。

个体差异

别人的视角可能与你的不同，这反映了个体之间的多样性和复杂性。

消极视角的影响

消极看法

一些来咨询的人可能对世界有非常消极的看法，这种看法往往受到抑郁或低自尊的影响。

影响解释

消极的视角会影响他们对事件的解释和理解，使他们倾向于看到负面的方面。

重新框定的过程

倾听和理解

仔细倾听

咨询师需要非常仔细地倾听来访者的描述，理解他们的感受和观点。

换位思考

从来访者的角度出发，尝试理解他们所描述的情景，这有助于建立信任和共鸣。

重新框定的方法

新框架

通过给来访者描述的画面换一个新的框架，使画面看起来不同。这并不是否认来访者的感受，而是提供一个新的视角。

扩展视野

重新框定的目的是扩展来访者的视野，让他们看到更多的可能性和积极的一面。

避免无效安慰

无效安慰

简单地说“事情并没有你想象的那么糟；振作起来！”通常是无效的，因为这没有真正触及到来访者的内心感受。

有效引导

通过描述他们所看到的事物，使他们对所发生的事情有一个更广阔的视野，从而能够少一些消极的思考。

具体案例分析

总结

学习总结

个人视角的多样性
- 不同描述：不同的人对同一事件有不同的描述。
- 个体差异：每个人的视角和经历都是独特的。
消极视角的影响
- 消极看法：消极的视角可能受到抑郁或低自尊的影响。
- 影响解释：消极的视角会影响对事件的解释和理解。
重新框定的过程
- 倾听和理解：仔细倾听和换位思考。
- 重新框定的方法：提供新框架和扩展视野。
避免无效安慰
- 无效安慰：简单的安慰通常是无效的。
- 有效引导：提供更广阔的视野和新的视角。
具体案例分析
- 母子关系：重新框定儿子的行为。
- 父女关系：重新框定父亲的付出。
- 夫妻关系：重新框定丈夫的行为。
- 职场演讲：重新框定焦虑。
- 职场关系：重新框定老板的行为。
- 个人成就：重新框定挑战和兴趣。

参考文献和进一步阅读

de Shazer, S. 1985, Keys to Solution in Brief Therapy, W.W. Norton & Company, New York.
O'Connell, B. 1998, Solution Focused Therapy: Helping People with Problems to Succeed, Allen & Unwin, St Leonards, NSW.
Berg, I.K. & Miller, S.D. 1992, Working with the Problem Drinker: A Solution-Focused Approach, Norton, New York.

进一步阐述知识点

重新框定的意义

扩展视角

不同视角

重新框定可以帮助寻求帮助的人从不同的角度看待问题，从而获得更全面和积极的视角。

建设性思考

通过重新框定，人们可以以更建设性的方式看待自己的处境，减少消极情绪，增强解决问题的能力。

敏感和谨慎

尊重感受

重新框定需要尊重寻求帮助的人的感受，不应否认他们的体验。

温和提出

重新框定应该以温和和试探性的方式提出，使对方感到舒适，无论是接受还是拒绝。

具体案例分析

总结

重新框定是一种有效的心理咨询技术，通过给寻求帮助的人提供一个新的视角，帮助他们以不同且更具建设性的方式看待自己的问题。这不仅有助于扩展他们的视野，减少消极情绪，还能促进他们采取积极的行动，增强自我效能感。无论是通过倾听和理解，还是通过具体的案例分析，重新框定都能在咨询过程中发挥重要作用，帮助寻求帮助的人更好地理解和应对自己的问题。

学习总结

重新框定的意义
- 扩展视角：
  - 不同视角：帮助寻求帮助的人从不同的角度看待问题。
  - 建设性思考：以更建设性的方式看待自己的处境。
- 敏感和谨慎：
  - 尊重感受：尊重寻求帮助的人的感受，不应否认他们的体验。
  - 温和提出：以温和和试探性的方式提出，使对方感到舒适。
具体案例分析
- 人际关系：重新框定对异性的吸引力。
- 父子关系：重新框定父亲的关心和期望。
- 自我效能：重新框定犯错的意义。
- 家庭关系：重新框定母亲的爱和关怀。
- 亲子关系：重新框定支持儿子的行为。

参考文献和进一步阅读

de Shazer, S. 1985, Keys to Solution in Brief Therapy, W.W. Norton & Company, New York.
O'Connell, B. 1998, Solution Focused Therapy: Helping People with Problems to Succeed, Allen & Unwin, St Leonards, NSW.
Berg, I.K. & Miller, S.D. 1992, Working with the Problem Drinker: A Solution-Focused Approach, Norton, New York.

进一步阐述知识点

重新框定的意义

扩展视角

不同视角

重新框定可以帮助寻求帮助的人从不同的角度看待问题，从而获得更全面和积极的视角。

建设性思考

通过重新框定，人们可以以更建设性的方式看待自己的处境，减少消极情绪，增强解决问题的能力。

敏感和谨慎

尊重感受

重新框定需要尊重寻求帮助的人的感受，不应否认他们的体验。

温和提出

重新框定应该以温和和试探性的方式提出，使对方感到舒适，无论是接受还是拒绝。

具体案例分析

总结

学习总结

重新框定的意义
- 扩展视角
  - 不同视角：帮助寻求帮助的人从不同的角度看待问题。
  - 建设性思考：以更建设性的方式看待自己的处境。
- 敏感和谨慎
  - 尊重感受：尊重寻求帮助的人的感受，不应否认他们的体验。
  - 温和提出：以温和和试探性的方式提出，使对方感到舒适。
具体案例分析
- 人际关系：重新框定对异性的吸引力。
- 父子关系：重新框定父亲的关心和期望。
- 自我效能：重新框定犯错的意义。
- 家庭关系：重新框定母亲的爱和关怀。
- 亲子关系：重新框定支持儿子的行为。

参考文献和进一步阅读

de Shazer, S. 1985, Keys to Solution in Brief Therapy, W.W. Norton & Company, New York.
O'Connell, B. 1998, Solution Focused Therapy: Helping People with Problems to Succeed, Allen & Unwin, St Leonards, NSW.
Berg, I.K. & Miller, S.D. 1992, Working with the Problem Drinker: A Solution-Focused Approach, Norton, New York.

24 Reframing Have you ever noticed how two people who observe the same event, such as a game of football, will give different descriptions of what happened? We all have individual perspectives, and the way that another person sees things may well be different from the way that you or 1 see things. Sometimes people who come for counselling have a very negative view of the world. They interpret events as they see them, blit often viewed from a position of depression or low self-esteem. The counsellor needs to listen very carefully to their description of the events or situation, and then try to look from the person’s viewpoint and picture what they have described. Their picture, painted from their own perspective, will have a frame that is appropriate for them because it fits with their own particular mood and viewpoint.

THE PROCESS OF REFRAMING Sometimes a skilful counsellor can change the way a person perceives events or situations by refraining the picture they have described. I he counsellor, metaphorically speaking, puts a new frame around the picture so that the picture looks different. The idea behind refraining is not to deny the way the person sees the world, but to present them with an expanded view of the world. 1 hen, if they wish, the person may choose to see things in a new way. It would be quite useless to say to someone, ‘ Things are not really as bad as you think; cheer up!’, if they really see the world in a very negative way. However, it may be possible to describe what they see in such a way that they have a broader vision of what has occurred and so are able to think less negatively.

Figure 24.1 The person's initial picture Figure 24.2 The reframed picture

EXAMPLES OF REFRAMING Example 1 The person seeking help has explained that she seems to be unable to relax, because as soon as she turns her back her young son misbehaves and she has to chase after him and punish him. The counsellor has reflected back her feelings about this and now she is calmer. At this point the counsellor decides to offer her a reframe concerning the behaviour of her son. Counsellor reframe: 'I get the impression that you are really important to your son and that he wants lots of attention from you.' By making this statement, the counsellor has reframed the son’s behaviour in a positive way, so that the mother may, if she accepts the re frame, feel important and needed. Maybe she will start to believe that her son is really crying out for more attention and will see his behaviour differently: rather than his behaviour being designed to annoy her, she may see it as designed to attract her attention so that he can get more of her time. By refraining the child’s behaviour in this way, there is a possibility that the mother may feel more positive towards her son and that this change in relationship could bring about a change in behaviour. Example 2 The person seeking help has explained that he is continually getting angry with his daughter, who will not study and attend to her schoolwork but instead prefers to play around with what he describes as yobbos'. He explains how he can hardly cope with his anger and is getting uptight and feeling very miserable. Counsellor reframe: 'It seems as though you care so much about your daughter, and you care so much about her turning out to be the sort of person that you want her to be, that you are prepared to sacrifice your own needs for a relaxed and enjoyable life, instead putting a great deal of energy into trying to correct her behaviour.' This re frame allows the father to feel positive about himself instead of feeling negative and angry. He may now be able to see himself as caring about his daughter, and also may be able to see that he is putting his daughter’s needs ahead of his own. He is reminded of his need to be relaxed and enjoy his own life. The reframe might take some of the tension out of the situation by removing the focus from the daughter and putting it onto the person himself.

Example 3 The person seeking help has separated from her husband against her will. Her husband is now pushing her away and hurting her badly by refusing to talk to her or to see her. She has shared her pain and suffering and the counsellor has reflected her feelings and allowed her to explore them fully. However, the counsellor now reframes the husband's behaviour. Counsellor reframe: 'You've described the way you see your husband pushing you away and not being prepared to talk to you, and that hurts you terribly. I'm wondering whether it is possible that what he is doing is really a result of his own inadequacy. Maybe your husband can't cope with the emotional pressure of talking to you, feels guilty when he sees you, and it's easier for him to avoid seeing you altogether rather than to face his own emotional pain. Do you think that's possible?' When the counsellor tentatively proposes this alternative, the person may see that there could be other reasons for her husband refusing to have anything to do with her, and that it may be that he is also hulling and can’t face the experience of seeing her. T he counsellor’s goal is to try to make it easier for her to accept her husband’s rejection. Example 4 A senior executive has described to the counsellor how terrified he is of having to stand up and address a large meeting of professionals the following week, even though he wants to have the opportunity to tell them about the work he has done. The counsellor has reflected his feelings and allowed him, to some extent, to work through them. _he counsellor then offers the following reframe. Counsellor reframe: ’It seems to me that you have mixed feelings about giving the talk. At times I almost get the impression that you are looking forward to it, and yet you say that you are very anxious about it. I am wondering if it would be possible for you to think of your anxiety as blocked excitement. Sometimes anxiety takes over when a person stops themselves from being excited. If they can let go and allow themselves to be enthusiastic and excited, then the anxiety reduces or even disappears as it is replaced by excitement.' 1 he counsellor here is using a useful reframe from Gestalt Therapy by reframing anxiety as blocked excitement. Very often, holding our emotional selves in and putting restraints on ourselves prevents us from enjoying the exciting parts of our lives as we negatively reframe exciting events as anxious moments. A good example of this is the way a bride may prepare for her wedding. One way of thinking about going through the wedding ceremony and the reception is to say, ‘Wow, that’s a really anxiety-producing situation’. Another way of looking at it, a reframe, is to say, ‘Wow, this is going to be a really exciting day and it’s going to be fun’.

Example 5 The person seeking help explains how he is frequently being hurt by the boss, who ignores him. The boss doesn't even look at him and she doesn't say 'Hello' when she meets him in the morning. She walks straight past him. Counsellor reframe: 'You've explained to me how your boss walks straight past you without noticing you, and I'm wondering if there is an alternative explanation for what's happening. Sure, it may be that she really does intend to snub you. On the other hand, is it possible that she gets terribly preoccupied and really isn't on this planet half the time?' In this reframe, the counsellor is presenting an alternative that may be partly true. It’s quite likely that the boss is sometimes preoccupied, and that may be a partial explanation. By putting this possible explanation up as an alternative, the counsellor takes some of the sting out of the boss ignoring the person, and he may then feel less uptight in his relationship with her. Example 6 The person seeking help explained to the counsellor his feelings of inadequacy and failure. He knew that he was intellectually bright and that made him feel worse because he never completed any project he started. He would start enthusiastically and soon lose interest. He was deeply depressed by a long string of past 'failures' - things that he had started and then left half-finished. Counsellor reframe: 'You seem to be a very intelligent person who is quite capable of completing any of the projects you have started. My guess is that you are excited by new projects because they present a challenge, and that you lose interest only when you believe that the challenge is easy for you to meet. Because you are highly intelligent you very quickly get bored and look for new stimulation." This reframe enables the person to feel good about himself instead of perceiving himself as a failure. He is then left with the possibility that he can decide to do the boring thing and complete a project if he wishes, or can choose to continue looking for excitement and stimulation without feeling so guilty. As you can see, re framing needs to be done carefully, sensitively and tentatively. If it is done in this way, it is more likely to be accepted by the person seeking help. Sometimes, though, the person may not think that the re frame fits. However, by being offered an alternative way of viewing things they may be able to broaden their perspective, with a resulting reduction in their distressing feelings.

PRACTICE EXAMPLES FOR REFRAMING You might like to try refraining the statements made by persons seeking help given in Examples 7 to 11 below. After suggesting a reframe yourself, you might like to compare your reframe with the one we have suggested. Our suggested reframes are provided after Example 11. Example 7 Person seeking help: ! crave a Long-term relationship with someone, and all I get is short relationship after short relationship. I just don't seem to be able to hold on to my women friends. They always criticise me for being so restless and for never relaxing, and none of them want to stay with me.' Example 8 Person seeking help: JMy father hates me. I'm sure. He picks on me for everything I do. All the time he follows me around and complains about my behaviour. He wants me to behave like a toffy-nosed snob instead of a normal human being. Not only that, but he's always nagging me to study more'' Example 9 Person seeking help: Tve got so much that I have to do in a day and I get so angry with myself because 1 keep making mistakes. Sure, I get lots done, but I keep forgetting things and mixing arrangements up. I'm hopeless. When will I learn?' Example 10 Person seeking help: Tm furious with my mother. She lets my sister, Annette, manipulate her with suicide threats and her refusal to eat properly. Mum rushes around attending to her every need. It's just not fair on Mum and I wish Mum would stop doing it.' Example 11 Person seeking help: 'My sons unemployed again, and I resent havin g to support him financially. Why should I spend my money on a person who's mean and nasty to me? It would serve him right if I let him starve. What annoys me is that he knows that he can treat me badly and then twist me around his little finger and I will support him. I'm angry at myself for being so stupid as to be manipulated so easily.'

SUGGESTED REFRAMES FOR PRACTICE EXAMPLES Example 7 'You must be attractive to the opposite sex to be able to start so many new relationships. By the sound of it you have plenty of energy, and I wonder whether the women friends you've had would have been able to satisfy you for very long.' Example 8 'Do you think it's possible that your father doesn't hate you but just worries excessively about you? Maybe he desperately wants you to be a success and worries in case you fail in life.' Example 9 'People who do nothing never make mistakes. Making mistakes could be a sign that you are, to use your words, ''getting lots done". You could feel good about that.' Example 10 'Your mother must care a great deal about Annette to choose to do what she does.' Example 11 'You must be a very caring person to choose to support your son, especially as you don't like his behaviour much.'

Learning summary Reframing provides an expanded picture, which may enable the person seeking help to perceive their situation differently and more constructively. Reframing needs to be done sensitively and carefully. A reframe should be offered in such a way that the person seeking help can feel comfortable either in choosing to accept it or in choosing to reject it. Further reading 13andlei\ R., (1rinder, J. & Andteas. (’. 1989, Refnwiiiig: Neurolinguistic Ihogiainmiiig and the Iransformation of Meaning, Kcal People Press, Moab, UT. Ivey, A.E., Ivey, M.13. & Zalaquett, C.P. 2015, ‘Reflections of meaning and in teip rotation/re framing’, in A.E. Ivey, M.B. Ivey & C.P. Zalaquett, Essentials of Intentional Interviewing: Counselling in a Multicultural World, C en gage Learning, Boston, pp. 198—216. O’Connor, J. & Seymour, J. 2003, Introducing A LR Neuro-Linguistic Programming, 2nd edn, Thorsons, London.